Author Archives: Katie D
Author Archives: Katie D
Life. Such a fascinating subject. How bizarre is it that we only get one life-time? Let’s just stop and think about that for a second. One life, approximately 80 years on average, to fill with good times and happy memories. One life to do everything that we want to do, to see everything we want to see and achieve everything we want to achieve. One life to make an impact. One life – and then, before you know it, it’s over. We should never forget that we only get one shot at this. This is no dress rehearsal. We should try to live everyday as if it’s our last, because we never know when it’s going to end. That being said, here are 5 sayings we should all live by, whilst we have the chance.
It’s true that you get out of life what you put into it. If you have dreams of becoming a doctor, but are too comfortable to quit your mundane 9-5 office job, then don’t expect to ever achieve those dreams. You have to work hard in order to get what you want. You have to be brave, you have to put yourself out there and you have to step out of your comfort zone – even if the thought of the unknown absolutely terrifies you – in order to accomplish the extraordinary.
What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Seriously, just take a moment to think about it. Would you go back to college, move across the country, or travel the world? If fear wasn’t a part of the equation, we’re convinced a lot of people would be taking different paths to the ones they’re currently taking. You mustn’t let fear stop you from living your life. Be mindful of the fact that the thought of doing something is usually worse than actually doing it, and try to adopt more of a positive mentality. It’s your life; you can do anything you want to do and be whoever you want to be.
This abbreviation may be relatively new, created by the younger generations of today, but it doesn’t mean it’s any less relevant. It ties in with the previous saying, and the fact that you must try to do everything you want to do whilst you’re physically able to do it. Don’t pass off opportunities in life that might not come around again. Grab them and embrace them while you can. You shouldn’t go out for your friend’s birthday because you have a class tomorrow? YOLO. You shouldn’t move all the way across town away from your friends and family just to give it a go with your partner? YOLO. You shouldn’t rent out your house so you can go teach young kids in Africa? YOLO. Take these chances, even if it’s not always the most sensible option, because what’s the worst that could happen?
Perhaps you really want that promotion at work, but your colleague has beaten you to it, or you were adamant you were going to pass your driving test, but you failed miserably. Either way, who cares? As long as you achieve your goal in the long run, then that’s all that matters. Keep yourself motivated, keep trying and keep telling yourself you will do it. Because you will. Failing at things builds character, encourages determination and makes the success taste that much sweeter when you eventually obtain it. Sometimes the journey counts for so much more than the final destination anyway.
Repeat after us, your career and making money isn’t everything. Sure, you must earn money to live. And having a career can be very rewarding and fulfilling. But, more often than not, the richest people in this world are the unhappiest. And vice versa. It’s the relationships in our lives that make life so much more meaningful. There’s nothing like spending time with the people you love, and who love you back. Love hard, and love like there’s no tomorrow, because you never know what the future holds. Remember to love above all else and look after other human beings. We are all equal, we are all a part of this world and we all matter.
Whatever you decide to do with your life, the most important thing is that you’re happy. Do the things that bring a smile to your face, as well as your loved ones’ faces, and don’t worry about trivial things that don’t matter. Life’s too short. And always remember, you’ve only got one life. So live it.
Congratulations! Perhaps after days, weeks, or even months, of messaging a romantic prospect – you’ve only gone and done it. You’ve got yourself a date! Half the battle may already be over, but what about the other half yet to come? If you’re feeling a little nervous pre-date, which is only natural, the trick is to ensure that you’re the most prepared that you can possibly be. Read on for our tips on how to prepare for a first date.
Decide on a venue.
First of all, be courteous. Ask your date what they’d like to do as your first date. Some people like to do the standard dinner date, and some like an easy and casual drink, but there are those out there – those brave individuals – that like to do something out of the norm. It’s these types of individuals that put the fear of God up us mere mortals. (What do you mean you want to go paintballing? On a first date? But we haven’t even had the chance to speak to each other yet!) Whether your date is traditional, or the more adventurous type, ask them their preference is and then try to come to an agreement. Can’t decide between you? How about one of you takes the lead with the first date and the other takes the lead with the second? (Assuming there is going to be a second date, of course.)
