Self-love may be a difficult subject, because years of (religious) education have taught people that they are not worthy of anything unless they sacrifice their needs for the sake of someone else’s needs. Even today, the idea of loving oneself is considered vain and selfish, and tends to be frowned upon.
Unfortunately, in relationships a lack of self-love is translated into neediness, jealousy and a tendency to control our partner. All these are destructive patterns and will led to either a miserable life together, or to an end of every relationship sooner or later.
But, can’t we live “happily ever after” if each partner lacks self-love and puts the other first? Well, in reality things are not that simple: just as two one-winged birds tied together will never be able to fly together, two half-whole people will never be able to make a whole – because each one will expect the other to fill his emptiness. And you can’t pour from an empty cup.
A lack of self-love can sabotage relationships that could have high potential, or can make you settle for relationships where you’re treated only in the way you think you deserve to be treated. Therefore, here are some advantages that self-love can bring into your life:
By loving yourself you know exactly what your limits are, and you communicate them.
One of the best things about loving yourself is knowing yourself, and accepting yourself – with all the good and bad sides – and being able to speak up when something is bothering you, negociating your rules and limits. This makes you a very transparent person, easy-to-live-with, because people will know exactly what to expect from you and how to treat you. If you never speak up, no one will ever know and they might end up hurting you unintentionally (or even intentionally, to test your limits) by doing (or saying) certain hurtful things. In time, all the silent suffering will only make you resent them and that will erode your relationship more and more.
Say goodbye to people who take advantage of you or who abuse you in any way. Once you love yourself you will no longer accept certain behaviours from your partner, even if that means putting an end to the relationship. You will simply know, in your gut, that you deserve someone who treats you right and you will not accept anything less. Often times, people who don’t love themselves enough tend to think that in the name of love, they should let others (especially their partner) do things that would be otherwise unacceptable (making fun of their appearance, putting them down, being late all the time at dates, etc). Remember that always, love and respect go hand in hand. If you love and respect yourself, others will love and respect you as well. If you set very clear boundaries regarding what you accept and what you don’t, no one will cross them.
Self-love can make you truly love in your relationship
Loving someone is different from fearing loneliness. It’s easy to trick ourselves into thinking we’re in love, when in fact we just need a savior from our own insecurities. People often stay in toxic relationships because they are afraid they’ll never meet someone better, they don’t think they can ever deserve someone better or they think they will fail at another relationship.
To avoid all these things you have to understand yourself and your needs, and when you do that you’ll be able to also understand and respect your partner’s needs – thus enabling you to truly love them, as they are – with goods and bads, as a whole – not just as the shiny puzzle piece that can fill your gaps.
Self-love helps you keep your individuality
As you love yourself more, you will understand that the relationship doesn’t have to define your life or you as a person, that you can keep your hobbies and activities and your partner is there to add to the whole life you already have. In no way should you change your interests, passions, or/and friends, just to suit the other person. People in our lives, they come and go – but you, will stay with yourself forever. So it’s important to take good care of those particular things that make you you. Entering a relationship is not the end of us as individuals, and getting out of one isn’t the end either. Ideally, when two people choose to live together they’re not giving up who they are, but add value to each other’s life instead. It’s good to have other priorities from time to time, to give yourself time for auto reflection and to give your relationship the space and air it needs to grow.
You can understand your partner better
When you love and respect yourself, you can also be a lot more empathic and you can also understand the needs of another person. You will be able to show compassion and put yourself in the other’s shoes – and when you both communicate what you accept and what you don’t, there are very few reasons left to fight. When you both know your dark side and you learn to accept it, live with it ( and maybe work with it), you can accept that the other has flaws as well – and you choose to love him/her as a whole, including his less-desirable traits. You will know how each of you reacts and acts in certain situations, and you can both adjust accordingly, thus living in harmony and having a lot of fun.
Just remember, you cannot give what you don’t have. If you’re not feeling happy or content yourself, sooner or later no matter how much your partner loves you, you won’t feel happiness – because that must come from within. You can only have a “happily ever after” if you give yourself the love you want first. And once you love yourself more, people will start loving you more, because you won’t burden them with your neediness and uncertainties. You will start to attract better partners, who will treat you well instead of treating you like a desperate puppy. Everyone likes to be around a balanced individual, who doesn’t suck the energy from the people around him – but spreads love and understanding all around.
On a first date with someone we like, we tend to be very nervous and anxious, feeling as if we are going to participate at an audition, where we have to give our best, show off our skills, be flawless, in order to match the flawlessness of our date.
But the first thing to do is get a little back down to Earth, and remember that there is no such thing as “perfect” when it comes to human beings – and no matter how shiny and dazzling that other person might look to us right now, they also have their frailties and insecurities. We are used to seeing our own clumsiness and ridiculousness everyday, as we live with ourselves all the time – but we only see the polished side of everyone else – the desirable and neatly constructed image, where none of the silliness is shown, and everyone looks perfect. Also, when we go out on a date with someone, we tend to raise them on a pedestal, like they are some kind of god and us, we’re mere mortals.
This attitude however, is not only damaging to our own self-esteem, but it’s awkward for the other person as well. Being “adored” puts an unbearable amount of pressure on someone’s shoulder, as they, deep down, know they are far from perfect – and that sooner or later, their flaws will be discovered. It’s well known that many people who are admired, suffer from the “impostor syndrome”, where they feel like they don’t deserve all that attention and praise, and they fear that all the love will turn to hate when their flaws will be discovered. It’s the same in dating: when you only look at someone’s bright side and fail to see their shadow (even when they show it or describe it to you) it becomes awkward for them – because they are well aware of their flaws and your attitude only shows despreation.
