Theodore

Author Archives: Theodore

Theodore created PracticalPsychology in his mother's basement after quitting university at age 19. From there, a dream was born to change lives by helping people understand how their brain works. By applying practical psychological principles to our lives, we can get a jumpstart on the path of self-improvement. 1,500,000 Youtube subscribers later, and that dream continues strong!

Vulnerability in Dating Relationships

One major issue in relationships nowadays (and not only) is the fear of being vulnerable. We think that, if we show our weaknesses, other people might like us less, might look down on us, and they might even hurt us, making us feeling miserable. Therefore, we tend to rise walls between ourselves and everyone else, wear all kinds of masks to appear big and strong (how many of you, when asked “How are you?”, really tell the truth? The typical answer, “I’m fine, thank you”, comes out in a reflex before we even have a chance to think if we really are fine or there is something we’re actually struggling with). Everybody is trying to show their best side, the best aspects of their lives and personality, and it takes a great deal of time and effort to really know someone with the good, the bad and the ugly in their lives.

 

The key to having authentic relationships is to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

Being vulnerable here is not a synonym with weakness, on the contrary — it implies having the courage to be yourself — even if this means being silly sometimes, or doing stupid things. The imperfections are what make each person unique, and trying to appear perfect will only put a huge weight on our shoulders. It’s pretty tiring to have to act to the standard of your mask all the time, to always act smart, cool, calm and collected, even if deep down we may be scared or uninformed or maybe just plain tired. Many people believe that if they appear strong, smart and perfect, people will admire them and will want to be around them. In reality, this mask has just the opposite effect: people can feel inauthenticity in other people and will stay away from it.

People who can recognize their mistakes, who don’t beat around the bush when they have something to say, are proven to have a higher level of well-being and also better relationships. That’s because being imperfect and down-to-earth is appealing and comfortable for people, as it gives them permission and space to be the same.

 

Being vulnerable is highly attractive, because authenticity lets people know your true self and know exactly “who they’re dealing with”. Vulnerability is openness to experiences, people and uncertainty. It’s terrifying at times, as it can sometimes get us hurt – that’s why it takes a great amount of strength, courage, self-confidence and a strong character to show it. If you wonder if it’s worth taking the risk, of course it does — because even when you get rejected, that’s the best sign that you don’t need that person in your life. Why would you live an inauthentic life trying to please people who wouldn’t even like you otherwise? Wouldn’t it be better for everyone to just be the real you and make strong connections with people who will like you for who you truly are? If you can show your weaknesses to your partner and they love you still, that’s true love. If you only show them your polished side, afraid they’ll leave you if you show them any bad side, then you’re in a bit of trouble, as you will always wonder: “What would happen if they got to know the real, the complete you?”

 

Consequently, being open and vulnerable is the best way to go towards having a strong relationship, that’s based on mutual trust and love. One must accept that they, just like everyone else, have good and bad sides, good and bad days, and good and bad moods. There’s no point in trying to appear happy and sunny all the time (when the reality of life shows both sunny and cloudy days, and even thunderstorms from time to time). The best way to live fully is to accept our shadow, make it our friend and let it strengthen our relationships. Without vulnerability, connections with people tend to feel colder and struggle. Being vulnerable, showing our affection, fears and even sharing some secrets, means that we also trust the other person a lot — and will often be returned with understanding and a mutual sharing of personal experiences. This is what drives people close, it helps build trust and a sense of belonging. Knowing that someone is still our friend/lover, even when they know our weaknesses is one of life’s most fulfilling experiences, as it gives a sense of security we will never achieve in any shallow relationship.

 

Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable makes us better friends/partners

Exposing our true authentic puts us at risk of being judged, criticized or even rejected. But knowing the fears that come with vulnerability, we can have a lot more empathic attitude towards the people who come and open up to us. Knowing how it feels, we will not be tempted to bully or make fun of their feelings or concerns. We will be able to give comfort and some wise words when needed, because we will appreciate the courage it took that person to come up to you and share their most intimate thoughts with us. It’s the safest place where you we be with someone, knowing that we can be afraid with them and they can be afraid with us — and that’s okay.

