Being able to flirt effectively goes a long way when you’re trying to get a girl you’re interested in to feel the same way about you. Some people are naturally good at flirting and others not so good, but luckily it’s something that can be learned by just about anyone. With knowledge of what girls like and some practice, you can become an effective flirter and make yourself more appealing.
Some of the suggestions that we’ll cover have been proven effective in psychological studies and experiments, but usually only in heterosexual interactions. However, most women tend to like the same kinds of traits and behaviour regardless of orientation, so many of these recommendations are suitable for same-sex flirtation too.
The first impression is significant and your body language is a big part of it. Before you even have a chance to say anything, the way you carry yourself will give the girl you’re approaching an idea of what you’re like. Ideally, you want to come off as casual and confident as these traits make you more attractive. Keep your shoulders back and relaxed. If you’re standing, make sure your feet point forward or slightly outward. These aspects of your posture will help you appear more outgoing and friendly.
Once you’ve settled in, add in some displays of social dominance. Women typically like men who have alpha characteristics so expressing strength though your pose can make you more attractive on an unconscious level. Try some “space maximization techniques”. Men who are of higher social standing often feel comfortable taking up more space, so drape your arm over the chair next to you or sit with your legs spread to imply you are of high standing. Only do this if there is enough space, though; if you’re taking up space in a way that imposes on other people around you, it can come off as rude instead. But if there’s extra room around you, go for it. If your friends are nearby, you can also show dominance by playfully elbowing or shoving them. You don’t want to come off as overly rough, but some light roughhousing can be masculine in a way that is appealing to women—assuming they are attracted to masculine qualities. Combine these actions with a friendly demeanor and a smile and it’s likely to pique her interest.
While smiling is a great way to show you’re enjoying your time with a girl, it can sometimes be better to smirk than to have a full, toothy smile on your face. It’s perfectly natural to smile while laughing, and women love to see that you’re enjoying yourself; but, research has found that grinning widely too much can make you appear desperate or over-eager. Instead, try smirking. While you’re listening to her, switch out the big smile for a gentle smirk. It’s more relaxed but still shows that you’re interested in what she’s saying. Women don’t like men who seem desperate to win them over—smirking will give the impression of a laid-back demeanor which is much more appealing.
Eye contact makes a significant difference in any social interaction, and when flirting with girls, it’s extremely important. Girls are more likely to like guys who show that interest in them. Making eye contact with a girl from across the room signals to her that you’re interested, and holding it in conversation shows her that that she’s the focus of your attention. This makes her feel special which makes the flirtation more enjoyable for her. Additionally, eye contact is useful for forming a connection. Research has shown that making eye contact for as little as two minutes can spark feelings of attraction and affection. If staring into her eyes romantically stirs up those kinds of feelings, she’ll be more receptive to other flirtatious behaviour, like smiling and light touches.
If your body language and making eye contact are both important in flirting, using them together for greater effect makes sense, right? More specifically, making sudden movements while holding eye contact is particularly impactful. A study from Radboud University and Rutgers University found that the combination makes you—and what you say—easier to remember. So, while you’re talking to her and making eye contact, try adding in the occasional sudden motion like moving your hand across the table or turning your head to the side for a quick glance across the room. It’ll help make an impression on the girl you’re flirting with and she’s likely to remember more of your interaction.
Of course, physicality isn’t all there is to flirting. It can help when you’re approaching a girl you’re interested in and enhance the overall experience, but what you say is also a huge part of winning her over. One thing that can get her interested in talking with you is a little banter. It’s especially useful when starting a conversation since it’s immediately intriguing if done right and will draw her in. Be careful though; banter should be witty and have an element of teasing, but should not be crude or mean. That will probably push her away. So don’t take it too far, just keep it light and playful.
“Playful” is really a key word when it comes to flirtation. It should be fun for you and for her, and adding humour into your conversation will help a lot. Everyone has heard it before—girls like guys who can make them laugh. Researchers have conducted studies to prove it and, sure enough, men who make more successful attempts at humour are the ones that women are more likely to be attracted to. When you make a girl laugh, she tends to enjoy the interaction more and sees you as someone who is fun to be around. This in turn makes her want to spend more time with you. And it’s even better when you get to laugh together; it causes unconscious recognition that you’re sharing perspective, which makes the connection between you stronger since people tend to like people they have things in common with. Throw in a bit of self-deprecating humour while you’re at it; not so much that you come off as being insecure, since that isn’t attractive to most girls, but enough that it gives the impression that you don’t take yourself too seriously. If it makes her laugh, you’re doing well.
Complimenting her is another way to let her know that you like her and will make her feel good. It seems like an obvious thing to do, but there are ‘do’s and ‘don’t’s when it comes to complimenting a girl. Try to avoid clichés like telling her that she has beautiful eyes or a nice smile. It may be true, but it’s unoriginal and so general that it can come off as insincere. Instead, take the time to notice details about her and really listen to what she’s saying before rushing into a compliment so you can mention something more specific. Tell her that the way her nose crinkles when she laughs is cute, or that you like how passionate she sounds about the topic she’s been talking about. Straying from the typical and making the compliment unique to her makes it clear that you’re paying attention to her, and that’s incredible important. Keep in mind that some girls can be a little uncomfortable about accepting compliments, though. If that’s the case, don’t push it and try to convince her it’s true; just leave it and move on.
Last, but definitely not least, be yourself and be genuine. It’s flirting advice that has been repeated so often that it shouldn’t have to be mentioned, but it does. So many people become intimidated by the girl they like and are so focused on impressing her that they forget themselves and decide to be what they think the girl will like. They’ll see through it; when you’re pretending to be someone you’re not, the girl you’re talking to will either sense it right away or, if you start dating, she’ll find out down the road. It’s best to just be you. And let her see different parts of your personality; if you’re funny, passionate, ambitious, intellectual, athletic, creative… let it show. When you talk about yourself, vary the topics. Women like a range of different qualities in a partner, so don’t hesitate to let her see that you’re complex. The more she sees, the more there is for her to potentially like.
Not every girl likes the same things while flirting; everyone is unique and has their own preferences. But in general, the suggestions outlined here will help you to be more successful in approaching girls you’re interested in and showing them that you’re a good potential date. Pay attention to how she responds and make tweaks to your behaviour accordingly. Make her smile, make her laugh, let her know that you’re interested in her and what she has to say through your body language, compliments, and conversation. Make a good impression and do it while being yourself. At that point, you’ve done all you can—the rest is up to her.