Asking a girl out can be the most terrifying thing for any man to do. Movies depict men fearlessly approaching attractive women and casually buying them a drink at a bar. In reality it can be much harder to strike up a conversation with a girl, let alone ask her out on a date. The nerves can be overwhelming and fear of rejection may give you second thoughts. You want to be able to ask her out in just the right way, appearing calm, cool, and collected. Yet there are times when it can be so hard to build up the courage in the first place that when you actually approach a girl, you forget the lines you rehearsed a few minutes before and you freeze up. Do not worry, every guy, and even some girls, have been there. One of the best ways to avoid that awkward moment is to be well prepared. Knowing the basics of asking out a girl is key to having a movie worthy interaction. Here is some advice on how to go about asking out that cute girl you like, and hopefully getting her to say yes.
In past decades guys have had to ask a girl out the old-fashioned way: in person. Yet now thanks to technology, they only have to send a message on a dating app to get a girl’s attention. Apps and websites like Tinder, Bumble, and even direct messaging on social media are this generation’s go-to way to meet people. This makes the interaction way easier, but still not a cake walk. There are still things to keep in mind when using apps to ask a girl out. Here are a few tips.
Yet any girl would tell you, using dating apps or text messages are not the best way to ask a girl out. Sure, this method may be easy if you want a one night stand, but if you want to have some sort of long term potential, then approaching a girl in person is the way to go. Asking a girl out in person makes the interaction so much more meaningful to a girl. It also shows courage and confidence, two qualities that most girls want in a man. Girls want to be able to tell the story of how they met their boyfriend and brag about you to friends and family. Having a cute memory where you ask her out face-to-face will make all the difference to her. It can also make the first date less awkward, because it will not be the first time you two meet. Asking a girl out over text or phone is one thing, but doing it in person is a whole other ball game. Here are some general tips to keep in mind.
Another important difference to consider when asking a girl out is how well you know her. Is she a friend or coworker you have talked to many times before, or is she an acquaintance or stranger you do not know too well? If you know her well, then make the way you ask her out personal and suited to her. If you know she really likes jazz music, invite her to a jazz concert. If she loves Indian food, suggest going to an Indian restaurant for dinner. Use what you already know about her to your advantage. If you ask her out to do something that fits her interests well, she will be more likely to say yes. Yet because you know her already, you also want to make it clear that you are going out on a date and not just hanging out as friends. This is important because if you do not clarify, she may not realize it is a date. However, if you do not know the girl well, then it is best to do something casual on the first date to get to know her better. The classic coffee date or drinks at a bar are both great options.
Asking a girl out is never easy. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there. Everyone gets nervous before asking out someone they like, but now that you have read these tips, hopefully you feel well prepared and confident. Now stop reading this article and ask her out already!
What exactly do girls find attractive? This is a question many men want the answer to. That is probably why you are reading this article now. Many guys think they need to have an athletic body that is shaped and toned by hours on end spent in the gym. Or they go out of their way to wear trendy clothes and have perfectly styled hair to look good for a girl they like. They think they have an idea about how to attract a girl, but still always question if there is a magical quality that will help them get any girl. Sorry to break it to you, but no such one perfect quality exists. Just as each individual guy has his own “type”, each girl is drawn toward specific qualities in a guy. Yet there is one quality that will likely catch the eye of most girls that come your way: confidence. Seeing a guy who walks and talks with confidence is appealing to women. Keeping reading to further learn why girls find confidence so attractive and how to utilize it when interacting with a girl you fancy.
Before we delve into how to find and utilize confidence to “woo” a girl, it is important to understand why people are so attracted to confidence. Sure, there is likely some deep phycological reason for this that connects back to human nature and instinct, but there is also a social reason as well. Think about it; someone who is confident, happy, and secure in themselves is intriguing. It makes a girl wonder what could possibly be so fascinating about this confident guy and make her want to discover more. A confident person is also easier to approach and talk to. If you appear comfortable talking to a girl, she is going to feel much more comfortable talking to you, too. Let’s face it, many girls get nervous when talking to guys, and if you can appear confident and easy to talk to, they will feel much more up for having a conversation.
It is so important to note the difference between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is attractive. Arrogance, on the other hand, is not. It is healthy for a person to have confidence in themselves and their abilities, but when that confidence crosses the line and turns into egotism and superiority, it can quickly turn unappealing. Many girls are turned off by an arrogant guy. It may make the girl think he is a jerk and lacking consideration. All girls want a guy who is considerate towards her needs and feelings, so seeing a lack of consideration may cause her to look elsewhere. Also, if you are arrogant and showy, then a girl may not feel entirely comfortable talking to you. They key to asking out a girl is to make yourself easy to talk to, so it is important to be confident without being cocky.
You may be thinking: I have no confidence. To some extent, it is a “fake it till you make it” sort of situation. However, in reality, everyone has insecurities and even those guys who appear most put together and outgoing have anxieties about themselves. All women do as well. Confidence is not about having no flaws, but about accepting your flaws and embracing your qualities. You do not have to be loud, suave, or even outgoing to appear confident. It is all about recognizing the best in yourself and embracing it. If you are funny, embrace your humor and find confidence through using jokes and witty puns in conversation. If you are talented in art or music, then put yourself in an environment where you can utilize that talent. Perform at an open mic night or display your art work. Embracing things you love and are good at will help build your confidence and showcase those wonderful qualities you have. When you do, a girl is bound to take notice.