These being said, we should never be afraid to openly communicate our feelings, especially with our partner. This will only help our relationships grow stronger and will increase the connection between us. Often times, opening a “touchy” subject like one’s frustrations can be more difficult to address than just keeping the peace, but while keeping frustrations will only cause harm over time, whereas talking about them can help “clear the air” and can also lead to a greater deal of intimacy and the will to find solutions that can fit both partners, in a way that frustrations are avoided as much as possible. Vulnerability takes a lot of courage, but on the long run it’s highly rewarded and will only lead to more opening, more intimacy and more quality in all our relationships.

What is Sexiness?

There are many things regarded as “sexy” and opinions are often contradictory from person to person, from culture to culture and even from a time in history to another: some say curvy women are sexy, some say super-skinny women are sexier. Some women think a shaved man is sexy, other women prefer a big beard; mass-media and fashion industry changes the sexiness meter from one season to another, and in the end it’s all very subjective. But what is sexiness that goes beyond physical appearance? What is the force that drives us mad about one person that we maybe just met, and who is clearly not the most beautiful creature in the universe? There are a few aspects that are sexy — regardless of age, fashion and looks:

  1. Confidence in one’s personal capabilities

This is probably the biggest thing that makes someone sexy. Being self-confident is one thing, but being self-confident because you have every reason to be — now that’s sexy. When you have achievements (no matter how big or small) that you can be proud of, and you can still be down-to-earth and friendly, that’s the most appealing and sexy thing in a person. Self-confidence means you are good just as you are, and you feel complete and independent. Being independent, having faith in your abilities and believing in yourself, makes you feel powerful and capable of achieving any goals, overcoming any obstacles. And power is sexy, because power gives a sense of comfort and protection, we feel safe when we’re around powerful people. Sexy people, while understanding that the world doesn’t revolve around them, contribute at its movement.

At the opposite pole of confidence is neediness — and all the insecurities that come with an unfulfilled life, where nothing out there is ever good enough (which is, in fact, a frustration over one’s failures, projected onto the world). Wonder why “taken” men and women are so attractive? It’s because they already have what they need — they feel secure, so they don’t go desperately searching for a partner, they just do their thing, and they do it gracefully.  I have a very fat friend (on the verge of obesity) who not ashamed of her body at all, in fact she loves it so much, I was surprised one day when we went to a swimming pool: she didn’t have any problem walking around in a swimsuit, didn’t need to constantly cover it with a towel. She was walking around like she owned the place — and that not only made many men turn heads in admiration, but some even approached her to ask her for a date.

  1. Being passionate about something

Passion is the root of love and life. Without passion everything fades, and the best people are the ones who are so passionate about something that they make you feel the chills when they tell you about it (even if you don’t understand a thing). I know someone who is so passionate about rockets and space exploration, that even though he’s not a scientist or anything, he knows everything that has ever happened in the history of rocket science and space discoveries. He always knows the latest news and he can explain things in such a way that’s so sexy, I could listen to him for a whole week without getting bored. Passion can have a very positive impact in one’s life, as it creates happiness, it gives one a reason to enjoy waking up in the morning, and it can help regulate moods and take the mind off problems in life (even if it’s for just a while). It’s sexy because it shows you have stamina to invest in things you like, and you’re not driven just by inertia in your own life.

  1. Looking not at people, but into people

There’s something mystical about those people who seem to look inside your soul when you’re talking to them. It’s as if they have a deeper understanding of what you’re saying, and are not judging you by the outer appearance, but simply look at you with openness and a genuine desire to know more about you. Having the ability to look at a person in such a way is sexy because it’s a kind of attention people rarely give to other people. It shows genuine interest in the real person in front of them, which is very flattering and attractive.

  1. Being a good listener

As you wander through life, and meet many kinds of people and have many conversations with them, you might see that most of them don’t really listen in order to understand — they listen waiting for the opportunity to respond. Somehow everybody thinks that what they have to say is more important than what the other has to say, and just wants to prove a point without actually listening the other point of view. On the other side there are the people who listen because they really want to hear. And want to make sure they understand what we’re saying before reaching to a conclusion. Wonder why we tend to fall in love with our psychotherapists? It’s because they know how to listen, and they show compassion and understanding. It doesn’t matter if they’re 70 years old and can barely stand on their feet. There’s something about being listened to and validated, that’s sexy, just because it’s so incredibly rare.