Arrange the finer details beforehand with your date.
As soon as you’ve decided what your first date is going to entail, you need to pick a date and time. This can be a nightmare, as the average working adult is always busy trying to find time to exercise, maintain a house, do life admin and socialise alongside their full-time job. However, if your date likes you as much as they say that they do, then they will make a slot available for you. Also make sure you arrange the nit-picky details before the actual day of the date to avoid unnecessary panic and confusion in the run up to it. Nobody wants to show up at 8pm and their date has already left because they thought it was at 7pm.
Shower and groom yourself.
Rule 101: don’t show up to your date in last night’s clothes, smelling of the tuna salad that you had for lunch. (Yum!) It goes without saying, but always wash yourself before you meet someone new who has romantic potential. You don’t want to turn them off before you’ve even had chance to speak to them because of an overwhelming bad stench. Oh and you might want to consider trimming down the monstrous beard that looks like you’ve got a ferret on your face. Or shave your hairy Mary legs if you’re a lady and you’ve got your legs out. Showing up presentable is an important part of first date etiquette.
Wear a killer outfit.
Showing up presentable also involves looking smart in whatever you’re wearing. (Unless you’re going paintballing, because then you’d need to wear practical, comfy clothes – obviously.) You want to wear something that’s going to impress, so think about your choice carefully. Dress for the occasion, but don’t overdo it so much that it looks like you’ve tried too hard. Choose a color that suits you, as well as something that you love to wear and feel good in, and that confidence will shine through.
Calm those pre-date nerves.
We’re not going to lie to you; those pesky pre-date nerves are probably going to strike. And when they strike, sometimes they strike hard. Different people do different things to relax themselves. Some put on their favorite music in the car on the drive over and sing their hearts out, some talk to their friends on the phone as a distraction, and some even decide to grab a stiff drink. Whatever works for you, do it. But try to remember that your date will be feeling just as nervous as you. And nerves are a good sign, as it means you really like each other.
Set off in plenty of time.
There’s nothing worse than getting to the day, and almost the time, of your date for you to set off driving at the last possible minute and hit a traffic jam. Then, before you know it, you’re almost 30 minutes late and have left your poor date waiting and hating on you before you’ve even arrived. You might as well not arrive in these cases! The best thing to do on the day of your date is set off early, just to avoid any potential things that could go wrong. If you arrive at the venue early, then it doesn’t matter. You can simply grab a drink while you’re waiting. It says a lot about you to your date if you’re the first one to arrive and you’re waiting for them. You’ll score some extra bonus points without even realising.
If you follow all of these tips, and prepare yourself for your date in every possible way (mentally, physically and emotionally) then this will minimise those pre-date jitters. And whether you’re slightly nervous, really nervous or hardly nervous at all, the adrenaline will get you through. Try to relax and remember it’s a date, not a job interview. More often than not, they’re enjoyable! You’ve got this.
There are many fun aspects of dating. Dressing up, going for fancy dinners and meeting someone who you have a potential connection with are just a few of them. But dating also has its downsides, such as the awkward silences, having nothing in common with the other person and the sheer expense of it all. Having to spend your hard earned cash on an experience that made you want to tear out your own hair in frustration is not exactly ideal. But what happens if your date didn’t think it went that badly? What happens if they’ve been texting you for weeks, keep asking you for a second date and just downright refuse to leave you alone? Whether you’ve only just met them, or you’ve been dating for a few weeks and you’ve suddenly had a change of heart, here’s how to lay it all on line and tell them you’re just not interested.