So the best way to go around that is to always keep in mind that they are just as human as you are. Try to imagine you two after a number of years, where you’ve had so many good and bad experiences, that nothing could ever really surprise you – like you’ve been there together for so many things, that you already know every good and bad side of them, and they also know every good and bad side of you. This has multiple benefits as it, firstly, help calm your anxiety about the date, and second, it will help you take a realistic approach on the whole interaction. You don’t have to polish your image in order to make them like you, because if you two are compatible, (s)he will in time know everything about you anyway. There’s no point in trying to show a mask or to be someone else, because you want them to like you for who you are, truly. Getting someone to like you after a night of acting is not really much of a victory, because your mask will eventually wear off in time and when they realize you are in fact a different person, it will just leave them disappointed instead of dazzled at your perfect acting skills.
So keeping all these things in mind, the best two advices that I could ever give you are:
People tend to be attracted by positive people who can find the sunny side in everything (just try not to go overboard with it, because “wearing pink glasses” will make you appear childish or imature). But being positive and taking things lightly sends a signal to your date’s unconscious mind that you’re an easy-to-live-with person, who will not make a huge fuss over a broken plate or some dust on the furniture (we all have – and know – our flaws and no one likes living with a ticking bomb that might explode anytime).
Because at the first date everyone thinks the other person is perfect, sharing an embarassing story from your childhood is the best way to lighten up the atmosphere, making you both more relaxed and comfortable around each other, opening the possibilities for more intimate subjects. Tell them about your less-desirable traits, this shows you know and accept them – this will also show that you are capable of a deeper understanding of the bad parts of a person, without making much fuss about them. They might not even believe you when you share aspects of your shadow, because the confidence to do that will make you so attractive that they’ll think “How could you possibly have (those) flaws?”
This should go without many arguments, everyone likes to hear themselves talk, so don’t monopolise the conversation by sharing *all* your good and bad sides (one or two are just enough for the first date). It’s a basic human need to feel listened to and understood, and to have the possibility to impress with their life stories, passions and ideas. If you take that away from them, by talking non-stop or interrupting them often, you will indeed impress them but in the negative way- by the end of the date they will think you’re a selfish nacissistic person who doesn’t really care about anyone else but them, and won’t want a second date with you. Instead, ask them about themselves, try to genuinely know them better, show your interest and they will be delighted to share their experiences. This will allow you to show your understanding and making them feel comfortable around you, allowing them to share even more intimate things with you.
Remember, making someone feel comfortable with you is the quickest way to their heart. It’s the feeling that they’ve “known you forever” that will make them feel much closer to you than they really are, and only good things come from that 😉
As human beings, we have a natural desire to be attractive. After all, this not only raises our chances at ﬁnding a good mate, but also can lead us to be more successful ﬁnancially as well. Of course, there are many tricks and products that you can use to improve yourself, but the things that work best on the long run are good habits. They are highly effective as you can incorporate them in your daily routine and you’ll become closer to the best version of yourself without having to spend a fortune or neverending hours at once to achieve that.
There are many aspects that can count in the attractiveness factor, such as physical ones (showering regularly, grooming, etc), psychological ones (keeping a balanced lifestyle, knowing oneself) and of course, ﬁnancial ones (being self-sustainable and reliable in this aspect). Many interviewed women when asked what they ﬁnd attractive in a man, mentioned “opening the door for people and giving you ﬂowers” and other habits that are now considered “old fashioned”, when in reality… some of these are just manners. It appears being a gentleman is timeless, and opening the door for a woman will always put you in a nice light.
But let’s see what are the habits that make men physically attractive, and most of these will work for girls too:
Grooming habits: Making sure you always smell fresh is the most basic thing you can do. Women can feel the smell of sweat from a few feet and trust me, it’s rarely appealing! So make sure you take a shower after any sweaty activity and use a deodorant regularly. And speaking of smells, brushing teeth and ﬂossing every day is non-negotiable. Not only will they help the smell situation, it helps keep your smile looking fresh and fly.
2) Take care of your diet – avoiding simple carbs and sugars, and maintaining a diet full of vegetables and healthy fats will reduce bloating and decrease pufﬁness in your face. I’ve also heard reducing these, along with milk will help with acne. Also, make sure you keep yourself properly hydrated. Drinking a minimum of eight glasses of water a day will ensure healthy hydration, and reduces the appearance of ﬁne wrinkles! And keep in mind, coffee or alcohol don’t count as water, even if they’re liquids – these two are dehydrating beverages so you’ll actually have to drink more water to compensate for them.
3) Exercise The best thing that you can do to maintain or improve your overall attractiveness level is to remain ﬁt. Of course you can’t remain ﬁt by sitting on a chair in front of the computer for ten hours per day. Even if you work that long, you can use your breaks to move around a bit, maybe climb some stairs up and down a few times, or make any activity that makes your heart pump a bit more than usual. Staying ﬁt not only ensures you live a longer, healthier life, but also increases your conﬁdence and makes you feel energetic and amazing. Getting that pump also helps your body get rid of its toxins, making your skin look brighter and giving you a good vibe for the whole day.
4) Sleep well – it’s well known that the body does most of its regeneration during sleep, and not giving it enough time to do that will quickly affect your whole system. Sleep deprivation leads to attention disorders, lower efﬁciency and slower reﬂexes, as well as it shows up on your face making you look like a zombie. Therefore, prioritizing sleep will help you ensure you look fresh and alert, and will also make those ugly circles around your eyes disappear quickly.
5) Change your sheets regularly – it helps your skin stay clean and fresh, and if you often take a girl to bed with you, clean sheets will always give them a good impression. You don’t expect someone to sleep with you in sheets that have traces of make up from another woman, right?