However, it is most important that whatever confidence you show is genuine, because girls can so easily see through a guy who is acting loud and proud all for show. Girls do not just want to see a confident man, they want to see someone who is genuinely happy with who he is or what he is doing. Again this goes back to the confidence versus arrogance argument. Genuine confidence will mean so much more to a girl than a fake, forced arrogance.
It is one thing to feel confident when you are on your own or with your friends, but asking out someone you like will strike up insecurities and nerves in anyone. Everyone, on some level, questions themselves before they approach someone they are interested in. Everyone feels a build up of butterflies in their stomach and sweat in their palms. That is natural and makes a “yes” feel that much more rewarding in the end. Yet the key to using your confidence is to trust in it. Everyone has that pessimistic voice in the back of their minds that makes them doubt their every move. If you are to tell that voice to shut up and focus on your confidence, you may be able to have more success when asking someone out. This does not come easy, but the more times you do it, the easier it gets to focus on that confidence. So just shove aside your fears of rejection and finally ask that girl you like out. It is not easy, but it is worth it.
So when it comes down to it, you do not have to be a male model or drive a sports car to get a girl. So long as you approach her with a genuine confidence, you have a good chance at sparking her interest. Confidence does not come easily to everyone, but trying your best to find and embrace some form of confidence can make interacting with and attracting a girl so much easier.
Let’s face it, when it comes to interactions between guys and girls, it can get confusing. Guys are often baffled by girls; the way they think and how their minds work. Frankly, ladies feel the same way about men, too. Guys and Girls think in different ways. From the way they act, to the way they problem solve, to the way they communicate, both genders tend to approach situations in different ways. This difference can lead to some confusing, and at times even frustrating interactions, which makes dating a complicated thing to do. Well boys, you have come to the right place, because this article is going to help you sort out those confusions you have about girls.
In general, this is one of the biggest differences between guys and girls. Guys are known to be very straight forward. They tell it like it is and if they have a problem with something or someone, they show it. Girls on the other hand think in a very different way. If they have a problem with something, they usually will not be frank and say so. Rather they tend to skirt around an issue. Maybe it is because they do not like confrontation, or maybe they want you to be preceptive enough to pick up on it on your own. Though you may think it is practical and obvious that being frank is the easiest way to deal with thing, many girls do not see it that way. So even though you may asker her multiple times what is wrong and receive a “I am fine”, know that most of the times, girls will not be direct with you. The same goes for good situations as well. Girls are not always direct when it comes to telling a guy how they feel and showing definite interest. Girls tend to put a lot of thought into their interactions and will sometimes overthink things. In turn it can be hard to read what is really going through her head and know how she is actually feeling.
So how do you deal with a girl who is being passive, especially passive aggressive? In a moment of anger or frustration, she will likely want you to respond in a way that will feed the fire. She may push your buttons to evoke a reaction. This is just the way girls handle these emotions sometimes. The best way to deal with these situations is to put away your pride and ask her what is really going on. Start off by telling her you care about her and that you value honest and open communication in a relationship. Then continue to ask her if there is any other reason she is angry. Also let her know that you want to work to help fix it. Do not condescend to her and make her feel crazy; this is bound to make her even more mad. Rather try to have a conversation and let her know that you are listening.
When it comes down to it, the root of most problems a girl brings up has something to do with care and attention. All a girl wants from a guy she is interested is to know he cares and has his attention. When it seems like he is not thinking about her or puts this attention on another girl, it can make her feel insecure in herself and the relationship. Often times if a girl does not feel like you are paying her enough attention, she will project her frustration on to something else. Girls need reassurance of a guy’s feeling towards her. The issue can be not that a guy doesn’t care or think about a woman, but that he is not showing it enough. If you want to avoid fights related to this, and give your lady some piece of mind, then put in a little effort and show her you care. This does not need to be some grand gesture. You do not have to buy her flowers every week or drop a ton of money on expensive jewelry. Simply send her a random text in the middle of the day or write her a note for her to find when she wakes up. Just make sure she knows you care. Showing these simple signs of affection can mean the world to a girl, and it gives you some extra brownie points.
As mentioned above, all really girls really need to feel secure in their relationship is to feel like her man cares and thinks about her. She is likely thinking of you often and would like to know the feeling is mutual. Again, you do not have to do anything dramatic, but let her know that she is on your mind and that you care. Most girls will tell you it is the little things that count. The things that show thoughtfulness and consideration are so important to a girl. Whether she is your girlfriend, or a friend you have an interest in, showing her affection in small ways is a great step to furthering your relationship and gaining her interest. Here are a few small things you can do to make her day.
The key to this piece of advice is to do these things randomly. It is one thing to show up with flowers or chocolate on her birthday or Valentine’s day when you are obligated to do something, but it will be that much more special if you do it on a day when she is least expecting it. This is also a great way to get the attention of a girl you like.
Now you know more about how a girl’s mind works. Use these tips to your advantage to impress that girl you care about and make her feel special.
If you are a businessperson, chances are you’re going to deal/have dealt with tons of different personality types on each day. Customer service representatives have the arduous task of interacting with every of these personalities on a daily basis, therefore, they, alongside business owners must know how to categorize each customer and adapt to their idiosyncrasies to get business done smoothly.
One thing is sure: the easiest way to lose customers is to use a single script approach to dealing with every customer.
If your business is online, it also matters, because there is no sure-fire right way to engage a customer due to the varying nature of each one. All sorts of customers visit your website, so the best way to prove your customer care as competent is to know how to cater to each customer regardless of differences.