1. Physically speak to them.
If you don’t know them that well and you’ve literally been on one date, then it might be okay to say what you have to say in a text. However, if you’ve had a fair few dates and you know them relatively well, then make sure you have this conversation on the phone or – even better – in person. Whatever you do, try not to just “ghost” them. If you haven’t already heard, “ghosting” is a millennial term referring to romantic links disappearing right out of your life. There’s no text, no phone call, no form of communication – your date is there one day and then simply gone the next. “Ghosting” is not a very nice way to treat someone, so it’s always kinder to have a conversation with your date – however hard it may be.
2. Have a valid list of reasons.
So many millennials nowadays are picky when it comes to dating and make up the most trivial excuses not to see someone anymore, which are often circumstantial, such as “they had bad breath” or “they were wearing a ridiculous shirt”. It’s important to give someone a chance first and foremost; however, if there are serious issues involved which severely affect your compatibility, then there’s no shame in putting an end to it sooner rather than later. People are different. And not everybody is going to be right for each other. Just make sure you’re honest and open about your reasons when you’re having the conversation and they will respect you more for it.
3. Let them down as gently as possible.
Sure, be honest and open – but not to the point where you are full-on insulting them. If they want to continue the relationship, and you don’t, then they are naturally going to be hurt when you sit them down and let them know this fact. Try to be mindful of this and say what you want to say in a tactful and careful way.
4. Include positives, as well as negatives.
Even though the essence of the conversation is negative, it would help keep your date’s spirits up and ease the tension between you both if you include some positive talking points. Have you really enjoyed getting to know them, despite the outcome? Tell them. Do you still want them in your life as a friend? Make sure you stress this. If the answer is no to both of these questions, then be as polite as possible and simply walk away.
5. Try to end the conversation on a good note.
If your date doesn’t agree with you and is bitter about the whole situation, it’s highly likely that the conversation is not going to end well. Sometimes, they can seem to take the news well, respond in an uplifting way to your positive comments and the conversation still won’t end on a good note. Often, it’s not personal. They’re just upset. The news is raw. But try your best to leave your ex with only positive vibes before you potentially never see them or talk to them again. It will ease your conscience and also make them feel better about it all.
6. Be respectful of their feelings.
Your ex might never want to see you again – and that’s fine. It’s their decision. If this is the case though, don’t start bombarding them with messages because you selfishly still want them in your life even though you know they are into you and you don’t feel the same. Respect their decisions and you can walk away with your head held high, knowing that you handled the situation as well as you possibly could.
Whether the conversation goes well, or insanely bad, it’s a conversation that needs to happen. And you will feel so relieved once it’s over. Remember to be as kind as you possibly can – no one likes to hear that their feelings aren’t reciprocated – and then move forward with your life. Good luck!
Love. It’s such a powerful four letter word. Often, falling in love doesn’t just happen. There are different stages you go through before you realise you’re in love. Sometimes it happens ever so suddenly, other times it develops gradually over time; but, once it’s there, it’s powerful and all-consuming. And there’s simply no shaking it! Whether you’ve just started dating someone new, or you’re coming to terms with overwhelming feelings for someone already in your life, read on to find out how you know you’re in love.
You just can’t stop thinking about them.
They’re in your thoughts, no matter what you do and no matter how hard you try to fight it. Every TV show you watch, each conversation that you have and everything you come across reminds you of them. You find yourself talking about them all the time – mainly because they are always on your mind. They start to affect your physical state, as well as your mental state, as you struggle to eat or sleep. Friends might be telling you to get it together, but you just can’t help how you’re acting. You’re totally obsessed with them.
The world feels like it’s a brighter place.
Everything seems that little bit better when you’re in love. The sky is bluer and the birds’ singing sounds prettier – you might even find yourself wanting to join in! You’re generally so much happier living your day to day life in a world you might usually find mundane – and that’s because the world now has them in it.
Your loved ones notice a positive change in you.
Not that you weren’t a happy person before, but your happiness has now definitely gone up several notches. So much so, that the people around you notice a significant difference to your behaviour. Perhaps you’re smiling a lot more, or you’re acting more confident, but there’s certainly something more positive about you. And your loved ones, the people who know you best, won’t shy away from telling you that this is the case.