Now that we’ve made sure the physical part is clean, ﬁt and healthy, let’s see which are the psychological habits that help maintain our attractiveness level for a longer time after we made that ﬁrst impression:
6) Ask yourself the right questions – this is called framing and helps boost your conﬁdence. For example, when approaching a girl you like, instead of asking yourself “what if she doesn’t like me?”, you could ask “what if she’s my next girlfriend? How do I want our first interaction to go?” – this instantly changes your mindset and position from a scared and intimidated one, to a conﬁdent and more attractive one. Remember, girls can sense these things and if you don’t believe you could impress her, she won’t really be impressed.
7) Meditate daily – this has multiple benefits, from helping you get rid of stress and anxiety, to maintaining a balance psyche throughout the day. Women love calm and patient men, who don’t lose their temper at the slightest discomfort. One of the best ways to get a girl to like you is to simply have the power to get angry, but control it. This is a tough topic to talk about, but I’ve read over 8 psychology textbooks, so if you want to learn more about this, I actually created a huge course to teach you how to find, get, and keep the girl of your dreams. Tons of people have taken it, loved it, and some even emailed me personally to share their success stories. Anyways, to learn more about being psychologically attractive, theres a link in the description so you can see the full curriculum and if you buy from this video today, You’ll get over 50% off for being an awesome subscriber! Back to meditation, it also makes you more mindful, present and non-judgemental.
8) Being reliable – when a guy says he’s going to do something and then actually does it, it touches a sensitive chord in a woman’s heart. So when you promise things, make sure you can deliver. It’s always better to make nice surprises than to disappoint.
9) Being authentic – this means saying exactly what you think and feel (without being a jerk, of course!), not being afraid that others might judge you. It’s better to be loved for who you are than trying to keep a mask on your face for your whole life. So don’t be afraid of showing your real feelings, even if this makes you feel vulnerable. In fact, a sign of great inner power is the ability to show our weaknesses and vulnerabilities – and that is highly attractive.
10) Constantly try to improve yourself. Think of this as if you’re trying to sell a product. You’re “on the market”, why would anyone like you if you don’t like yourself ﬁrst? All these habits are meant to help you improve and boost your self-conﬁdence, because this is the most important attractive factor. Everybody wants something that someone else wants. Everybody wants something that’s carefully designed and packed, something that has value. So value yourself and improve something every day.
And last but not least: 11) Don’t take rejection personally
Someone once said that the difference between a successful person and an amateur is that the successful one has failed more times than the amateur has even tried. This means that the more you get used to approaching women, the more reactions you will face – and face it, there will, most probably, be a lot of rejection. And you will learn that sometimes, it has nothing to do with you – women may reject someone for the most random reasons, like having a bad day, having menstrual cramps (this is actually a legitimate reason, and I’ve confirmed it by asking my 2 sisters and their college friends), maybe worrying about important stuff in their lives, or maybe just something about you reminds them of someone they don’t like.
Once you learn that if someone rejects you that doesn’t mean you are a bad person (unless you were a jerk to them), but it’s just that you’re not good for each other, you’ll instantly become more conﬁdent and calm knowing that, after all, you don’t have to win over all the females in the world – you just need to ﬁnd that one who can love you and accept you with all your ﬂaws. One more thing, remember that course I was talking about earlier? It’s called the psychology of attraction and it’s your guide to how a girl thinks, what she finds irresistibly attractive, and how to use psychology to make her want you. Marketing headline aside, it’s an animated course that teaches you stuff like texting tips, reading body language, rejection training, and how to understand any girl. I’ve helped so many guys with it, there’s tons of testimonials that I can’t just not share, so check out the link in the description and see how you could transform your life by understanding the psychology of attraction. Thank you guys so much for watching, and until next video!
Making the transition from friend to girlfriend can be a frustrating and confusing process. Movies make relationships look easy, even when they are dramatic and the characters are clumsy. Whether you feel like a leading man or the shy underdog, being vulnerable and expressing your feelings can take a lot of work.
Whether or not you are comfortable with being vulnerable and honest, these are the keys to not only telling a girl that you like her, but getting her to reciprocate your feelings. Women appreciate vulnerability, and unless you can give her a mind-reading device, you may be waiting years before she brings up the conversation.
Ready to learn how to tell a girl that you like her? Read on.
Show and tell a girl that you like her.
Sweet messages or kind words are not the only way to express how you feel. Use your actions to tell a girl that you like her. Small gestures and actions can help to “give her a hint” as you get ready to tell her your feelings directly. Even something simple, like buying her a coffee or giving her a compliment, will show her that in your mind, she is different from other girls.
Listen to her.
If you don’t know how to start showing a girl that you like her, listening is the best action you can take. The stories or things that she tells you will help you figure out what she is looking for in a partner and what you can do to make her like you. For example, if she is worried that she will do poorly on an upcoming exam, offer to help her study or send her a “good luck” text the day of the test. If she is feeling upset about her haircut, give her a compliment on her hair the next time you see her.
If you want to learn more about what she is looking for in a partner, ask…and listen to her response. When you find out what she is looking for, you can begin to show her that you fit that criteria. If she is looking for a partner that will make her laugh, amp up your joke-telling game or recommend some funny movies. If she wants someone who will be honest and vulnerable with her, know that you are doing the right thing by telling her that you like her.
Focus on the present moment rather than what could go wrong.
As humans, we tend to jump ahead and think about the future. In a situation like telling a girl that you like her, these future scenarios don’t always look so positive. You may be asking yourself, “What if she doesn’t like me?” or “What if this ruins our friendship?” Shutting off these thoughts can be hard, but will make your life a lot easier before and as you tell the girl that you like her.
In other words, relax! Remind yourself that you are not proposing, and that whether or not you start dating this girl, you will still be the same person.
Before you tell her, pump yourself up.