  1. Being yourself

Nick Rea, 26, a male model at NYMM, said: “Sexiness is essentially the truth” — you can’t be sexy when trying to seem someone else, and trying to look cooler than you are will not make you sexier — you will just look desperate instead. Being yourself is sexy because there is only one you in the world. Being genuine with what you like and what you don’t, expressing your opinions and preferences openly but assertively, only shows you are not ashamed with any part of yourself, that you accept and love yourself just as you are.

All these factors show that sexiness, rather than being defined by a set of shapes (that you may or may not have naturally), is something that comes from within. It’s an attitude that comes from a place of self-love and acceptance, and it’s about being the kind of person that anybody would want to have around.

How to Improve your Self-Esteem

The self-esteem is someone’s confidence in their capabilities, and knowledge of their worth. It’s made of feelings, thoughts and concepts we have about ourselves. It’s made of the things that our inner voice tells us every day. And because these things change over time, naturally, our self-esteem fluctuates over time too. And it can usually be affected by many things, like other people’s attitude towards us, things that happen in our lives, things we’re told. For example, harsh criticism is known to lower one’s self-esteem drastically, while praise and appreciation tend to raise it. Bullying is known to destroy one’s self-esteem so much, that some people even get to commit suicide, while a big successes can raise it so much until the person becomes narcissistic and is hurting the people around. So here are some things everyone can do to raise (and regulate) their self esteem:

 

Know your abilities and train them

The best way to raise your self esteem is doing something that you can be proud of. Becoming proficient in your job, learning new things, training and perfecting your skills and knowledge — these are things that no one can take away from you, ever — and are things that will raise your value in your own eyes. Also, learn to make your competencies work in your favor: if you’re good at chess, find a contest and train for it. If you love doing nails, enroll in a professional course and use this as an extra (or even primary) income source. Taking action, doing the things you love, especially doing “the right thing” according to your own moral system, will raise your inner strength and voice, overcoming the voices of others who might (or might not) be judging you.

Watch your thoughts

Our self-esteem is highly influenced by the things we say ourselves on a daily basis. When you constantly repeat yourself: “Gosh, I’m so stupid!” in every minor situation, eventually you are going to believe yourself, and this will only make you less productive and less efficient in all fields, which will feed your thoughts: “Of course I failed, I’m SO stupid” and it’s just a downward spiral from there on. Try to observe how many times in a day you have such destructive thoughts and try to replace them with “I may have failed at this task, but let’s see what can I do to improve further on” or “this failure taught me a valuable lesson that will help me not fail in the future”. Understand that you are always changing, and all life’s lessons are opportunities to evolve.

Avoid falling in the comparison trap

It’s okay to search the internet (or magazines, or other places) for inspiration, but always-always remember that everyone shows only their best out there — their best pictures, best work, best outfits, best moments in life — and you never see anyone’s failures, bad hair days or how they struggle with various issues in their own lives,  just as you never show your bad aspects either. So, looking at a world that looks perfect, while well knowing your imperfections, will make you think everyone is better than you — which is obviously, not true. Everyone has their ups and downs, and the idea that anyone’s life is all rainbows and sugar is a lie. Whenever you feel tempted to think you’re worse than someone, remember that they are human just like you, who live a little human life just like yours, in this big world of experiences. Each person has their own path of evolution and if you insist on comparing yourself with something, do it with yourself from the past. Track your own evolution and accept that if people are at different stages at a certain time, that doesn’t mean that one is “better” than the other.

Be your own best friend

When your best friend is going through a rough period, you don’t put them down saying: “of course this happened to you, you were so dumb, what were you thinking? You stupid piece of … you don’t deserve anything in life bla blabla etc” — no. You are showing your support, you tell them everything is going to be fine, that they are great and they will overcome this. You are highlighting their qualities and successes, and so should you do with yourself. Whenever something bad happens, remember all the times when you were successful, when people praised you and when you were proud of yourself. This helps you bounce off quickly and overcome many obstacles in life without losing much of your self esteem. This can also help you raise your self esteem whenever you’re feeling down.

Keep your feet on the ground

Remember that no matter how many accomplishments or failures you may be having in the course of your life, you will still be the same. Outside events, or other people’s opinions, don’t change who you are as a person. The best thing to do is follow your inner set of principles no matter what anyone says. Forget the word “perfectionism” because there is no such thing as achievable perfection. All you have to do is get things done, analyze the situations in your life and see what are the good things that you can draw out of them. Be aware of what lesson lies beyond every failure and learn to see failures as steps towards success.  You are the director and the main actor in your own life, and you decide how the action is going to be — and just like in any other movie, there will be people who will love the movie (or you as an actor), people who will hate and people who will just ignore it. But you will be in your life, with yourself, for your whole life, and you are the only common thing in every experience — therefore how you see yourself matters the most.

