How to be more Confident – Tips to Boost your Self Esteem

Alright, this is going to be a pretty long article with tons of information on how to increase your confidence. The whole thing is going to be centered around the idea of changing yourself. I know lots of people are going to comment about why you shouldn’t change yourself, but let me explain. If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten. If you want more in life, you’re going to have to change, and in relationship to this video when changing we are always going to grow, that is in a positive manner.

So the first tip I’m going to give is to be more self aware.

You have to own up to your weaknesses and be self-aware of what your insecurities are to become more confident. If you’re self-esteem is pretty low, its most likely because you have a ton of insecurities and you don’t value yourself. I know it’s hard, and it’s a decision you’re going to have to make on your own, but to be more confident, you’ll have to own up to the parts of you that suck. Here’s some examples; for me, I get really jealous in a relationship.

Even just seeing my girlfriend talking to some other guy gets to me. Another insecurity is my hairline, oh my gosh I have a horrible hairline. That sucker mixed with my weird cow licks just seems to condemn me to long hair, which is going to be interesting when I start balding. Anyways, the idea is to own up to insecurities, and figure out if you can change them. I can’t really change my hairline, but I can change my jealousy if I work on it.

It might take years, and a huge mindset change, but I’m working on it and it’s that easy. See how I can actually joke about my terrible hairline? It’s because I owned up to it; it’s not a part of me I can control, so I don’t see it as something I identify with.  I’m more confident because I know my weaknesses and I’m working on them. It’s difficult at first, but when you own up to your insecurities, and claim them, it becomes easier to care less what other’s think of you. Stop comparing yourself to other people, instead compare yourself to previous versions of yourself, that’s accurate data to work it. Change your understanding of yourself.

The next tip is to change your thinking.

To be more confident, you’ll definitely have to change your thinking. Now, there is a fine line between thinking confidently and thinking arrogantly. If you think arrogantly, you’re going to become a scummy person and fall into the pitfalls and failures of an egotistical person described in Ego is the Enemy. Your goal should be to think positively. Specifically of yourself. I don’t care how many negative traits you have or claim, if you want to be more confident, you’re going to have to overlook those and stop focusing them. There’s this big huge law in personal development called the law of attraction; which means the more your focus on something, the more it will manifest itself in your life. Focus on your weaknesses and they’ll become worse.

Focus on your strengths, and they’ll grow. Just like the author of The Magic of Thinking Big says, if you focus on something, even if it’s insanely out there, like owning a Lamborghini by the end of the year, if you truly focus on it, your brain will start to find ways to make it happen. It will start focusing on the possibility and the steps you need to take to complete that goal.

Your mind is the most powerful tool you have, so put it to use and start focusing on the positive in your life and through perception, the negative will start to fade away. Now, there are times like drug addiction or other serious life problems where you shouldn’t just sweep that under the rug, but when someone says something rude to you or even something like your car doesn’t start; ignore the negative and look at the positive. Now you get to search for a new ride to work and maybe even meet a future best friend of business partner.

Another way to be more confident is to forgive yourself of anything you’ve ever held on to. This might only apply to one person watching this video, but if it helps them grow out of that dark place they are in, it’s worth my time to talk about it. It’s not your fault, and if it is, dwelling over it isn’t going to get you anywhere. Become a better person and grow from it. Even if it’s just one step to forgive yourself, it’s a step in the right direction. There are a couple things in my life I’ve had to forgive myself of, one took a really hard toll on me because I particularly hurt a lot of people in my life (I might talk about this is future videos), but I forgave myself from it and look how many people I’m helping now. Moving on, let’s talk about cognitive dissonance.

So some famous psychologist said that if we reduce cognitive dissonance in our lives, we become healthier individuals and in turn, become more authentic and confident. First, cognitive dissonance is when the things you feel, think, and say are different from the actions you actually take. For example, if I think someone shouldn’t be doing something, but I don’t say anything because they are a person of power or authority, I am creating cognitive dissonance in my mind. Another example is the mental stress of is someone driving a car bad for the environment, but would agree they were an environmentally friendly person. Cognitive dissonance can happen even without you knowing and becoming more self-aware and knowing the full outcomes of your decisions will help in this area, although cognitive dissonance is still technically a theory. Reducing conflicting beliefs is the basic idea of this tip.