Vulnerability requires confidence, and nerves often get in the way. In order to give yourself the confidence to follow through with expressing your feelings, give yourself a little pep talk. It may seem silly to look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how cool you are, but hearing positive things can help to put your mind at ease. Affirmations can do wonders before any date.
Get your friends involved if you are struggling to give yourself a pep talk. A friend can tell you positive things and encourage you to be honest and open, no matter what the outcome. Even if you do not get the response that you want to hear, having positive thoughts in the back of your head will remind you that rejection does not make you any less of a person.
Be honest with her, not just her friends.
No one enjoys passive-aggressive behavior. Sharing your feelings directly with a girl can be intimidating, but is the best way to communicate. Without your honesty and openness, she may be getting mixed signals about how you feel and what you are looking for in your current relationship.
It may seem easier to gauge her response by asking for her friends’ opinions. Even if you get her friends to swear to secrecy, sooner or later, they will spill the beans and reveal your feelings. Giving her friends the control of this conversation may not work in your favor. You will not be able to hear her friends’ opinions on the situation and how they may influence her decisions. Expressing your feelings should not be done through a game of “whisper down the lane.”
Talk to her in an appropriate setting.
This is a conversation that should be had between you and her. Having the conversation at a party or big dinner with all of your friends will not only be awkward if things do not go well, but will decrease chances of getting a response in the first place. Friends can be distracting.
Ask her to get dinner, or even offer to cook for her at your house. Bring her to a place where the two of you can have a private conversation. She will not be distracted and will know that you are serious while you are being vulnerable. If you want to have some alcohol with your meal, limit yourself to two drinks. A little liquid courage may give you the confidence to finally tell her that you like her, but too much liquid courage will take away your control of the situation. Getting drunk will give her the impression that you are not serious about what you are saying, or that you are incapable of being vulnerable and honest in the first place.
Think about your body language throughout the conversation. Make eye contact to show that you are engaged in the conversation. Keep your hands and legs still; fidgeting will reveal that you are nervous and will make her nervous. Gently touching her leg or arm may be appropriate, if this is physical contact that both of you are used to and comfortable with. If you need to center yourself and take a deep breath in the bathroom before you talk to her, take this moment to relax.
Allow her to be open and honest about her feelings.
Your conversation will not end after you stop speaking. Part of talking to her in an appropriate setting is making sure the space is safe enough for her to express her feelings, no matter what they are. If you are putting a girl on the spot, you need to make sure she feels comfortable and can be open with you as well. She may not have a response for you at the moment, or may have to think about what you are telling her. As you are telling this girl that you like her, make sure you communicate that her feelings and opinions are important. Body language is important here as well. Uncross your arms; this will signal that you are open to hearing what she has to say.
Respect her response.
Even if you are “dropping hints” for a while before you tell a girl that you like her, she may be caught off-guard by your feelings at first. Give her space and time to think about her feelings toward you and what you have told her. If she feels pressured to answer you or make a decision about your relationship, she may not want to pursue you any further. The more comfortable she is, the more she is willing to listen to what you have to say.
Since Tinder was born in 2012, over 50 million people have joined the dating app. Swiping on potential matches in the area became the easiest way to set up dates and possibly make a love connection. Whether you are looking for Mrs. Right or Mrs. Right Now, Tinder can be fun or intimidating. You’ve matched a dozen of girls…now what? There are a few steps between matching with someone on Tinder and setting up a first date. By making your matches comfortable, and showing them some personality, you’ll be seated across from them at the bar in no time.
Read below for the best tips on how to set up a date on Tinder:
Read your match’s profile
Everyone is on Tinder for different reasons. Some matches will be looking for a fun date, and others will be looking for something more. This information, along with general information about your match, may be found in their profile. Before you craft your pickup line, read through your match’s profile and learn about them. Where did they go to school? Do they prefer beer over wine? Have they traveled anywhere interesting?
Even the smallest fact about your match can help you craft a creative and thoughtful pickup line. Reading through your match’s profile will also help you avoid touchy subjects (matches might mention if they don’t drink alcohol or are just traveling through for the weekend.)
Strike up a conversation with a question or response to their profile
The average person is on Tinder for up to 90 minutes a day. That’s a lot of time to match and start a conversation with someone. A quick “hello” or “how are you?” is often buried under more witty or interesting pick-up lines. (A greeting in GIF form, however, may catch someone’s eye and make them laugh.)
Let your first message reflect your personality. Cheesy one-liners are great for guys who pride themselves on being a bit corny and don’t take themselves too seriously. Observations about their profile and bio show that you took the time to get to know the person you are matching with. If your match has a question on their profile, giving an answer is a good idea, but know that all of their Tinder matches may be doing the same thing.
Your first Tinder message doesn’t have to make your match fall in love with you right off the bat, so don’t sweat it!
Stay away from taboo topics
Tinder messages are the new first dates; and the rule about taboo topics apply online. Keep conversation lighthearted and focused on your match’s interests. Religion, politics, and your ex should stay out of your messages. No Tinder match wants to think they are a rebound or that they are going to get into a heated debate over drinks.
This applies especially to sex. Tinder is often labeled as an app for people looking to have sex rather than a meaningful relationship. Even if you are simply looking for a casual fling, do not bring sex into the conversation. Unless your match strikes up a sexy conversation, leave bedroom talk for after the first date (that is, if it goes well.) Women tend to expect, but not necessarily get excited over, sexual advances, sexts, and unsolicited images through Tinder. Aggressively flirting or sending a “dick pic” will more often not end the conversation or get you blocked from Tinder.
Set up the date after a handful of messages
Once you have established a rapport with your Tinder match, it’s time to suggest a date. Tinder’s icon is a flame, and without the spark of an in-person meeting, the flame will fizzle out. Be proactive during your conversation and establish a date. A recent GQ article suggests sending a dozen thoughtful messages before asking someone on a date, and not delaying past those messages.