You want to spend every waking moment with them.
When you’re in love, you just want to be around that special person all the live-long day. You can’t help it. They make you feel so good that you crave that amazing feeling when they’re not there – almost like an addiction. You might even go off the radar a bit when it comes to spending time with family and friends. It’s not that you don’t still adore your loved ones, but you’re just so unbelievably content in the other person’s company. Perhaps you don’t realising you’re doing it but, if you’re madly in love, you will prioritise spending time with your special person over seeing loved ones.
You can’t imagine your life without them.
This is the big one. If you can’t imagine not being with them, then you’re 100% head over heels in love. You can always picture a clear future with the person you’re crazy about and simply can’t imagine being with anyone else romantically. There will be no uncertainty involved whatsoever. You will feel so blessed that they have come into your life; however, on the other hand, you might feel extremely terrified that they could disappear. Falling in love is one of the most exciting experiences you can have in this life, but it is also one of the scariest. If you’re certain you’re in it for the long haul then you must have the strong kind of loving feelings.
You’re reading this article…
…And picturing your special person whilst you’re reading it. Deep down, you already know you’re in love – otherwise why would you be questioning it?
Just remember that finding someone you love, and who loves you back, is an incredibly rare and extraordinary thing. Treasure it and enjoy every moment.
Going through a break-up is one of the worst life experiences. Not only does it affect you mentally, but it affects you physically, making you feel lethargic, lose your appetite and struggle sleeping. You tend to overthink everything; where did it all go wrong? Why can’t you both work it out? And how is this even happening? The negative thoughts just seem to keep coming, and sometimes it’s difficult to shut them out, which has a detrimental effect on your mental health. Here are 5 of the most common negative thoughts you tend to have during a break-up and how to deal with them.
1. “I’ve made a mistake.”
It’s completely normal to question the reasons behind your break-up. Whether you’re the one who initiated it all, or simply agreed to it without a choice, both parties will second-guess themselves at least once. After all, how are you supposed to know that this is the best thing for you both in the long run, when you’re still very much in love with them? Even if your feelings have faded in the last however many months, you still care deeply for the other person and are very much in the relationship bubble. It’s so easy to believe that you’ve made a huge mistake; however, give it some time. Time will help you gain true perspective on the situation. If you’re adamant you want to be with the other person after a couple of months, then it might be worth having a conversation with them to see if you can both work it out.
2. “I don’t want to do anything today.”
This negative thought might be due to lack of sleep or motivation from your mental health being so severely jeopardised. Everybody’s allowed a couple of down days initially as you need time to grieve properly for the relationship, especially if it was a relationship that lasted for years. However, if it’s getting to the point where you haven’t left the house in a month, then it’s time to give yourself a little shake. Even if you don’t particularly feel like it, force yourself to get up, dressed and showered one day. Then force yourself to take a short walk by your house the next. Then head to your local corner shop the day after that. Make little steps forward and you’ll be surprised at how much you can achieve in a short amount of time.
3. “This pain is never-ending.”
It’s no secret that break-ups hurt. A lot. For a long time. However, it does get better. It may be a cliché, but time truly is a healer, as well as distractions. By leaning on your support system and spending time with the people who matter the most to you, then this will take your mind off things. Don’t let yourself stop going out and doing activities, even if it’s only exercise. Exercise releases endorphins in your brain that instantly improve your mood. Allow yourself to feel and process the pain, but also distract your mind whenever you can.
4. “I can’t live without them.”
One of the hardest parts of breaking up is the fact that you have to essentially cut the other person out of your life. They go from being your best friend to becoming a stranger. It’s an incredibly challenging transition, but you have to think – it’s only temporary. You will soon adjust to this new way of life – a life without them – but you can always reach out to them later when you’re truly over them if you’re adamant about still being friends.