While each customer is unique, every customer has traits that make them fall into any of these five basic personality types.
This type of customers is easily the most noticeable, so used to being in command that you can spot them as soon as they step in through the door. They are decisive, proactive and results-oriented. The director has a goal, and all he does is think of the best way to achieve it. Director-type customers simply walk up to your desk, tell you what they want and expect you to deliver.
This customer model knows what s/he wants, how and when s/he wants it done. Directors are demanding bordering on intimidating. They usually need little guidance and are often unwilling to consider other points of views asides theirs.
A director is assertive, likely impatient and will almost always refuse small talk, so take care to avoid too much niceties or delay and do your best to answer questions clearly and succinctly. Keep your suggestions brief and give them space to make their own decisions.
Customers who fall into this pool are usually the ones to devour as much information as possible and spend time making their decisions. This kind of customer doesn’t want to make a mistake, so they will assess all possibilities and criticize several options before concluding. An analyst is most likely to be from any of the following fields: accountancy, science, or engineering where research and accurate analysis are fundamental. Analysts love facts and are very particular about details. They have no problems going through [even the most mundane of] information that other customer types never bother about. They will read manuals, how-tos, extensive reviews, product descriptions and whatnot and compare several options before making a decision.
Like the director personality, they already have an idea of what they want, and will painstakingly cover every base in getting it. A lot of times, they’ve done their homework before they arrive at your office or pick up the phone so they are less likely to be affected by small talk or prolonged pitching.
How to deal with analysts? Feed them facts and information. In many cases they might know more than the salesperson, having already done enough research, so best not to make any statement or argument unless you can back it up. These usually have a reason for everything, so it might be a good thing to ask why they chose a certain product or came to your store. The good thing about these customers is that they know a lot more than your regular customers, so you have less work to do convincing them. But it also means you have to be prepared to answer quite some technical questions, so that you don’t get caught off guard.
When dealing with analysts, best to give them room to explore their options. If you try to rush them into making a choice, they might get offended.
These love visualizing things. As the name implies, they are more interested in the big picture above all. Engage them in great storytelling and watch them jump right into spread-eagled. They are the direct opposite of the analysts. Spend too much time talking about numbers and details and they’ll doze off, wake up and walk right out on you ─ life is short.
Simply tell them how much the product or service will improve their lives. All you need do is make them love the product without being a geek, and you’ve got them.
These love to talk, like to go out and love to be seen. They are easily the most exciting customers. They want to laugh and make jokes with everyone from the moment they walk in the store. They want to like you, and they want to be liked in return. This means that if they don’t like you or sense the slightest hostility or indifference on your part, they’ll turn their backs on you. They are chatty, friendly and occasionally flirty. They are also self-centered so complimenting them will go a long way to getting them to do business with you. Loyalty also doesn’t mean much to them as they thrive on being friends with everyone; once they walk into your store all sunshine and laughter, be sure that they’ve done the same in twenty other stores.
If you want to get business done with a socializer, give them the red carpet treatment. Note that business with this personality type transcends just business. Engage them in conversations and gossip, compliment them, fawn over them—just try not to bore them with details. The disadvantage to dealing with socializers is that you have to remember so much about them to sustain good rapport. But if you get off on the right foot, it’s the first step in the right direction.
Also often known as relaters. They are egregious customers with a strong sense of belonging. They want to be taken as an extension of your company. They’ll most likely use “my” when they want to refer to relations with you (e.g., my store, my deliveryman, etc.). These can become valuable referrals via word-of-mouth promotions. Careful though, one slip and they’re telling everyone how incompetent you are.
The easiest way to do business with the collaborators is to ask them their opinions of things, include them in any possible way so that they can feel a connection to your business. Show them that you care, and they’re yours. They are usually the most pleasant customers. If they come in a group, give them enough time to confer with themselves and reach a collective decision.
Understanding different customer personality types will enable you to be more effective in catering to customers’ needs, but do not treat this list as a set-in-stone standard. Along the line, many customers will blur the lines or be crosses between two or more personalities, but this list presents an idea of the best ways to make—and sustain—an impression.
Leads have always been linked to more revenue. And for good reason. Even if you have the best product in the world, your business will hit the rocks faster than you can say “business” if no one knows about it beyond advertising.
A lead is a person or company that has shown interest in a service or product that your business provides. Lead generation in marketing as defined by Wikipedia has to do with initiating consumer interest or inquiry into products or services of a company.
Generating leads is one thing, but making good use of them is an entirely different narrative.
Referrals and leads aren’t the same things. While leads are individuals or businesses that are interested in what your company is offering, referrals are potential customers that have already been introduced to your business by satisfied customers or advocates. For referrals to happen, your leads must have been engaging with your product or service offerings and must have been impressed enough to make a case for you to other people, thereby advocating for your business and making these other people potential customers.
This is why referrals are just as necessary as leads: marketing teams are continually generating leads, but referrals have been proven to convert up to ten times more than leads from parent businesses or other sources (including advertising). The reason is that referrals have already received trusted introduction to your business by satisfied customers, resulting in a quicker sales cycle. In summary, referrals and leads have to work synergistically for a business to thrive.
Referrals among other benefits also grow your satisfied customer base because when a satisfied customer reaches out to someone and the person eventually becomes a happy customer, the cycle keeps self-perpetuating and results in more satisfied customers referring more people to your business.
Also, according to research from Wharton and Goethe University, referred customers are more loyal and have a 16 percent higher lifetime value than regular ones.