If you want to set up a date that your match will enjoy, base your date idea on your conversation. Let the conversation flow; an abrupt move may signal to your date that you are not interested in the conversation. If you are thinking too hard about how to set up a date on your Tinder conversation, you might want to wait for a few messages to go by before you make a move. The possibilities are endless, but the following date ideas are more likely to result in a positive response.
How to set up a date on Tinder, based on your conversation
If your match is new in town: Someone who is traveling or new to the area probably won’t know about the best bars or restaurants in the area. Offer to show your match your favorite bar that has great drink specials or a unique theme.
If you have a similar taste in music: Going to a gig this week? Invite your Tinder match! Seeing a band play at a bar will give you both something to talk about. A gig or similar event at the bar keeps the drinks flowing and the conversation going without the awkwardness of staring at each other from across the table.
If your match wants to meet your dog: If you have a dog in your profile pictures, you probably get asked about them a lot. Set up a date that involves man’s best friend. Offer to go on a picnic at the local dog park, or grab a coffee at a dog-friendly cafe.
And one more thing: if you want to go on a proper date, don’t ask your match over to your home, even if it’s for a home-cooked meal. You can ask your match to “Netflix and chill” once you have met up before and they feel comfortable around you.
After you have set up a date on Tinder
Having a great conversation? Great! You do not have to stop chatting after the date has been established. Your match will appreciate if you are genuinely interested and engaged in your conversation. Continuing to chat shows your match that you are on Tinder for more than just a night of fun.
Once you have set up a date on Tinder, offer your Facebook name or profile. Moving your conversation off of the app will help set you apart from other matches.
Talk to friends about how to set up a date on Tinder
Having trouble? Worried that you don’t know how to set up a date on Tinder with a match that you really like? Setting up a date immediately on Tinder may work for some guys; others may need to have a longer conversation and charm their matches before meeting them in person. If you want to see a second or third date, you should be yourself and do what works best for you.
Whether you are in the middle of a tricky conversation, or want some overall help on how to set up a date on Tinder, talk to friends about how you approach your matches. If you are trying to ask out women, talk to female friends. A like-minded peer will be able to read your individual messages and give you advice on how to set up a date on Tinder with a specific match.
Getting stuck in the friendzone is certainly no fun. Whether you have to hear your friend complain about the lack of good guys in the dating scene, or you are just too nervous to make a move, staying in the friendzone can feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment.
Making the transition from friends to something more isn’t as easy as it looks, especially in today’s dating scene. There are many different types of relationships outside of platonic friendship and monogamous partnership. Getting out of the friendzone to a place where you want to be requires patience, persistence, and vulnerability.
Read the following suggestions for how to get out of the friendzone below:
Find out what she is looking for in a relationship.
Want to know how to get out of the friendzone? Ask her how to get out of the friendzone!
Ask your friend what she is looking for in a relationship. You probably know the basic answers to this question, but dive deeper. An interest in punk music or a dry sense of humor is not going to get you out of the friendzone. Ask about her needs and the qualities she is looking for in someone that appeals to her as a lover and a partner. Her answers will show you what is holding her back. She may not see these qualities in you, or you may not be able to currently provide what she is looking for. If you can show her that you can give her what she wants in a partner, then you are more likely to get out of the friendzone.
In addition to asking her what she is looking for, you should ask her if she is looking for a relationship. If she needs time to get over a bad breakup or focus on her career, the best thing you can do is respect her boundaries and wishes. She will remember that respect when she is finally ready to enter a relationship.
Ask the 36 questions that lead to love.
Looking for questions that will get you out of the friendzone? Here are 36. Psychologist Arthur Aron developed a list of questions, broken up into three parts, that can bring two strangers together and make them lovers. And it’s worked! The questions from Aron’s study is not just appropriate for how to get out of the friendzone; it was used on how to get two strangers to fall in love.
These questions aren’t magic, and require both parties to be vulnerable and open to answer honestly. Sneaking these questions into a conversation will not flip the switch and get you out of the friendzone. If you are genuinely curious about the study, even bringing up the idea of these questions could spark a conversation about what it takes to fall in love, and whether or not your friend is ready for a relationship.
Assess how you talk about relationships.
If you want to know how to get out of the friendzone, you have to look beyond your friend’s signals and actions. You may be stuck in the friendzone because you friend thinks that you are not looking for a relationship. Are you telling her about girls that you are seeing? Have you mentioned that you are not looking for a girlfriend (even if you were not telling the truth?) Does she see you approaching women while you are out? Whether this information is coming from you or other friends, stories about other potential dates may lead her to think that you are not interested.
Start to change the way you discuss dating and relationships. Be open and honest about the fact that you want to be in a relationship, even if you do not express interest in her right off the bat. Vulnerability is key to getting out of the friendzone; closing yourself up will not allow your friend to let you into her life.
Do not be passive or gossip about your relationship.
Be careful about asking her friends about her feelings. It may seem wise to ask her friends about how to get out of the friendzone, but before you know it, her friends will let her know that you were asking. Even if she has similar feelings, hearing about you from a third party might make her feel uncomfortable, or that you are too nervous to make a move. Ultimately, getting out of the friendzone is a conversation that should happen between you and her…not you, her, and all of her friends.
Sometimes, all it takes to get out of the friendzone is honesty. Hiding your feelings due to fear will only send mixed messages. If you are upfront with her about your feelings, you are more likely to get a response about what she is looking for in a partner, and how you fit into the equation.
Make sure you are of sound mind when you talk about these feelings. Professing your love after a few drinks or during a moment of frustration will make your feelings appear less legitimate. Making someone feel uncomfortable is not a good way to start a potential relationship.
