It’s very common to have arguments with your other half. Things can’t be just peachy all of the time. Life’s not perfect, which means love certainly isn’t perfect either. So, you’re here because you’ve had a big bust up. It’s likely you’ve overreacted, you’ve both lost your temper and you’ve ended up shouting at each other. You may have even called each other some choice words. It happens. But, how do you get your relationship back on track before it’s too late? Here’s how to resolve an argument with your partner.
Don’t let it escalate any further.
When we become angry as human beings, we become irrational. We can’t always control what we say or what we do, as it feels like the devil is on our shoulder, whispering in our ear. Before you get so angry that you start to say or do unkind things, try and stop yourself. Cut communication with your partner and tell them you’ll talk to them later when you’re both feeling much calmer. It’s so tempting to send them a dig in a Whatsapp message, or post to the world on Facebook how you’ve never felt this angry before, but this will only make things worse.
Take some time to cool down.
Having some personal breathing space is important after a big argument with your partner. If you’re living in the same house, go to your parents’ or friend’s house for a time out. If you’re physically apart, ban yourself from messaging them or phoning them for half a day. You need time to reflect on what was said, not just on their part, but on yours too. If the argument was rather monumental, then it’s likely that you will be angry at each other for a significant period of time. You need to get back to your cool, calm and collected self before you can even think about contacting them or being near them again.
Arrange a time to talk when you’re both ready.
As soon as you’ve calmed down properly, and you can think rationally again, contact them to let them know that you’re prepared to talk. Whether you choose to see them face-to-face, talk on the phone or just Whatsapp them, do it at your own pace. Bear in mind that you might be ready for communication before they are and, in this case, you’ll have to accept that they need more space and let them come to you when they’re ready.
Write down what you want to say before you talk.
This isn’t imperative, although it might help you organise your thoughts. If you write down everything you want to cover when you next talk beforehand, you are unlikely to miss anything out. You’ll be as prepared as you can be, in the sense that you’ve thought everything through. You can also keep referring to the piece of paper if you need to, which will prevent you from forgetting any key points.
Talk it all out.
When it comes down to having ‘the talk’, make sure you cover all bases. Calmly explain your point of view, including how they made you feel and how their behaviour provoked you to act the way you did. If you made a mistake, own up to it. Apologise. A lot of people find admitting they were wrong difficult, but your partner will really appreciate your courage and honesty. If you’re desperately craving an apology for a mistake they made, then make it clear to them that it’s going to take an apology to enable you both move forward. You need to come to some kind agreement of how you can both learn and grow from the experience, to prevent similar arguments happening again in future, and to help your relationship evolve.
We are all human beings, we have different minds and we disagree sometimes. It’s inevitable, especially in relationships when you’re so totally obsessed with the other person, therefore you overreact and delve deeper into what they say and do. However, it’s all about how we handle these arguments when they happen. And it’s about how we put them right. The want and willingness to make things work has to come from both sides, and if you’ve each got that desire, then you and your relationship will be just fine.