Everyone has the voice in their head that critiques their actions. In fact some people have intrusive thoughts that tell them to jump off that cliff or to throw the baby their holding, some even have thoughts to kill elderly people, or even the thought of how easy it would be when they’re around them. This doesn’t pertain to the video really, but it’s called intrusive thoughts and is something we all have, I found it interesting, weird, but didn’t want to make a whole video on it. Anyways, back to the inner critic, when you do things, you have to stop your inner critic from talking. “Oh, you’re doing that wrong” “She will think you’re so weird” “Your extremist father wouldn’t want you to do this” These type of thoughts limit us and are dangerous to our own self-worth. Usually these inner thoughts are about what other people will think, and should just be dismissed. Don’t let them creep in. To be a more confident person, you have to think more clearly without this second belittling voice chirp in it’s two cents.

Groom, dress, and look nice!

How you look affects your own confidence, if you feel like you’re walking around in baggy clothes that put down your name, you will feel it, you will think it, and it will come out in your actions. However, some people, including me, have noticed that just by wearing more “preppy” clothes, or a suit and tie, your actions, your thoughts will literally change!

Set small goals and achieve them.

For me, this was one of the biggest things that got me the initial confidence I needed to get out of a really depressed spot in my life. I started running, actually I started walking, and I would walk around the block just once, and then when I went the second week, and walk around twice, it was this huge accomplishment that really helped me. The idea here is to set goals, achievable goals, and make sure you’re always challenging yourself, and hitting what your challenges are. I hit 1000 subscribers, then 10,000, then 100,000 and my confidence just blew up. Be careful with this though, as stated in my “ego is the enemy” book review, this can turn into arrogance and you’ll be blind to where you can improve. Take the confidence and use it better yourself, start by setting small goals and achieve them.

Hang around more confident people. This is just common sense and works for anything. If you want to be a better accountant, hang around other great accountants, if you want to be a great COD player, spend time around other great COD players. Find people who have already achieved the goals you wish to achieve, and spend some time around them, it’s like a shortcut, not a cheat code, because everyone has this opportunity, you just have to put in the work, the hours, and the effort to spend your time around people you want to be like. Remember that saying, “you are the average sum of the 5 people in your life you spend most of your time around?’ it’s true. If you want to be more confident, spend more time around confident people.

Learn to appreciate everything in your world, including yourself. Sometime it takes falling in love for you to realize that someone can see everything great about you. There are so amazing things in this world, on this planet, and in your circle of influence that you can be appreciative about, don’t take them for granted.

A short term method to increase temporary confidence is to change your body language. In fact, body language is the only thing you can fake until you make when it comes to confidence. Your physiological posture will change the hormones in your blood and brain and make you feel more confident. Walk like you’re going somewhere. Tilt your chin up just enough that you’re more confident but not arrogant. Smiling helps a lot since positivity is related to self-esteem. Pull your shoulders back and if you’re sitting, keep your legs pointed towards people. Put your hands together in a Sherlock Holmes fashion so only your fingertips are touching. When talking, look people in the eyes. These tips help most people feel more confident within a couple of seconds, so they might work for you too.

Another short term change is to change the way you look, although this can delve into the long term. Some people get a sense of security and confidence from fitting in, which contradicts our first tip, but does work for some people. Wearing popular clothes, the newest sunglasses and even wearing a great cologne fragrance can help increase your temporary confidence, while making more long-term changes to your body through weightlifting, exercising and diet can also impact your self-esteem levels. This is where being self-aware comes in play, you have to know which style will help you be more confident and which will be easier for you.

Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed this video, and learned something, and if you want to repay me or this channel in the slightest, just leave a like below, it’ll help me know which type of videos to make more of, and watch other channels, thanks for everything, much love!

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