Taking the next step doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, either. Your relationship isn’t a romantic comedy; it’s real life. Simply asking your friend out to dinner can get the ball rolling. If you do want to take her on a unique date and get out of the friendzone, do not head to the same bar or restaurant that you visit with all of your friends. Make a little extra effort to have a nice evening with her, and only her. If she brings along her friends, you are no longer on a special date. If she wants to bring her friends, be honest about your intentions right off the bat. She will only know that you want to take her on a date if you let her know that the evening is a date. No one likes to be tricked or fooled.
Be patient and respect her feelings.
The age of Tinder and instant messages moves relationships along faster than ever, but you must remember that not all relationships develop overnight. No matter how hard you try to get out of the friendzone, you cannot force someone into a relationship. Being too aggressive or impatient will only strain your relationship, or end it altogether. If you are persistent, you must also be patient.
In the end, the best advice on how to get out of the friendzone is be honest and open about your feelings. Listening to your friend about what they want, and responding with patience and understanding, is the best way to show that you are making a genuine effort to move the relationship further.
Humans are social animals. If they let their social skills rust, they are weeded out by the merciless laws of society. In life, everything is up for grabs, if you show the desire and will to go for it. Approaching a cute girl doesn’t require an advanced degree, yet guys always end up overcomplicating this simple encounter. They let brooding thoughts of social anxiety and rejection hammer their minds and let an opportunity to bond with a potential soul-mate just slide by. Why is that?
Social anxiety is one of the paramount culprits of a flailing confidence. Whenever you approach a girl of your liking, you rehearse the encounter multiple times in your mind. Every time you run a particular social scenario inside your head, multiple outcomes ― most of which lead you to believe that it’s not going to well ― overcomplicate the whole process, decreasing your capacity to take “social risks “. “ Approach anxiety” and shyness hold you back from contributing to simple conversations. It’s impossible to eliminate social anxiety, but you can always learn how to control it and use it to your advantage. Confident guys who have experienced amazing success with girls are anxious, but they know how to tame their emotions.
A study carried out by Kashdan and Roberts (2006) highlighted the importance of curiosity in social interactions. Social anxiety stimulated feelings that stopped individuals from being a part of social interactions. However, subjects who had social anxiety, but were curious about the girls they were interested in, were able to enjoy social interactions more than their counterparts who lacked this curiosity. This curiosity changed their mindset, diverting their focus to the positive aspects of a social meeting. Fear of rejection was replaced by the desire to discover new things about their crushes.
Here are some tips to help you develop curiosity and how to be more confident talking to girls.
The reason why the first move is hard is because you give the girl the power validate or influence you. This puts you in a position of weakness and alleviates your attractiveness. Women like the thrill of chasing their potential lovers. And when something is just handed out to them on a silver platter, they lose interest in it. This doesn’t just go for females, but also for guys like us.
There are a number of sneaky conversation tactics that can keep the opposite gender guessing if you’re going Gaga for them or not.
Employing the aforementioned conversation tactics bolster your confidence in social settings. Girls are sophisticated beings and breaking the ice with them is a sensitive process. You can’t just throw yourself out there and give them the power to steer the conversation to an unfavorable outcome. Remember, persuasion demands a position of strength!
How to be more confident talking to girls? Practice our proven and scientifically backed social tactics on a frequent basis. There’s no simpler way!
87% of your thought processes are reflected in your words, body language, and emotional and/or physical responses and your surroundings. So don’t worry! Just because you don’t have the other person’s words to tell you what they are thinking about, there are many other ways to tap into their thoughts. With the knowledge of psychology today, it has become a routine task for even strangers in streets to perceive another person’s emotions.
Differences are substantial and cannot be ignored when it comes to sexes. The biological aspect gives rise to the psychological aspect. In the same context, thought processes of females vary from males. The physical manifestations of these processes, therefore, are also varied between the two parties.
In the past, a lot of research has been conducted on how to tell what a girl is thinking about. Some of the facts obtained were arrived at while conducting researches in other areas. Out of those researches, some were qualitative and the rest quantitative.
Two major domains of social sciences have contributed to this research area: behaviorists and linguists. It’s obvious to tell why; thought processes are influenced by your behavior and are reflected in both, verbal and non-verbal communications.
Whether it’s your mother or a sister or a friend or a girl you have a major crush on, somewhere along the way, their thought processes follow the same patterns.
However, keep in mind there is no one simple way to know such a thing. It’s an intricate highway, so you have to read all the roadside signs and navigate carefully on each turn. Following are some of the basic ways which prove helpful in knowing what a girl is thinking about:
Anyone’s surroundings directly impact the way they think, what they think about and how often or seldom they think. It has been observed that girls think about something they encounter repeatedly in their surroundings; while the opposite is also true ―they might not think about it at all― all a matter of preferences. For example, girls who live close to the beach are often heard of talking about how they can’t stop thinking of blue eyes, travel, rain and being independent…things indirectly associated with the sight and feel brought on by an open sea. In case of the opposite scenario, she might not be thinking at all about her surroundings. If she lives with someone who has a drinking problem, she might detest that person so much that she would never let her thoughts get tainted by alcohol.
Sarah Mills was the founder of feminist stylistics – the branch of stylistics which studies the style of women’s written and spoken discourse; stylistics itself being the study of one’s language style itself. Feminist stylisticians claim that women use language that’s more elaborate then men’s. Even though this sounds somewhat biased, it really isn’t. Women in fact do use language which is more detailed, filled with imagery and metaphors. Feminist stylisticians call this the ‘female sentence’ also known as the ‘sentence of the female.’ Listen to a girl talk, the way she describes her inner world. It’s literally the door to her mind and hence her thoughts.
