3 Ways to Deal with Rejection – Psychologically be Okay with Getting Turned Down
In this article let me talk about handling rejections in our life. I am sure you have faced failure in your life at one step ar another, whether it was in a job interview or the girl you had a crush on or your application form got rejected from the college which was your #1 choice for graduation. Everybody has faced these failures in their life, and if you have not, congratulations you are either a 5 year old or the luckiest person in the world. So today we are going to talk about 3 things to remember when handling rejection:-
1. Body language: Make “the face.”
If you have watched “Casino Royale,” then you would know that in the movie James Bond has a back-and-forth with Vesper Lynd, and she initially seems to get a leg up on him and put him in his place. She walks away, having won.
So what does he do, does he attach emotional feelings to the rejection or think less of himself. No, if you would see his expressions at such scenes you would see that his face reveals a lot about how confident he is. The combination of “huh! That was interesting” combined with “well, obviously I’m eventually going to succeed”?
Because he knows he is James Bond and he can get the girl he wants and if not he will get a better one.
YOU TOO can use that exact same physical expression. You can feel just like James Bond feels after a rejection. You can make that same face – and feel that same way – any time you want. I do it when I remember to. It’s amazing how just making that simple face for two seconds makes you feel different. It stops negative thoughts in their tracks as if you’ve dismissed the entire validity of the rejection and your brain goes “oh, he doesn’t attach emotional meaning to this rejection; I’ll just toss that memory in the recycle bin.”
And that is it, you just have to believe in your worth. You always have to remember that it is not your fault to have been rejected maybe you are just not the type. You will find the girl or the job of your dreams one day and you would look back to this day and think “Thank god I was rejected otherwise I might not have ended up here.”
2. Attitude: Remember “you can’t win them all.”
Dita Von Teese once said— ‘You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.’
Always remember that you getting rejected might not have anything to do with you. Maybe there was not just a job matching your profile. Maybe they were intimidated by your achievements and thought you might leave the job as you can get much better opportunities. Maybe the boy/girl you asked out has a different type. Just remember that no one wins them all.
Let’s take another Bond example just for the sake of how many times even James Bond gets rejected. A beautiful girl betrays James Bond in “Thunderball.” Maybe par for the course for Bond movies, but certainly something most people would have a negative reaction to.
“Well, you can’t win them all.”
That’s it. That’s all it requires, in the moment, to completely re-frame how you felt about the rejection. You don’t see him indulge in negative self-talk like “dangit, Bond, you messed up!” Nope.
Just “you can’t win them all.”
When you say “you can’t win them all,” the assumption is that you would win them all if it weren’t for that one rejection. How’s that for a re-frame of the entire situation? In that light, rejection becomes funny and interesting, because you’re so awesome from your point of view that to have anyone reject you would have to be funny and interesting.
Just think, “Really? You’re rejecting me? That’s a bit odd. Well, you can’t win them all.” And smile. Then make the face.
You can now handle rejection like James Bond. Congrats! Just remember that you can do it, and believe that you have that power, and it will be so.
In an experiment conducted at Harvard, some students were divided into two groups. One group was of the college studs and another was that of the geeks i.e. students who focus more on studies and feel shy even talking to girls. Now, these 2 groups were asked to just go to random clubs and ask girls out and the group getting the most number of girls to say yes will win. Can you guess who won?
Of course, it was the studs. But when the ratio of girls saying yes to the number of girls asked was compared between the 2 groups it turned out to be almost same. So what happened here? How did the studs get more girls? Well, simple when one of the geeks got rejected they thought they are not getting girls so they stopped trying but when one of the studs was rejected they just moved on to the next girl knowing that they can’t win them all. And that mindset was the sole reason for them winning.
So, in the end, it all comes down to taking chances in the real world.
Rejection is only a big deal if you’ve built the person up in your head…If you’ve sat around crushing and fantasizing about them, then yeah, getting rejected is horrible. It’s the end of that elaborate fictional person you built up in your dreams. That sucks.
So don’t do that. If you’re interested in someone, go ask them out. Do it before your brain starts fixating, and you’ll never have a problem, because it’ll never be that big a deal, and you’ll learn to casually ask and to gracefully get shut down.
Willpower is everything, friend. If you truly believe you can, then you will. It takes practice but it is possible.
3. Learning from rejection
Always Remember that “A failure is a failure only if you fail to learn from it”.
Learning from a rejection will always help you to grow in order to reach a goal. When the girl says ‘no’, don’t get all worried and awkward, just continue the conversation for 5 more minutes, you might end up learning the reason for her saying no. Don’t ask her the reason just talk casually with her as you would with anyone else. Got rejected from a job opportunity, just ask them what skill they would like you to work on. In the process, you can learn about some of your drawbacks and work on them to get better and score your dream job and your dream girl.
One thing you need to keep in mind, a solid ‘no’ is always better than a run-around. I’d rather get told no, rather than, “I don’t think I’m free this week, maybe some other time.” That then leads to a five-minute conversation asking when works good for her. Don’t take it to heart. It’s hard being rejected sometimes but in the end, it’s better to be rejected and to move on than to be strung along with a person who doesn’t want to be with you.
So overall, you just have to believe in yourself, know that nobody wins them all and learn from rejection. A good exercise would also be to put yourself in their shoes.
Imagine getting asked out by a girl who just “isn’t your type.” If you’re a decent enough guy, you don’t hate them, you don’t pity them, you don’t wanna make fun of them…you just don’t really want to go out with them.
Our minds tend to immediately go for the worst case scenario, but just remember that most people aren’t out to get you. Sometimes you just aren’t their type. No biggie.