5. “I will never love again.”
Everybody thinks that they will never get into another relationship again when they’re going through a break-up. Why would you want to, when it could result in you having to go through this heart-break again? Surprisingly, though, the heart heals time and time again. The time will come where you happen to meet someone who you think is amazing and you will be ready to open your heart to another person again. It might seem a long way off at the moment, but you will get there. Have faith.
No matter how badly you’re hurting, it’s important not to lose sight of the bigger picture. This heart-break is only a short-term circumstance. You will get through this. One day you will wake up and it won’t hurt anymore. If you managed to live how many years without your ex before you met them, then you can manage just fine without them post-break-up. Whatever you do, try not to be afraid to love again – because there’s nothing else in this world like it.
First dates can be truly terrifying. What to wear, what to do, how to act – it can all contribute to pre-date jitters so severe that they make you wonder if you even want to go on the date at all. Whether you’ve been messaging your date for weeks and you like them before you’ve even met them, or your friends have set you up on a blind date and you have no idea to expect, here are our first date tips on how to make a great impression that will leave your date wanting more.
Iron out the details beforehand.
Are you going for dinner? Or having an activity-based date? Are you meeting at the bar? Or at the nearest train station? As with most things in life, it’s always better to be prepared. If you’re organized and finalize these little details before the day and time of your date, then it helps eliminate any additional anxiety that you may have in the run up to it. Not only will you know exactly where you’re supposed to be and when, but you’ll also know what to expect. Goodbye, miscommunication and confusion!
Greet them nicely.
Did you know that it only takes eight seconds for someone to make an assumption about you when they first meet you? They can decide almost instantaneously whether they like you, which is why it’s so important to make effort from the get-go. When you’re greeting them, make sure you stand up, shake their hand, kiss them on the cheek and exclaim how amazing it is to meet them. Your politeness won’t go unnoticed.
Make interesting conversation.
There’s a fine line between asking your date insightful questions, and bombarding them like they’re interviewing for a job. Ask questions, but also let them enquire about you. Listen, let the conversation flow, and don’t be afraid of awkward silences. It’s only natural to have these when you’re both nervous. Just use these pauses to think about your next talking point instead. Oh, and try to avoid talking about the weather – unless you’re really stuck!
Be mindful of your manners.
If you’re at dinner, say please and thank you to the server. If you’re a gentleman, pull out your date’s chair so that they can sit down. Sometimes, it’s the little things that matter. Also if you’re at dinner, be mindful of your dining etiquette. Don’t start your meal before your date’s has arrived – and don’t choose anything that might be messy to eat. Tomato soup all around your mouth and down your top? Not very attractive.
Offer to pay.
Regardless of your sex, you should always offer to pay your half of the bill at the end of your date. If your date waves your money away, then that’s their choice – but at least you’ve offered. It says a lot about you – in a good way – if you’re willing to cough up, as opposed to making the assumption that your date will pay, which creates more of a negative impression.
Be direct with your feelings.
Whether you’ve had a wonderful date and want to see them again, or disliked every minute and don’t think you’ll be a good match for the future, always be upfront and honest about your feelings. When you’re saying goodbye, it’s better to tell your date there and then what you’re thinking in regards to them, in order to avoid having to deal with it later on. It’s so easy to agree to another date, even though you didn’t enjoy yourself, just because your date really likes you and has asked to see you again to your face. Always stay true to yourself and your feelings, even if it means you have to let someone down. And if it goes the other way, and you both want another date, then you can end the first one on a high!
There’s no right or wrong way to behave on your first date – the most important thing is that you’re enjoying yourself. If it doesn’t go quite as well as you hope, then don’t sweat it. There’s plenty more fish in the sea! And if the date is everything you wanted it to be and more, then that’s a bonus! Either way, every date is a learning experience in order to better prepare you for the next one. Now go get ‘em, tiger!