To acquire these connections, however, your business must first of all offer something of significant value. Then think about devoting time and passion to guarantee optimal output, because the easiest way to encourage solid referrals for your company is to ensure that your current clients and customers notice how committed you are to what you do. This will make them feel like they are in the right hands when working with you.
Indirect word of mouth marketing does the best referrals; they are also the most powerful means as well as most cost-effective. All that is needed to keep the referrals going is to continue guaranteeing satisfaction to happy customers so that they continue to feel compelled to share their delightful experience to other people.
Follow these tips to know how to get the best leads and what to do when you get them.
Be Devoted to Adding Value
For you to keep adding value, you must invest yourself in your business, and investing yourself means spending time and lots of effort into developing strong, successful relationships. This means you must always consider the benefits of working with you from the POV of your customers or potential clients. For you to create value, you must figure out their needs and wants. Only when you do this can you be able to satisfy them. Customers can be tough to please; some might even demand certainty of consistency in delivery before they decide to pay. This translates to a certain level of risk input. However, that will not be a problem when your business can deliver, because once you do, you build trust in the long run and prove that the risky investment was worth it.
Provide Top Notch Customer Service
A lot of businesses have an average to above-average customer service level. And that’s fine. So long as customers are attended to with a polite smile whenever they have questions or complaints, they are OK. But if you need to truly make a mark, you’re going to have to do more than that. Imagine a situation where customers are telling stories about how you went the extra mile to help them out, that’s what you should aim for. Study your customers beyond business and do things other companies won’t care enough to do. For example, sending staff with to visit with a birthday gift, attending their events to show support, working extra time so that your customer can beat a deadline even though they brought you the work late.
You’ll have happier leads, and they’ll tell other people about you.
Don’t Be Afraid to Flaunt Your Best Sources of Referral
Use your best customers—your most impressed—ones to refer your business. Of course, you have to, first of all, get their consent to proceed with this strategy, but it works. Feature them (or their comments at least) and on your website, in your brochures and in marketing media. The trick is simple: focus the spotlight on them and let them redirect it to you.
Connect with People You Know
An efficient network based on real-world connections and healthy relationships will make sure people vouch for you with more sincerity. It is essential to use the people closest to you as your first line of marketing as they are the ones likely to care about your business the most. Satisfy them first, and watch your referrals multiply.
Never Underestimate the Power of Networking
As crucial as generating leads and converting them to referrals are, you also need to look for more avenues to get your brand out there. Networking used to be difficult and made possible by guild memberships, but now social media has made it so much simpler. Online platforms such as LinkedIn, Facebook and Medium help make even more people know about your brand. You can establish valuable long-term connections by just being active on these media and engaging in relevant conversations.
Deliver Impressive Work
Having passion, dedication and superior customer service are all critical to attracting customers. But ultimately, what will keep them and make them your true ambassadors is how well you can meet their demands and needs. Quality work is not only about service rendered or product sold, but also through how much you appreciate the customers. Do a great job, and do a bit extra; reward them with flexible options, offer small discounts, be honest and listen to them no matter what, and you are guaranteed a love story not typical of many businesses.
Also, be sure to always keep to your word. Treat your customers as you would love to be treated. The best way to let your customers know that you respect them is to be sincere with them−it’s great for credibility. Instead of just treating a customer as just another job to be attended to, provide high quality, genuine and consistent service to them. So long as you make promises and keep to them, you are assured of the most loyal customers anyone can find.
Ask Customers to Refer You
Of course, the key to all of the previous strategies for boosting referrals is asking customers for them. Research has shown that while a large percentage of satisfied clients are willing to refer others, only very few people ever do. Many people need to be asked to do something before they do it. Also, most other people feel good about helping others, if and when they know that they can. It never hurts to politely let a satisfied customer know that you appreciate them and would love it if they referred you.
An open secret in marketing is that closing a sale is less about style than timing. You could be smooth all you want, but if you don’t know how to study your customer’s demeanor, overt verbal and subtle nonverbal signs, a lot of times, you’ll miss a sales opportunity because you didn’t know when to switch things up, adjust tactics or pile on the pressure.
Timing is often more important than a fancy close. You can pitch and keep pitching until you’re red in the face and still not be able to get a deal. How then can you know when you’re onto something or when to leave without wasting any more valuable time? Simple. Watch and listen carefully, customers will always let you know if and when they are ready to do business (with or without knowing it).
Since customers are different, there are a plethora of ways a customer can send a message that they are ready to buy. Some people may immediately place an order; others might be more laid back depending on the tone of their speech or the expressions they use, or their body language in letting you know they are ready to part with their money, but there’s usually a pattern.
Very often, when a customer successfully transitions from being merely interested in your product or service to readiness to pay for it, they will have reached a form of a mental closure having pictured owning the product or receiving the service. By the time they spend the money, their minds and bodies go through significant changes.
However, in the middle of these changes, there is a form of tension that either builds up or dissipates, and noticing these phases is key to knowing when and how to apply pressure to propel them towards purchasing. Most commonly noticeable is the subtle power shift from them having to be persuaded to buy the product, to having to convince you to sell it at the best price.
Here are a few clues to look out for. If a customer shows one or more of them, chances are they are already firmly at the threshold of purchasing.
Once a potential starts to ask questions beyond the basics, you have their attention. Technicalities focus on details, details focus on ownership. This means they have already visualized owning the product or receiving the service, played with the idea of it in their heads and want to be convinced to buy it. Someone who doesn’t want to buy something could care less about how it works. When a customer begins to ask for specifics, provide them with information and feel free to talk them into paying for it.