Fun and Cute Ways to Ask a Girl Out (without being awkward)

What are some fun and cute ways to ask a girl out?

This is a common question and certainly not an easy one to get an answer for or else you won’t be here reading this, right?

Asking a girl out these days is not as simple as it was a few decades ago when you can just ask for her phone number, try to talk to her, and perhaps see her at her home or go on a date after getting her dad’s A-okay.

There was no need to think of fun and cute ways to ask a girl out back in the day, right?

Things are definitely a lot more complicated now and the last thing you want is to seem like you’re too eager, too out of it, or worse, a creep!

The Real Ways to Ask a Girl Out

So what are fun and cute ways to ask a girl out, you ask?

The truth is; there is no just one answer to this question. There are many variables to consider including:

  • Are you friends or strangers?
  • How long have you known her?
  • How young is she? After all, how a girl of 18 thinks can be very different compared to a woman of 25 or a lady of 33.
  • What are you risking here? Will you see her in person quite a lot (in school or at work) or could this be your only chance to ask her out?
  • Are you looking for fun and cute ways to ask a girl out for a casual date or for a special day such as prom or college ball?
  • And so many other factors.

See how many ways you can mess things even when merely looking for fun and cute ways to ask a girl out? Well, that is true; but it is also true that with so many variables involved, there is a huge chance for success of you finding fun and cute ways to ask a girl out that will definitely work for the specific girl in question.

How can you pull this off?

The first step to finding fun and cute ways to ask a girl out is that you’ll have to understand how she’ll perceive your actions from HER perspective.

Why?

Because what you might think (or have read) as fun and cute ways to ask a girl out may be very different from what a female’s idea of the concept! This is why we’ve taken a psychological approach for this article and not the usual list that you would see from amateur write-ups about fun and cute ways to ask a girl out.

Are you ready to understand what makes some ways to ask a girl out cute and what makes some a flop? Keep reading!

Know that Awkwardness is Okay

Stop trying to pretend to be someone you’re not. Yes, there are many scientifically proven ways that make men more attractive to women and being a bit quirky or awkward is often left out of such lists. Guess what, real life proves that awkward guys are attractive.

But why is this so?

Women have a tendency to find awkwardness and shyness endearing. Being a bit quirky and not smooth like a player advertises that you’re authentic and not playing games; hence, making you more attractive to most women. They can’t help it. They will find your authenticity cute and irresistible.

Applicable tips that are fun and cute ways to ask a girl out:

  • Is she a stranger? Don’t try to plan everything or have a script. Catch her (and yourself) off-guard by simply asking her out. Don’t fret about stuttering or being obviously nervous. Non-rehearsed lines are cute. Period.
  • Do you know her enough to know if she likes getting surprised? Show up with her favorite flowers with a cheesy note asking her out. It doesn’t matter if you look like you’re being read a death sentence while handing her the flowers because what she’ll see is the fact that you’re trying and being cute while at it. That’s another fact – effort is cute!
  • Have you known her for quite a while? Get tickets for a concert, a movie, or an exhibit that she wants to see. Tell her you got them in the hopes she’ll want to go with you. Better yet, ask her to take you with her after handing her the tickets in a joking way. She’ll find it hard to say no.

Be Fine with Displaying Vulnerability

This is an offshoot from the first tip but this works on the psychological level as well; making you more attractive (and very cute) to women.

But why do people think that vulnerability is attractive?

Women find vulnerability attractive for the same reasons that we men find it attractive – it signals honesty and authenticity!

Letting her know that you’re well aware that she can reject you and yet you tried to ask her out anyway shows that you’re emotionally mature, can handle possible rejection well (making you braver in her eyes), and emotionally available for her.

Applicable tips that are fun and cute ways to ask a girl out:

  • Send her a note saying something like “I know you’ve already probably have heard a lot of guys say that they want to go on a date with you, but I want to spend time with you because I’m hoping we can get to know each other better. Please say yes {insert smiley face to lighten up the note}”.
  • Not a fan of notes? Say the above in person!