It goes without saying that dating can be quite the guessing game, especially if you’re a newbie. Some may argue that the most difficult part of it all is actually finding a date, but then how are you supposed to act on the date, and what do you do afterwards if you want to go on further dates? There are no set rules; however, people tend to struggle in the same type of situations. Here are a few of the most standard FAQ’s to serve as a guide for dating beginners. (You’re welcome!)
FAQ 1: What do I do when I see someone I find really attractive and want to approach them – how do I start a conversation?
A: Let’s say for example that you see someone you like on a train. First of all, take a good look at your surroundings and what is going on around you. Is it pouring with rain outside? Has the train been delayed? Identify a current topic and make a casual comment to them, such as “wow it’s raining really hard right now”. Another approach is to ask them a direct question about something they will know, such as “do you have the time please?” Then, when they have given you the information or responded to your casual comment, ask them a direct question about themselves. This could be anything from where they’re travelling to today; to did they catch the baseball game on TV last night. If you make the effort then the conversation will soon start to flow.
FAQ 2: How can I tell if someone I have a crush on likes me back?
A: You can always tell if someone likes you romantically. It’s in the things they do and say. If your crush is overly flirty, and teasing you a lot (maybe even insulting you), then they like you. They will also find subtle ways to tell you in their body language, including touching your arm, leaning towards you when you speak, and making eye contact! Sometimes they might just straight-up tell you that they like you as well, which is ideal, because it saves you from wondering! Actions also speak louder than words. If they’re finding ways to talk to you and be around you, and are doing kind things for you, then they so obviously like you!
FAQ 3: Where should you go with someone on a first date (in terms or venue or setting)?
A: Always suggest a public place for your first date, whether you’ve met them in person or not. Public settings are not only safer, but they are often buzzing which makes the whole experience more exciting! A lot of people like to do dinner on the first date; however, meeting up for drinks is much more casual and less pressured. You don’t want to be that person who gets food stuck in their teeth whilst you’re figuring out your date and simultaneously trying to look good! A mid-market cocktail bar makes for the perfect venue, as you can dress up or dress down for this type of occasion.
FAQ 4: If I’m on a date with someone, how do I know if and when I should kiss them?
A: As covered in FAQ 2, you’ll be able to tell whether they like you. If they’re being extra touchy feely, then they probably want you to kiss them. The biggest sign of whether they want you to kiss them is when you’re saying goodbye at the end of your date. If they are lingering, muttering, and generally not making much sense – then it’s likely that they’re nervous in the anticipation of a kiss. Always go in for the hug first, just in case you misread the signs, and then as you’re pulling away – look at them. If they’re looking back at you, the kiss will just happen as you automatically both lean forward. You can often just feel the chemistry when you’re about to kiss – it’s the anticipation on both sides – and you won’t be able to miss it!
FAQ 5: How long should I wait before I text them after a date if I want to see them again?
A: If they haven’t text you since the date, wait a little while to give them the opportunity to do so. However, if it’s been a few days and looking unlikely, then there’s no shame in texting them first. Just a casual “I had fun the other night, we should do it again sometime” will suffice. Be direct, otherwise you might run the risk of never seeing them again, but don’t bombard them with texts. If they really like you, then you won’t have to do much second guessing; they will make it extremely obvious that they want to see you again by arranging a second date.
Good luck, dating newbies! You’ll be pro’s before you know it!
The age old saying is true: life is what you make it. You might still be young, making those all-important life-changing decisions, such which university to choose or what job to go for. Or, you might be older, settled down with a partner and in the midst of a successful career. Either way, life’s too short. Here are some general tips on how to make the most out of your life while you’re still on this planet.
Always prioritise the people that mean the most to you. Family is everything. Friends are important too, of course, but friends come and go. Unfortunately, people disappoint you. Friends who you may be close with all through school, for example, can end up disappearing. But the good news is that new friends always take their place. Only surround yourself with people who love you. There’s no point investing time and positive energy into people who don’t return the kindness. It might mean that you have to cut people off, which is difficult in the short-term, but works out best for you in the long run. In general, love like you’ve never been hurt and you won’t go far wrong.