More often than not, when a customer begins to nod affirmatively, their minds have already accepted it and said yes. This is a classic non-verbal way of the mind agreeing. As long as you’re carefully monitoring your customer, it is pretty easy to spot. If the nodding is continuous, then you’re already in the semi-finals. Finish up your pitch and ask for the business.
As soon as a customer starts asking questions like how much does it cost, and, and what’s the warranty like, rest assured that they have understood how your product or service works and are willing to part with their money to get it. If you quote a price they can agree with, then it’s a done deal.
It is ironic how a lot of people often misconstrue customers asking about the price to mean objecting to it. It’s usually not the case. Asking for the price means that the customer has weighed the promise of the product and wants to see if they can afford it. If they ask you how much your product or service costs, do not dilly dally. Do not hesitate to ask them to buy, because of course they already know that it’s business you’re there for and all the sweet talking is a means to an end.
If a customer asks you to prove that your good or service can meet their need, say, a testimonial or examples of previous situations where it worked, best believe that they are ready to buy. It means that they are interested in what you have to offer, but they need you to make them believe that it can work practically. Customers are usually skeptical about buying things that might be of less use to them than was promised, so take this as their way of vetting you.
Whatever you do, do not take this as an affront or an objection. Asking for proof doesn’t always equate suspicion. Instead, it is them being diligent. Think about it this way: would anyone take the time to vet something they weren’t interested in buying?
This is the universal answer to affirmation. But a lot of salespeople still make the mistake of pitching beyond this point. Don’t do this. Once a customer says yes, do all you can to move the sale forward as quickly as possible. Why waste time trying to convince someone even after they’ve said yes? It’s like trying to make a plane lift off when it’s already in the sky. Close the deal and save your energy for the next customer. It is essential to always plan towards the Yes. While it makes things faster once the customer agrees, it’s also good to be optimistic. So, have all post-agreement formalities in place prior to pitching. If there’s anything you need them to sign, get them to do so as soon as possible.
In any business of providing value, noticing and understanding these signals are crucial to making sales. Salespeople are supposed to be vigilant and thorough enough to recognize these buying signals and respond swiftly and appropriately to not miss out on juicy selling opportunities. To make sure your observation skill is up to date and to improve your awareness of buying signals as well, you can decide to conduct a personal signal review after each business you conclude. Remember, customers will always tell you when they are ready to buy with or without saying it. You just have to be patient enough, watch closely and listen carefully.
If you feel like “there should be more to life” in general, you’re not satisfied with your job or just feel like your schedule could use something more exciting, you may not have found your purpose in life yet. For most people, finding their true purpose and calling isn’t something that comes naturally. Purposes come in a myriad of shapes and forms depending on each one’s personal characteristics and predisposition, and they are unique for each person.
An activity that makes you lose track of time, a dream to become something bigger than you are now. Often, the purpose in life is finding that thing that is the most meaningful to you, doing something that makes you happy to wake up in the morning.
Unfortunately, many people are so caught up with their daily routine, living mechanically, that they don’t even think it could be much more to it and spend their entire life without ever finding their purpose. The fact that you came across this text means you want to make something more of life, to give it meaning – and here are the best five tips that I can give you for finding your purpose:
For some people this seems very easy, for example artists – somehow they always knew they love to create, paint, sing or play with clay, and it’s pretty obvious for them that this is their calling.
But what about other people, whose purpose may not be so easy to see? There are many activities that may not seem like much, at first glance. For example, I know someone who just likes to talk to people, listen to their problems, and somehow random people (in a train or at a queue) trust her and often tell her secrets from their lives.
However, she didn’t know that this could actually be a real career, until she found out that she could study psychology, and that by being a psychotherapist she could continue to listen to people’s problems – but for real money – and help them at the same time.
Here are some things that a lot of people try first:
What are the things you love to do and that bring you the most joy? Another person I know, only likes to hike and explore the mountains. He doesn’t like to do anything else but be out in nature for as long as possible.
“What is the purpose, and how could you make a career with that?” you may ask. Because simply wanting to be out in nature sounds pretty selfish when you view it from our modern society standpoint.
Well, he started by blogging about his experiences, selling photos from his trips at various exhibitions, until he even made a TV show about hiking, and now is inspiring hundreds and thousands of people to go out in nature more.
In the meantime he also became a certified mountain leader and takes small groups of people with him. So take your time and think what is the activity that brings you the most joy, that you used to do when you were a kid (because children always follow their passion).
How did you like to play? And what is your favorite way of spending your free time? Your purpose may be skillfully hidden in those activities if you search deep enough. If you still can’t find an obvious passion, check out the next tip.
With the invention of the internet, it’s becoming increasingly easier to make a side income from your passion or hobby! For example, Practical Psychology was created from me sharing the ideas I got from books. Eventually I had enough income from my amazing fans that now it’s my full-time income.
We all have these moments in life. Make a list of moments when you’ve accomplished something you wished for a long time, or when you finally finished that project that you worked on for months or even years (and “that project” could be anything, really- from raising your children in harmony, to writing an exhaustive paper on a really obscure subject).
Anything that has ever brought the greatest joy in you is to be written on this list, even smaller things that made you really happy. These are the moments that speak the most about your true calling, and most of the times, you will find a pattern or a common thing to all the things listed.