Show Her That You’re Thinking About Her

Show her that you’ve taken time and consideration to find out what she likes or at least tried to find something unique about her. Use that knowledge to research some fun and cute ways to ask a girl out that you think will work for her. You’ll really have to do your homework here but it will be worth it!

Applicable tips that are fun and cute ways to ask a girl out:

  • You can still use this as one of the fun and cute ways to ask a girl out even when asking out a girl who’s a virtual stranger. Ask yourself: Does it seem like she’s heading somewhere or just chilling? If she seems busy, you may still approach and say something like, “I’ve noticed you’re preoccupied but I would really want to invite you for coffee/quick lunch/grab a bite when you have some time. Would that be okay with you?” Something as neutral as that can brighten up her day and make her think your ‘moves’ are cute.
  • If the girl is someone you’re already quite chummy with, then inviting her to do something she likes (or volunteering to go with her) is definitely under the dating approaches that belongs to the fun and cute ways to ask a girl out. This isn’t a friendzone move if you clearly let her know that you want to spend time with her and know her better as a person.

Be Confident But Avoid Being a Jerk

Women find confidence attractive and that is a fact. However, you should note that acting like a playa or you’re God’s gift to women is a display of insecurity. Rather, find a way to show that you have healthy self-esteem by simply being you.

Yes, the above sounds like a cliché that shouldn’t belong to the fun and cute ways to ask a girl out in most men’s books but the best way to show confidence is really just by being yourself. Make sure that you don’t seem too pushy or seem that you’re expecting her to just say yes as though you’re entitled to her time. It would be best to keep your approach a bit low profile so that she can have the option to say no without embarrassing you or seeming like she’s a heartless heartbreaker.

Applicable tips that are fun and cute ways to ask a girl out:

  • If you’re going for a “will you go out with me” banner, avoid recruiting an entire neighborhood to hold it up for you because you chose to make it too big. A small one held by you will have just as much impact while having the benefit of being extra cute.

Use Food!

Hey, this is not a joke! One of the fastest ways to a girl’s heart or at least one of the fun and cute ways to ask a girl out is through food.

Applicable tips that are fun and cute ways to ask a girl out:

  • Send her cookies or a small cake with a note asking her to go on a date with you.
  • Tell her you got a reservation in a restaurant she likes (will require some sleuthing skills) and that you could go together if she wants to.
  • Cook for her! Plus points if you manage to find out what’s her favorite dish and make that for her. Not sure how to do this? Tell her you’ve been trying this new dish and would like to know what she thinks of your cooking. If she responds positively tell her you were learning it for her (will best work if you’ve known each other a while so you don’t seem like a creep).

The psychological approaches we shared here about formulating fun and cute ways to ask a girl out isn’t exhaustive. As mentioned earlier, her perception of what is cute and her personality will play a huge role in what fun and cute ways to ask a girl out will specifically work for her.

Know that the psychology of attraction is a complex process. That’s why dating isn’t linear!

Dating Tips for Men You Need To Know – 11 Attractive Tips

Dating in the world of new technology may look simple enough, but the classic questions and insecurities still stand. Things like who should pay or where to meet still haunt men even in the age of Tinder.

The man still bears a lot of responsibility in the dating game since, traditionally, he is the one expected to pay the bill, choose the location, or even ask the woman out. However, there is a second layer of uncertainty in today’s world because you don’t know if your date agrees with these so-called traditions.

So how can you make sure your dating strategy is a winning one? This guide on dating tips for men you need to know is here just for this. By following my advice, you will come forth as a confident man who feels good with who he is and enjoys the presence of a lovely lady.

1) It’s Still Fashionable to Be Your True Self

Phrases like “Of course that car is mine (imagine rented sports car, latest model)!” or “I would love to go shopping with you!” don’t fly for too long.

Let’s face it – no one is who they are on a first date. We all dress nicer than usual and behave better, eat healthier, and drink less. However, it’s important to show your date a version close to reality.

Men like to impress but this doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything she says or talk about the supercars you don’t have. When the veil falls, she will be disappointed and the magic will be gone forever.

So my first advice on the list of dating tips for men you need to know is be yourself and hope for the best! If she doesn’t like who you are, it’s best to know from the first date.

Dating Tips For Men You Need To Know – Confidence is Key

Confidence (not cockiness) is the best way to impress a woman. But make sure to show confidence while being yourself, because otherwise you would be just posing.