Choose an enjoyable career.
So many people end up working in the same jobs that they hate for years and years, just because they’re too afraid to do anything about it. Don’t be fearful. Take chances. You spend the majority of the time that makes up your week at work; therefore it needs to be a job that you enjoy doing. Think about it this way: if you won the lottery, and didn’t need to work to make a living, what would you do? How would you spend your time? The first thing that pops into your head is often the thing that you should be doing for a career.
There is so much of this world to explore; don’t fall into the habit of staying where you are all the time, just because it’s comfortable. Get out there. Explore. Live. Different countries and cultures are fascinating – and travelling is great for personal development. It also makes you more appreciative of everything you’ve got back home and more grateful for your life.
Look after yourself.
You don’t have anything in this life if you don’t have your health. Take the necessary steps to look after yourself, and the rest will follow. Self-care is extremely important. If you’re feeling unwell, rest. If something is bothering you, talk to a family member. No matter what the issue, there will always be people and resources on hand to help you. We’re all in this together. You also have to do what’s right for you and look out for number one. Sure, be mindful of other people’s feelings and don’t step on any toes, but remember that you live with yourself 24/7 and you’ve got to be happy.
Don’t hold back.
Make sure you do everything that you want to do in life. The best way to ensure this is to make a bucket list, and tick things off as you go along. Don’t make excuses for not being able to do what you want to do. You can always do what you want, if you work hard enough. And don’t sacrifice the things you want for the sake of someone else. This is particularly common in relationships when it comes to the big stuff like marriage and kids. It’s the classic tale: you want kids but they don’t. In this instance, even though it’s difficult, you should always put yourself and your needs first. If you don’t, the issue will keep resurfacing and you’ll find it hard to let it go. Don’t keep saying “I’ll do it tomorrow”, because you never know if tomorrow might not come.
Whatever you choose to do in your life, just make sure you live every day like it might be your last. If you do this, then you will make the most of each moment and every opportunity. And that’s what it’s all about!
It’s very common to have arguments with your other half. Things can’t be just peachy all of the time. Life’s not perfect, which means love certainly isn’t perfect either. So, you’re here because you’ve had a big bust up. It’s likely you’ve overreacted, you’ve both lost your temper and you’ve ended up shouting at each other. You may have even called each other some choice words. It happens. But, how do you get your relationship back on track before it’s too late? Here’s how to resolve an argument with your partner.
Don’t let it escalate any further.
When we become angry as human beings, we become irrational. We can’t always control what we say or what we do, as it feels like the devil is on our shoulder, whispering in our ear. Before you get so angry that you start to say or do unkind things, try and stop yourself. Cut communication with your partner and tell them you’ll talk to them later when you’re both feeling much calmer. It’s so tempting to send them a dig in a Whatsapp message, or post to the world on Facebook how you’ve never felt this angry before, but this will only make things worse.
Take some time to cool down.
Having some personal breathing space is important after a big argument with your partner. If you’re living in the same house, go to your parents’ or friend’s house for a time out. If you’re physically apart, ban yourself from messaging them or phoning them for half a day. You need time to reflect on what was said, not just on their part, but on yours too. If the argument was rather monumental, then it’s likely that you will be angry at each other for a significant period of time. You need to get back to your cool, calm and collected self before you can even think about contacting them or being near them again.
Arrange a time to talk when you’re both ready.
As soon as you’ve calmed down properly, and you can think rationally again, contact them to let them know that you’re prepared to talk. Whether you choose to see them face-to-face, talk on the phone or just Whatsapp them, do it at your own pace. Bear in mind that you might be ready for communication before they are and, in this case, you’ll have to accept that they need more space and let them come to you when they’re ready.
Write down what you want to say before you talk.