Finding your passion isn’t as simple as a 5 minute meditation exercise. Some people spend years searching for something that calls them, while others go 4 whole years pursuing something they hate.
Staying in our bubble makes us feel safe and secure, but unfortunately this is not an area of growth. It’s good to go back to our bubble from time to time, to wind down and recharge, but be careful that sitting in this zone for too long will lead to stagnation. Evolution always happens when you feel vulnerable, when you try and learn new things, at the risk of failing.
What better lessons than failures? Even if you try something new and you find out it’s not really your cup of tea, that’s just as fine – by knowing what is not your purpose, you are one step closer to the thing that is – with a lesson learned. You will never learn how to discover your passion if you’re sitting at home watching Youtube videos and reading your Kindle all day (unless that is your passion).
Stepping out of your comfort zone and talking to people, traveling to new places, and doing things that make you uncomfortable will broaden your horizons. By experiencing more things, you’ll have a better perspective to truly live your passion.
Repeat with me: “This year I will do more things for the first time!”
Sometimes doing something new with a friend will help ease into new experiences. Grab a friend and ask them to do something adventurous this weekend.
This has two aspects: time to take care of yourself and focus your attention toward your own well-being, and also time to explore the possibilities. It’s pretty hard to concentrate on finding your purpose while you’re juggling between three jobs and a family. Taking too many responsibilities, having too many duties and things on your to-do list can drain you of energy and by the evening when you go to sleep, you’re way too tired from the things you had to do, to even think of anything you’d like.
In order to find – and properly fulfill – your purpose, you need to take care of yourself first, to prioritize tasks in a way that leaves you at least half an hour each day to recharge and make sure you function at your highest potential. So don’t be discouraged if right now you don’t know what your purpose is, or if it seems like you don’t have any. Some of us find it earlier, other find it later. And even if you find it later, remember that wise quote: “better late than never”!
What’s the longest you haven’t spoken with your partner after a fight? Has it been days or weeks? While nobody likes to be ignored, especially by the ones they love most, silent treatment in a relationship happens more often than we’d like to think.
The common scenario goes like this: you fight (usually over a stupid thing) after which you get the cold shoulder for at least one or two days. During this time there’s tension and you get frustrated because your feelings hit a wall. Your partner’s refusal to openly communicate his or her thoughts can be absolutely infuriating and painful. Even more, silent treatment in a relationship can feel like a form of punishment or pressure to getting a certain response.
According to specialists, silent treatment in a relationship is never a good sign. It can be the first step to your relationship’s demise and it shouldn’t be ignored or accepted.
Phrases like “my partner ignored me for 4 days after our last fight” or “he didn’t speak to me the entire trip” are not uncommon in couple counseling. But why do we do it? What determines someone to completely block out the person they love most?
There are two major trains of thought that lead to silent treatment in a relationship:
The silent treatment can be confused with taking the high road. In layman terms, a person would rather not speak to you than get into a fight or say something they may regret later. And it’s a legit approach (at first).
When you’re upset with your partner it’s very easy to use hurtful words. You will definitely regret doing so, but in the heat of the moment, words just slip out.
However, the silent treatment isn’t the better alternative! According to a paper published in the Communication Monographs journal, this is the most destructive response you can offer. It is scientifically proven that being ignored (aka, the silent treatment in a relationship) causes the same chemical reaction in our brain as being physically hurt.
The best way to take the high road when you don’t want to voice your feelings in anger is to take a few hours to cool down. But it’s very important to let your partner know about this cool down period – tell them you need a bit of alone time and ask them to be patient.
What you should take out of this
Even the happiest couple in the world goes through painful moments. It’s absolutely normal to fight with your partner but it’s how you deal with these moments that will determine your happiness in the relationship.
Don’t just slam the door and walk away; find a way to communicate your need for a cool down time!
Let’s say it’s your two years anniversary as a happy couple. Your partner is working late or they are dealing with problems at work, and they simply forgot about this joyous occasion. On the other hand, you prepared a nice dinner or a fun evening out, only to be left alone and disappointed.
It’s absolutely normal to get angry and feel frustrated or hurt in this situation, but how do you voice this and who is to blame?
In a well-balanced relationship this scenario would end up with a fight or at least a heated argument, but both partners would get to communicate their thoughts. But, if you use the silent treatment to punish your partner and coerce them into getting you an expensive gift, you’re manipulating the situation to your advantage.
This is where the silence can be considered emotional abuse.
People who practice this behavior lack the emotional maturity required to resolve conflicts like an adult and use manipulation tactics to get what they want. They also place all the blame for a conflictual situation on their partner, which is not fair or healthy for the relationship.
The sad part is that, many don’t understand that what they’re doing is wrong and hurtful towards their partner. The silent treatment in a relationship may not be intended as a punishment, it may just be poor communication skills and an inability or unwillingness to deal with hurt feelings.
First, it’s important to understand that you shouldn’t ignore or accept this type of behavior from your partner! Silent treatment in a relationship must be addressed and resolved the first time you identify it.
I always recommend openness and honesty in a relationship, but there are several steps to take in this direction. Below you can find an in-depth guide that will hopefully lead to a better relationship with greater communication.
The silent treatment in a relationship is not always a sign of narcissistic tendencies. Try to see your partner’s point of view and understand why they use silence against you. Are they bad communicators in general? Did they have an abusive past and now they have troubles expressing negative emotions? Or are they just trying to gain power over you by placing blame and guilt?