I discovered the confidence is highly connected with competence, so choose a discussion topic with which you are familiar. Talk about your hobbies or books/movies you like. Stir the conversation towards things you know and are passionate about and this will give you the confidence boost you need.

Let me tell you a small secret: women value a confident man, who feels good in his own skin, so if you’re a bit shy about your looks, don’t let her know. If you charm her with your charisma, she won’t even think about your abs.

2) Don’t Ask Her Out via Tex or Email

If you’re not 16 you shouldn’t be using the tools a 16-year old would use! Women appreciate confidence (as mentioned above), but they also like to feel valued. So, if you ask her out with a text or email it shows you don’t really care.

If you’ve been talking online and she gave you her phone number, call and ask her out for a date. It will give you a chance to see how she is in real-life and it will show you are confident enough to call and be personal about this.

One of the most important dating tips for men you need to know: a phone call only takes a few minutes but it’s enough to know if you really want to go out on a date with the person. If nothing else comes out of this, at least you will save yourself from the experience of a horrible date.

3) Don’t do All the Talking

Maybe you’re nervous or you want to make sure she knows how great of a guy you really are, but you shouldn’t be the one that’s doing all the talking. The date should have a balanced conversation, where you both get to share your stories and enjoy each other’s presence.

If the discussion hits a wall, it’s best to have a few neutral topics prepared. Ask her about favorite activities, her childhood, or her job – this should get things going smoothly.

4) Don’t Rush in the Online

Online dating is a huge thing these days and, if you meet someone like this, you shouldn’t push for an in-person meet too soon.  Get to know the person by talking on the phone or via Skype – this way, when you do go out on a date, there won’t be any surprises (on any side).

5) First Impression is Important

I know I started this list of dating tips for men you need to know with ‘be yourself’, but there’s an addition to this: be yourself while looking your best. No, you don’t have to go shopping for expensive clothes and you don’t need to rent a fancy car. Just make sure you get a haircut (or style your hair), don’t wear your famous ripped jeans and t-shirt, take a shower before the date and use some cologne.

Women pay attention to this type of details and it shows you care enough to do some grooming. She doesn’t need to see the caveman from the first date!

6) Old-School Still Works

One of the most ignored dating tips for men you need to know is that old-school gestures are still charming. So, without being too ceremonious open the door for her, hold the seat out, or get her coat. It doesn’t mean she can’t do all these by herself, it shows you appreciate her and you are a gentleman.

The secret is to naturally integrate these charming small gestures in your behavior. So, if you’re not used to doing them, do some practice before the date.

7) Forget About your Phone

There’s nothing more annoying than going out with someone that’s glued to their phone. If you’re on the phone all the time (talking or chatting) it doesn’t show you’re a busy man; it shows you don’t give a damn about the person right in front of you.

So, put the phone away, and if you can’t completely turn it off, mention that your date may get interrupted because you’re expecting a very important call. Apologize in advance and try to focus your attention on your date.

Of course, if she is the one on the phone, feel free to say something about this. If she still insists on using the phone during your date without a very good reason, you can just get up and leave.

8) Keep it Fun and Flirty

No one wants to get on a first date and discuss politics or work! So keep the conversation light and try to make her laugh with cute jokes and funny topics. If you like each other, you’ll have plenty of time to discuss serious things at a later stage in your relationship.

On the list of dating tips for men you need to know is that most women find an analytical conversation quite boring regardless of the interesting facts you may share. So, add flirtatious overtones and keep things interesting with intrigue and humor. If you’re not comfortable with creating such a conversation, ask for help from one of your female friends. After all, good conversation is an art that requires practice.

9) Make It Memorable

Do you like the idea of sitting at a table for two hours, awkwardly waiting for the food and sipping wine/water just to pass the time? She doesn’t either!

So why not make things more interesting? Instead of going to a fancy restaurant, do something fun together like bowling, going to a movie, hiking, enjoying a karaoke night, and so on. There are plenty of activities you can enjoy together and the dating process gets a lot smoother.

Now she won’t be thinking of you as the guy who took her to a boring date; you will be the fun guy who knows how to enjoy life.

10) The Matter of the Bill

I included this on the list of dating tips for men you need to know because it’s one of the questions I received the most from men.