Language is both verbal and non-verbal. Sometimes, she might not give you many words to judge what she is thinking about. But you will still have her non-verbal form of communication. This includes body language, which is a lot more than the way someone moves. Girls give a lot away in the way they carry themselves, the way their shoulders are either hunched or straightened, whether they push their hair behind their ear a lot or not and if they do, which hand do they use more (left-handed females are observed to use their right hand to push their hair behind the ear, especially while thinking of art-related thoughts).
Other gestures include:
Blinking rapidly: in case of thinking about past experiences
Hand movements: in case of thinking how to prove a point while narrating an incident simultaneously; expressing deep emotions and attitudes towards something/someone.
Fidgeting: in case of thinking whether or not to express emotions
Lip-biting: in case of thinking about urges and stifling them simultaneously.
Yes, the eyes are indeed the windows to the soul…and they never lie, too. Even if a girl is telling you she is not interested in hanging out with you, read the expression reflected in her eyes instead. Words can manipulate, but eyes don’t. Biologically speaking, females are mostly known to be more prone to emotions and hence react emotionally first and logically afterwards to happenings around them. As such, their emotions are reflected in their eyes instantly. To read those emotions is to read the thoughts that gave birth to them.
Ask her about what she likes and dislikes: It seems like such a simple thing, but it has proven to be a great source to tell what a girl is thinking about. Personal preferences always remain constant with regards to being reflexive of one’s attitude and hence their thoughts about something or someone. For example, most, if not all, girls who are interested in gardening are observed to possess a need to nurture their loved ones more so than those who aren’t interested in gardening at all. Her want to nurture is the reflexive part in her liking, which is gardening. If you see her watering her plants, first thing in the morning and spending hours talking to them too, she’s probably thinking about one day being the sole nurturer to someone special in her life.
Take note of how she leaves a place: Generally, when we leave a place, we always leave a bit of us there, too…especially in the case of females.
The case of Genie, the feral child deprived of human language ― could never learn it after the critical learning time period of 12 years of age, is a classic example of this. It has been reported by everyone who spent time with her that after leaving a place, Genie always left an impression or the other on the inhabitants there, which provided them insight into the last thing she was thinking about before leaving. If she was thinking about something she wanted to try out, she would purposefully drop items in a grocery store. If she wanted to own something in a specific color, she would fixate her gaze on an item of that color, an item being carried around by someone in her surroundings. Although Genie’s case of such non-verbal communication is very literal, it does provide us insight into knowing what a girl is thinking about…she will leave clues about it everywhere.
If you know a girl who paints, draws, sketches or does all three together, you are in for a good luck. Art has proven to be a direct manifestation of one’s thoughts. Even if you do not know a girl who is into art, you can always request her nicely to draw you something. The way she will make an outline is going to be different than the way another girl or guy will make it. Color combinations used by her will also be unique. It has been observed that girls who are ambitious use a combination of vibrant colors and creative outlines of their own, be it a painting or drawing.
There are many ways how to tell what a girl is thinking about; her language and gestures are only two pieces of the puzzle. It’s all a matter of attention and observation. Girls leave clues everywhere about what’s going on their mind.
Breakups are painful. We all go through several breakups during our lifetime, and even though the first one is the worst, in time we learn to manage and cope with our negative emotions. People come and go in our lives, and the best thing to do is cherish them for the time they are with us, and cherish the memories after they’ve left. If you’re going through a hard breakup or you just can’t get over a relationship that ended some time ago, here are some tips and things you can do to help you get out of this mental state:
Don’t be shy.. to cry
The best thing you can do when suffering is to allow yourself to feel all those negative feelings that arise, because this is the healthiest way of getting over them successfully. If it’s been a while since your breakup and you didn’t cry enough, it’s possible that you’re still attached to the relationship and unable to move on. It’s important to “feel the feels” as they come, instead of trying to minimize them and undermine their impact. Listen to all the sad songs, take all the long hot baths, eat all the chocolate – give yourself the time you need to grieve and to process everything that has happened. If you go deeply into this you will eventually bore yourself back into enjoying life. I suggest you keep a journal in all this time, to record your negative feelings as well as everything you might want to tell to your ex. The simple act of writing them down will help you get them out of your system, instead of mindlessly repeating them in your mind and causing the same amount of frustration each time. This might also give you some valuable insights regarding your relationship and the contribution that you both had in the breakup. You can use this occasion to do a bit of self-reflection and see how this could help you improve in your future relationships.
Declutter (and redecorate)
If you’ve been living together for a while and now they suddenly left, you will not only feel emptiness in your heart, but in your home as well. Keeping things as they were will only make you suffer more, reminding you of your ex and all the memories you had with them. So try moving the furniture around, paint your walls a different color, or just do a deep cleaning session. Doing this has multiple benefits, it’s switching your attention to something else, gets you focused on your own desires, will freshen the space and declutter your mind as well. It’s a place of total freedom where you can express yourself and make your living place “yours” – a place to feel good with yourself and focus on your own self-growth.
Engage in physical activities
It’s incredible how a jogging session can change your mindset. If you don’t like jogging, don’t worry: hiking, playing tennis (or any team sports) with friends, dancing, skating, or even going for a walk in a nearby park, they’re all just as effective. Training our muscles in any activity releases happiness hormones such as endorphins, dopamine and serotonin, which will help you raise your self-esteem and deal with the rejection easier. Also, going outside is good because it’s a different environment, it triggers your brain in different ways than staying home does. Any change in scenery is good and if it’s sunny outside, you get an extra dose of vitamin D which also changes your mood for the better.