It may be difficult to do this when you’re upset, but it’s important to analyze their behavior. First, let your partner know how their silence makes you feel (rejected, hurt, ignored). Ask them why they consider silence a good behavior and what is it they consider you’ve done so wrong.
If your attempts are met with lack of empathy and defensiveness, you may be dealing with a toxic personality who still has some growing up to do.
The only way the silent treatment gains power over you is if you allow it. The best way to deal with the silent treatment in a relationship is to not give into the behavior that’s asked of you and keep your calm.
For instance, if your partner doesn’t answer the phone when you call, don’t keep calling desperately. Just send them a text saying you understand they need their space and you’ll be there for them when they’re ready to talk.
This sends a clear message that you won’t allow control and you don’t accept their silence as a manipulation technique.
Yes, it’s difficult to keep your calm and put out a strong face, but it’s the only way to keep control of the situation. It’s also a way to understand if your current partner is the right person for you. Someone who has true feelings for you will see their mistake and will try to improve their behavior.
If the silent treatment is a constant in your relationship it’s time to think about your goals. Are you looking to continue this situation even if your partner may never change? Is this something you can understand and continue?
If the answer to these questions is negative, it’s time to consider ending the relationship. However, the first step is stating boundaries. Say to your partner “Honey, I can’t be with someone who makes me feel ignored and rejected every two weeks. I need to feel connected with the person standing next to me and right now I don’t feel that from you. If you insist on giving me the silent treatment, I have to break things off.”
The situation can go two ways from here: either your partner realizes his/her ways are wrong and ask for another chance, or they feel insulted and get defensive. If it’s the latter, you’re better off; but if it’s the first, make sure to let them know there won’t be a third chance.
The silent treatment in a relationship is a treacherous situation because it makes you doubt yourself. It’s not your job to do the thinking for your partner so don’t beat yourself up if you can’t guess what they want. You’re not a mind reader!
A healthy relationship is based on open communication from both partners and, while we all make mistakes, being ignored or punished through silence is never something anyone deserves!
It’s normal to want to help your partner change, but you can’t do anything if they don’t have the initiative. It’s not worth risking your confidence and general quality of life because your partner isn’t mature enough.
Keep your morals high by practicing positive affirmations and surround yourself with positive people who see you for who you are. The silent treatment in a relationship can be a very difficult behavior for both the person giving it and the one receiving it, so make sure to not accept it as a form of validation.
Couple counseling is a fantastic way to deal with this behavior, but you both have to participate. If you can’t bring your spouse or partner to therapy, schedule some sessions for yourself – it will help you gain perspective on the situation.
At the end of the day, it’s important to understand that the silent treatment in a relationship is not a way to deal with negative emotions. It may be helpful in situations when you don’t want to hurt someone, but you must know how to apply it. If you want your relationship to work, always find a way to communicate with each other, regardless of the feelings involved.
Whenever you meet someone new, there is a new impression formed about you. This impression is very hard to change over time, so making it great is extremely important, because you only have one chance. I know, it sounds like a lot of pressure, but fortunately I have some tips that you can use in order to make the best out of it:
It doesn’t matter if this is a business meeting or a romantic date, or whether you’re just going out with friends-of-friends, being on time is always appreciated. You don’t want to make people wait for you, as this a sign of disrespect and/or bad time management, and someone who is just meeting you for the first time will not be interested in hearing your “good” excuses. Give yourself enough time to prepare for the meeting and remember, it’s always better to arrive a few minutes earlier than later.
Be careful with your look
They say a person needs less than one second to judge you and tell if they like you or not – and if a picture is worth a thousand words, in this case the “picture” is made of your outer appearance. Make sure you are well groomed, your clothes fit your size and you are dressed appropriately for the occasion you’re at (how you dress for an open-air festival will differ from how you dress for a business meeting). So decide whether you want to stand out or blend in, and remember that cleanliness and freshness will take you a long way: if you didn’t have time to wash that expensive brand shirt, it’s always better leave it at home and wear something that smells good instead, no matter the label. This also extends to your car or your house or even smaller objects – make sure they are clean if you think someone you’re trying to impress is going to see them.
Details can give or take impression points as well: too much make-up (unless you’re at a punk music festival), too many necklaces or rings, too much perfume can really affect your overall image so just take it as a general rule that going overboard with anything is a no-no. A neat hairstyle however, or a cute pin on your shirt or any other small accessories can really boost your image.
A well balanced handshake
Handshakes, in most cultures, have a lot of importance and one can tell a lot about a person based on how their hand feels like. Give a “dead fish” hand and you’ll be seen as weak, cold, lacking initiative or guts; give a “stone-strong” hand and you’ll be seen as dominant and stubborn. Try to find a balance between these two and you’re good to go! Remember to smile, make eye contact and keep it short – if it lasts more than a few seconds will become awkward and make the other feel uneasy.
Thinking that everyone feels just as awkward as you do, will help you a lot when meeting new people. We’re not so different from each other, and most people feel shy when they enter a room where they don’t know most people. So there are many chances the person you’re meeting feels just as anxious about meeting you, as you are about meeting them. So instead of trying to impress them, try to make it easier for them to talk to you – most people love to hear themselves talk, to feel heard and understood. Active listening can help you earn a lot of sympathy.
Being interested in meeting people, finding out stuff about them and being open about finding out who they are, is a nice way to appear desirable and comfortable to be around. So no matter how hard you want to impress, keep bragging at a minimum and focus on the others instead. This behaviour is contagious, and will make them feel want to know more about you as well – and you might end up having deeper, meaningful conversations, and making real friends, because your interest in them sparkled their interest in you.