The matter of the bill is a delicate issue and should be treated with finesse. First, it’s elegant and gentleman-like to offer to pay. Most women will appreciate your gesture but still decline your offer looking to pay for their share of the bill.

In this case, if you want to get a second date, you can insist on you treating this time but suggest she could get the bill on your next date. It’s a subtle way to check on her opinion of you, ask for a second date, and still be the gentleman. If she wants a second date, she will agree. If not, you’ll split the bill and see where things go from there. Don’t be too stubborn about this!

11) Just Have Fun!

This is the final advice on my dating tips for men you need to know. Dating can be nerve-wracking, but only if you let it. Be yourself, find ways to make the date entertaining, and show her how cool you can be by enjoying the experience. If things don’t go any further, at least you had fun!

Flirty Questions to Ask a Girl You Like: Interesting Ways to Learn More about Her

Regardless of what you heard, the truth is, flirting is an art. And, just like any art, it can be mastered and improved upon.

Of course, it helps to have natural charisma, but we’re not all blessed that way. So yes, there are ways to get better at flirting, techniques you can learn, and moves to master. But, the art of flirting is based on creativity and wits, and it only works best when two people are fully engaged.

My list of flirty questions to ask a girl you like is perfect to get you started in the game. Each of the questions on the list represents a cute, innocent way to get to know the girl you like. Even more, it will give you an opportunity to show how smart and funny you are, and it will open new topics for communication.

I divided the list of flirty questions to ask a girl you like in several categories, so make sure to choose the right one. If not, you run the risk of asking a question that’s too bold, too early in the relationship. This can easily ruin your game and put an end to what could’ve been a beautiful relationship.

Flirty Questions to Ask a Girl You Like Before the First Date

If you met online or you got her phone number but didn’t get the chance to ask her on a date, you have a bit of time to “put your charms on her”. You probably talk via text messages/chat so it’s important to show you are an interesting and funny guy.

You do this by keeping the conversation going, and there will be plenty of moments to sneak in some flirty question in the discussion. Here are some that usually work wonders:

What’s that like?” or “What was that like?

On itself, the question doesn’t look too flirty or even interesting, but let’s dissect it for a bit. First, it can be addressed in any situation, at any convenient time because it’s not too bold and it makes the girl feel desired and cared for. It’s also a way to keep the conversation going smoothly and it gives you a chance to get the girl talking about something she enjoys.

If you don’t think it’s such a big deal, you should know that great interviewers use it extremely often. While it may look simple and plain, this question shows you care, you pay attention to the girl you are engaged in conversation with, and you are interested in her.

Now, when to actually introduce this question in the conversation? For instance, she mentions “I work for a big IT company”, your answer could be “Interesting; what’s that like?”. It’s enough to get her going about how she feels about her work and the conversation moves forward.

If she says “I spent my summer/last vacation in Miami” or “I grew up in North Carolina” or “I just finished reading this book”, in any of these situations, the “What was that like” question will connect with emotions and will get you closer to her heart.

“So, what’s cool about this place?”

One of the questions a guy asks when he first meets a girl at an event or a bar is “Do you come here often?”. While it is legit and it shows your interest in the girl, this question is boring and doesn’t give room for too much conversation.

Still, if you formulate it differently, you get to look interesting and interested at the same time. By asking what’s cool about the place, you learn if she comes there often and what she likes in a place (extremely useful information for an eventual first date).

“Are you single?”

This never shows up on the list of flirty questions to ask a girl you like and it is a direct and blunt question. But it is such a fantastic tool in your flirting arsenal! First, it shows you are interested, you are not afraid to be direct, and you don’t like wasting time. Second, it allows you to be more flirtatious once you get an affirmative answer.

Still, you shouldn’t open with this question. Start by saying hello and build up the conversation until you can ask it – this also gives you room to see if the girl is as interesting as you first thought.

“What’s your ideal date?”

This is the perfect question to ask before actually asking her on a date. You learn about her favorite ways to spend time with a date and you open the door for the big question.

Flirty Questions to Ask a Girl You Like On a Date

First dates can be awkward if you don’t come prepared. So prepare a series of topics that can be used as discussion boosters, but also think about cute questions to ask that will keep the conversation flowing. Here are some easy to remember ideas:

So, what’s your story?

This question comes as a replacement for the classic and a lot more boring “What do you do (for a living)?”. Basically, you’re asking the same question, but in a more unique and whimsical way.