Focus on things other than yourself
If you’re not a big fan of exercising, or you have a health condition that doesn’t allow you to do much physical effort, you can engage in other activities like helping a friend with something, visit your parents, volunteer in a charitable activity. You can also try learning something new – a pottery class, a foreign language, anything that can give your brain something else to think about.
Any of these activities will help raise your self-esteem back to normal, and who knows, maybe even help you meet new amazing people.
Make peace with your past
Just because you are suffering after a breakup, try not to “throw the baby away with the bathwater” – in other words, instead of dismissing the whole relationship and feeling sorry you even had it, you can cherish the good memories and try practicing some gratefulness for them. Even if the experience with that person has come to an end, you still have your memories – you had a lot of fun, learned a lot of new things, and enriched your life with great experiences. It’s a valuable chapter in your book of memories, of things to remember when you’re old.
Take care of your self-esteem and give yourself the love you want
Try to not connect the rejection with everything you fear or hate about yourself. Your relationship didn’t end because of some flaws you see in yourself, it ended because of a bigger incompatibility that you might not be able to see now because of your emotional implication, but will see it someday (maybe after ten years, when you meet them again and will think “Oh gosh, I was in love with this person? I wonder what I saw in them!?”). The worst thing you can do is try to put on a mask, in hopes that they will soon realize their “mistake” and come crawling back to you – this unfortunately never happens. You cannot manipulate someone into loving you, so offering them sex (or.. anything, really) will not make them want you more. If anything, you will only appear desperate and that’s the opposite of appealing. Try to focus on your own life goals, your own dreams and all the hobbies you never had time for. Try loving yourself and have a good relationship with yourself, because people tend to be attracted to similar people, so the more balanced you are, the more likely it is to find a balanced person to share your life with.
One of the hardest feelings someone could experience is feeling rejected. But rejection is a part of life, we all feel it from time to time, whether it’s with a work project, a romantic situation, or even a random request that we address someone at one point in time. It makes us feel ashamed and inadequate, and sometimes, even wonder whether something is seriously wrong with us. There are studies that showed that the brain parts that activate when being rejected are the same ones that allow us to feel physical pain – this explains why rejection literally hurts. But no matter how unpleasant it is, it’s still a part of anyone’s life, with no exception. And the best things you can do to overcome the negative feelings associated with it are:
Don’t take it personally
Most people, when rejecting someone, they do it for a multitude of reasons. They might not be emotionally available (in a romantic scenario), they might have had a bad day, they might have some more important things to deal with, they might have a ton of insecurities themselves, or maybe your face simply reminds them of someone they don’t like. There’s not much to do about these things, especially because none of them are really “your fault”. If you got rejected by a stranger at a bar, don’t stress too much over it. They didn’t even give you a chance to show them what an awesome person you might be and of course that feels unfair, but just think of it like “their loss”. You know for yourself that you’re awesome, and if someone couldn’t see this in you, then it’s really their loss! Besides, try to believe people when they say “It’s not you, it’s me!” They are right most of the times.
People’s judging is often subjective, based on personal preference, personal history and life experiences. When someone rejects you (or something you did) it might not have anything to do with your personal value, but rather with their imperfect capability of seeing value (or they just have different needs at the time). We all heard those stories where creatives (writers, illustrators, or general content creators) have sent their projects to tens or hundreds of publishers and got rejected a million times before they reached that one person who accepted to publish their work – and they got famous for it afterwards. This proves that people judge things through their own lenses, and just because one person (or ten, or a hundred) can’t see the value in what you have to give, that doesn’t mean what you have to give isn’t valuable – you just have to reach the right person and it takes a little trial and error until you do. Besides, you can’t really want a relationship (whether it’s a romantic or a work relationship) with someone who doesn’t want you back – that’s very counterproductive emotionally and can make you waste a lot of time and energy trying to get something you can’t have, just because you can’t take no for an answer.
Learn from rejection
The best thing you can do is take rejection as an opportunity for self-development and growth. Sometimes you get rejected because you simply didn’t prepare enough. If you repeatedly get rejected in job interviews for example, take a moment to step back and review your resume and/or actions, and see what you can adjust and improve. If your work is rejected, the feedback you receive from people who criticize your work can give you valuable information on what to change and how to develop even further, propelling your work to the next level. If, however, someone’s feedback is off-putting and far from constructive (simple replies like “awful work” or “this is a stupid idea”), then just forget them and move on. There’s no point in wasting your energy suffering because someone trolled you (there are plenty of them on the internet nowadays) or because someone was too uninspired to write something constructive instead. Whatever the situation, try to improve as much as you can and keep persevering – it’s the only way of actually finding the right person/agent/job/etc.
Accept that rejection as a part of life itself, and don’t let it paralyze you in your future endeavors
Being rejected is a sign that you’re living your life to the fullest, because you were brave enough to go out there, take a chance and see what happens – it’s important to experience a wide range of the things there are to experience in one’s lifetime, in order to grow wiser as you grow older. If you just sit under a rock, afraid to make connections and afraid of taking risks, then there aren’t many chances to meet new people and to even have the occasion of being rejected. Sylvia Plath once said, “I love my rejection letters; they show me I try.” So you shouldn’t let the fear of rejection block your actions in the future. Just keep in mind that it’s impossible to be right for all the markets, so persevere until you find the one you fit with.
The only thing that matters in the end is your own self-approval
If someone fails to see your worth, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t either. The first person to ever validate and love you should be yourself – when you believe in yourself, it makes it easier for others to believe in you as well. When you stand up for yourself and you know your value, this makes it easier for others to recognize value in you. So go give yourself a bit of self-love (link to the other article maybe?) because this will help you bounce back in no time, making the actual rejection lose its power over you and your emotions. And it will help you continue to pursue your goals in life and embrace it with all its experiences. Don’t let the fear of being rejected stop you from being yourself or doing what you like.