Watch your mood
It’s best to meet new people when you’re feeling at your best and full of energy, as this will create a positive vibe and will make people like you from the start. If you’re having a bad day, then you’d rather stick with old friends, who can help you vent and who will understand you because you have a history of knowing each oher through good and bad days.
I guess this one doesn’t need any arguments, but I’ll still give you one: according to research from Princeton University, facial expressions influence the way people judge you, and apparently smiling faces are often viewed as trustworthy, while angry-looking faces as untrustworthy.
Watch your body language and other nonverbal cues
It’s only natural to feel nervous when meeting new people, but of course we want to appear confident and strong – so in order to achieve that, make sure you adopt a confident pose: sit straight, keeping your spine erect and shoulders down, look forward, and “fake it ‘till you make it”! A slouched pose, with the head buried deep between your shoulders will just make you look like a scared tortoise and will not help your overall image.
Keep an eye out (or better, an ear) on how you speak: nervousness tends to make us increase (or decrease) the volume, or makes us talk so fast that people are having a hard time understanding what we want to say. Also, talking in a nice and friendly tone will always give you some extra image points!
And last but not least:
Nobody likes to talk to a person that always sees the bad side in everything and always complains. Try to keep critiques to a minimum (at least in this first meeting), and keep a relaxed and positive attitude toward things.
It would be so convenient if we could know how our date feels at a given time, if they like us or not, whether they’re bored or they’re really into us, wouldn’t it? Well, fortunately, communication comes in many shapes and forms, and beside the usual talking, there is much more to a message than you can see at first glance – and by learning to observe the hints in your date’s posture, you can get a pretty good idea of what’s going on in their minds and how you can adjust to improve their thoughts about you.
In this first part, we will focus more on their nonverbal language, and what are the hints that you can follow. In the second part, I will give you tips on how to adjust your own nonverbal language in order to appear attractive and to raise your chances of having a successful date.
So how to tell if the person you’re out with is happy or bored, horny or nervous, or even upset? You can tell a lot by observing their body language: is their stance open or closed? Do they look expansive, or rather reserved and shy? Are they looking you in the eye or fidgeting with their phone or other objects? Here is what these mean:
This may seem like a basic one, but the way your date looks at you and the amount of eye contact they make with you can tell a lot about their mood. If your date avoids eye contact but still makes it from time to time, chances are they are really into you but too shy to sustain a Ionger glance. A prolongued eye contact however, means they are really and openly interested in you, without trying to hide that in any way – almost like an invitation to get more intimate. However, if their eyes wander anywhere but your general direction, then they are really bored and their mind is far, away from your conversation.
Posture and space:
If your date is bent toward you and faces you with “open arms”, that’s a good sign! Because they’re interested, their unconscious mind is telling them to move closer, to better grasp all the information about you. An open and relaxed posture shows that your date is comfortable around you, curious to hear what you have to say, and they find you attractive. Men especially try to keep their spine straight to look taller, or spread their legs and flex muscles in an unconscious desire to show dominance and masculine power. Women on the other hand, try to bring their cleavage forward and and their spine curbed in the lower half – to increase sexiness and attractiveness.
When a person bends their body inwards instead, shoulders tucked in, that’s a sign of either low self-esteem, or they might be feeling awkward, guilty (depending on the subject) or just uncomfortable talking to you. If your date looks stiff, leans back, moves away or even “puts walls” between you (by placing their drink or other objects on the table between you), it means they’re not very comfortable with you and need to have some more personal space.
When your date touches you, that’s a huge plus! People don’t usually touch other people who they’re not interested in, so if someone lightly brushes against you or touches your arm (and not just once, by accident), that’s like an invitation to their personal space. Just be aware of the touchy-feely type, who might just need to touch people when talking to them, to feel a better understanding in the conversation – and in this case touches don’t neccessarily mean they have a special attraction toward you.
Mirroring happens when one person unconsciously copies the stance of the person they are talking to. Usually this is a sign that they feel engaged and connected with the other, so for example if you are sitting with the elbows resting on the table and one hand on your drink, and the other person does the same, you can take that as a positive sign that they are attuned to the conversation.
Other phsyical cues:
Feet pointing – or general body position headed – toward you in a group, things are going well. Males generally do this, no matter how big the crowd or how places change during a casual meeting, he will always be facing towards the girl he likes.
Also: blushing, sweaty palms or accelerated breath are all hints that your date is either very attracted to you – or really scared – as all these are our bodies natural reactions to excitement and nervousness. So if you weren’t acting crazy around them and haven’t given them any reason to freak out, take these as good signs.
Also -this is one that women do more often- playing with hair, rubbing hands, constantly arranging one’s shirt, are all signs they are interested and it’s in their instinct to groom themselves in order to appear more attractive to you. But it could also mean they’re generally insecure so keep an eye for the other cues as well!
It’s important to look at these body language hints as a whole, and try to find a pattern in each particular situation. There are not many cases when a person who likes (or doesn’t like) someone will manifest only one of these behaviours. Usually it’s a combination, and you have to be careful not to get delusional by overinterpretting very little hints as “clear indicators” they like you, because you might end up with a huge disappointment (and vice-versa). Use your sixth sense and try to feel if they are really into you by observing more and thinking about the theory less. Also, take care of your own body language because who knows? They might read this article too, and might observe you just as well to see where they’re at in your interaction.