There are many fun aspects of dating. Dressing up, going for fancy dinners and meeting someone who you have a potential connection with are just a few of them. But dating also has its downsides, such as the awkward silences, having nothing in common with the other person and the sheer expense of it all. Having to spend your hard earned cash on an experience that made you want to tear out your own hair in frustration is not exactly ideal. But what happens if your date didn’t think it went that badly? What happens if they’ve been texting you for weeks, keep asking you for a second date and just downright refuse to leave you alone? Whether you’ve only just met them, or you’ve been dating for a few weeks and you’ve suddenly had a change of heart, here’s how to lay it all on line and tell them you’re just not interested.
1. Physically speak to them.
If you don’t know them that well and you’ve literally been on one date, then it might be okay to say what you have to say in a text. However, if you’ve had a fair few dates and you know them relatively well, then make sure you have this conversation on the phone or – even better – in person. Whatever you do, try not to just “ghost” them. If you haven’t already heard, “ghosting” is a millennial term referring to romantic links disappearing right out of your life. There’s no text, no phone call, no form of communication – your date is there one day and then simply gone the next. “Ghosting” is not a very nice way to treat someone, so it’s always kinder to have a conversation with your date – however hard it may be.
2. Have a valid list of reasons.
So many millennials nowadays are picky when it comes to dating and make up the most trivial excuses not to see someone anymore, which are often circumstantial, such as “they had bad breath” or “they were wearing a ridiculous shirt”. It’s important to give someone a chance first and foremost; however, if there are serious issues involved which severely affect your compatibility, then there’s no shame in putting an end to it sooner rather than later. People are different. And not everybody is going to be right for each other. Just make sure you’re honest and open about your reasons when you’re having the conversation and they will respect you more for it.
3. Let them down as gently as possible.
Sure, be honest and open – but not to the point where you are full-on insulting them. If they want to continue the relationship, and you don’t, then they are naturally going to be hurt when you sit them down and let them know this fact. Try to be mindful of this and say what you want to say in a tactful and careful way.
4. Include positives, as well as negatives.
Even though the essence of the conversation is negative, it would help keep your date’s spirits up and ease the tension between you both if you include some positive talking points. Have you really enjoyed getting to know them, despite the outcome? Tell them. Do you still want them in your life as a friend? Make sure you stress this. If the answer is no to both of these questions, then be as polite as possible and simply walk away.
5. Try to end the conversation on a good note.
If your date doesn’t agree with you and is bitter about the whole situation, it’s highly likely that the conversation is not going to end well. Sometimes, they can seem to take the news well, respond in an uplifting way to your positive comments and the conversation still won’t end on a good note. Often, it’s not personal. They’re just upset. The news is raw. But try your best to leave your ex with only positive vibes before you potentially never see them or talk to them again. It will ease your conscience and also make them feel better about it all.
6. Be respectful of their feelings.
Your ex might never want to see you again – and that’s fine. It’s their decision. If this is the case though, don’t start bombarding them with messages because you selfishly still want them in your life even though you know they are into you and you don’t feel the same. Respect their decisions and you can walk away with your head held high, knowing that you handled the situation as well as you possibly could.
Whether the conversation goes well, or insanely bad, it’s a conversation that needs to happen. And you will feel so relieved once it’s over. Remember to be as kind as you possibly can – no one likes to hear that their feelings aren’t reciprocated – and then move forward with your life. Good luck!