This isn’t imperative, although it might help you organise your thoughts. If you write down everything you want to cover when you next talk beforehand, you are unlikely to miss anything out. You’ll be as prepared as you can be, in the sense that you’ve thought everything through. You can also keep referring to the piece of paper if you need to, which will prevent you from forgetting any key points.
Talk it all out.
When it comes down to having ‘the talk’, make sure you cover all bases. Calmly explain your point of view, including how they made you feel and how their behaviour provoked you to act the way you did. If you made a mistake, own up to it. Apologise. A lot of people find admitting they were wrong difficult, but your partner will really appreciate your courage and honesty. If you’re desperately craving an apology for a mistake they made, then make it clear to them that it’s going to take an apology to enable you both move forward. You need to come to some kind agreement of how you can both learn and grow from the experience, to prevent similar arguments happening again in future, and to help your relationship evolve.
We are all human beings, we have different minds and we disagree sometimes. It’s inevitable, especially in relationships when you’re so totally obsessed with the other person, therefore you overreact and delve deeper into what they say and do. However, it’s all about how we handle these arguments when they happen. And it’s about how we put them right. The want and willingness to make things work has to come from both sides, and if you’ve each got that desire, then you and your relationship will be just fine.
Saving money can be such a challenge, especially when there are so many things we need to pay for on a daily basis. It’s important to remember that, even though we need money in order to live, money isn’t everything. It’s much more important to be healthy and happy. However, money often contributes to our happiness as it equals security. When we fancy a weekend getaway after a stressful week at work, we need money to be able to go. If it’s imperative we get a new laptop for work or our studies, we need money to be able to buy it. If our clothes are falling apart after years of wear and tear – you guessed it – we need money so we can purchase new ones. But, what do you do when you’re working extremely hard to earn your monthly income, and it’s a decent income, but it all seems to be disappearing so quickly? Here are 5 of our best money saving tips to help you get back on the right track.
If you haven’t already, start an Excel spreadsheet where you list all your outgoing bills per month. Work out your total income, after tax, and then deduct all your expenses. This is how much disposable income you have to play with every month, and it’s imperative that you never go over this amount before your next pay cheque. You’re free to spend 90% of it, just make sure you leave 10% as leeway in case of emergencies.
Once you have a good idea of your monthly expenses and how much income is disposable, then you can work out how much you can put aside each month for saving purposes. Whether you’re saving for a specific reason, like a new house, or you want some kind of safety net just in case you ever lose your job – it is smart to save. If you don’t have much disposable income left after your expenses, then don’t feel pressured to save a big amount. It could be as little as $50; basically, it’s just anything you can afford to spare. It soon adds up – for example, that $50 turns into $600 after just one year of saving.
Once you know how much you’re saving every month, open a separate account with your bank where you can keep all this money in one place. This could be an ISA, or even an e-ISA – which can only be managed online. If you separate your savings from your current account, which contains your disposable income, then you will be less tempted to touch it for that new phone you’ve been thinking of getting or that new pair of shoes.
After tracking your expenditure for a couple of months, and putting a set amount of money in your savings account, you can start to track where you’re going wrong spending-wise. Have a look at your disposable income expenditure and identify the key trends as to where you’re spending the most. Is it on clothes? DVD’s? Nights out on the town? Try to cut down your shopping, or drinking, time – or allow yourself a certain budget per month which you are permitted to spend on your vices.
If you are one of these big-spender types, and you’ve identified where you’re going wrong, then the trick is to spend less by shopping around for bargains. If you really want or need that MacBook, then don’t just buy the first one you see. Spend time looking around the shops, as well as online, to get the best deals. Once you’ve done all the research, you can make a well-informed decision and allow the money you’ve budgeted per month for your vices to stretch even further.
Saving money is a lot easier said than done, especially when the cost of living seems to be increasing. However, if you incorporate one, some, or all of these tips to help you with your everyday finances – then you may just find that you’re left with a bit of extra cash in your pocket!