If you want to get more out of her, ask what she’s passionate about. After all, we’re not all passionate about our job or current situation, so this question opens a whole new world of topics for you. It also allows her to share things she loves to do, and puts a positive spin on the date.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

It’s a conversation booster and lets you know if she loves adventure, flirts with danger, or she just likes curling up with a good book from time to time. Of course, the question can bounce back so be prepared with an answer of your own.

What’s your favorite holiday?

The holidays we love tell a lot about ourselves! For instance, a person who loves Halloween and appreciates the idea of a good costume has a rebellious, artistic side and loves parties. On the other hand, someone who loves Christmas is more family-oriented and enjoys the beauty of a romantic evening by the fireplace.

It’s also a way to gather intel on how she likes to spends the holidays. If the relationship goes any further, you can use the information you get now to create the perfect couple holiday for her.

“If you could go anywhere in the world for two weeks, where would you go?”

Everyone likes to travel and we all have that dreamy location we want to cross off our bucket list. So this question is sure to produce a passionate answer that will entertain the conversation for a while. It’s also a way to let you know about her current state. For instance, if her first reply is “partying in Vegas”, then she might be bored with her everyday life.

On the other hand, if she wants to go to India or Tibet, she may be looking for spiritual enrichment. Also, a girl who wants to visit cultural places like Europe or Egypt, may be interested in more such topics.

Flirty Questions to Ask a Girl You Like After the First Dates

Now that you know a bit more about her, you can be bolder with your questions. But still try to keep it light and casual; after all, you don’t want to scare her away. Of course, if she is into heavier topics, feel free to approach those as well.

“What’s your idea of an ideal man?”

After the first date you still want to keep things flirty and playful, but you don’t want to wait too long before taking things on a more serious note (that is, if you like the girl). This question reveals her expectations in a possible partner and lets you know if you actually have a real chance with the girl.

“What’s your best childhood memory?”

A great second date question and a fantastic way to make her think about some of her favorite times of life! It’s also a great way to learn more about her past, her family, and the environment in which she grew up.

 “Where do you like to be kissed the most?”

It is bold and it leads to a more intimate relationship between the two of you. It also shows you have no interest in a platonic relationship (if there was any doubt up to this point) and allows her to reveal something a bit more sexual.

Still, you must make sure it is the right time. For instance, you shouldn’t ask this question immediately after the first or second date. Maybe wait for a third date to go by and then ask it.

In Conclusion

Asking questions is the best way to get to know your date! So, if you know you’re not a spontaneous person, get a list of questions and practice them before going on the date. Also, have answers prepared, in the situation the question returns to you.

Overall, the art of flirting is based on both partners being involved in the exchange, so if her answers are short and without substance, it doesn’t mean you’re bad at flirting. It just means she’s not that into you, and you should move on to someone else.

How to Build Trust in a Relationship – 6 Truths you Need to Follow

What is trust to you and what do you expect from a long-lasting relationship?

Many couples today envision trust in terms of being faithful to one another, but there is so much more to the term than your sexual choices! Trust is the very foundation that supports the happiest relationships, and it is universally appreciated in both time and space.

We learn about trust from our grandfathers, and we see it in different cultures all across the globe. But it’s difficult to really appreciate its depth when you don’t understand what it is. It’s also important to know how to build trust in a relationship, instead of just expecting it to be present.

Every new connection starts with an assumption (and hope) that the partner will be faithful and trustworthy, but if you truly want to get the best out of it, you must learn how to build trust in a relationship. And hopefully, this is why you are here, reading these lines.

To help you out, I put together an in-depth guide that will help you learn about trust, and how to build it with your partner so the relationship can grow into the most amazing adventure of your lifetime.

What a Hell is Trust, Actually?

Your mom thought you that being honest is the best policy, right? Well, according to recent studies we are not that good at keeping this policy in our everyday adult lives. Adults tend to lie in one in five of their everyday interactions, according to this study!

And we don’t just lie to strangers! Still based on the study above, couples tend to lie to each other about a third of a time. Actually, betrayal of trust is one of the reasons why most couples break apart; and it’s not always about cheating.

Trust stands from a disposition towards honesty and a desire to clearly communicate your expectations. Of course, you must also understand and respect your partner’s needs, but first, you need to know them.

When a relationship is just starting, people tend to avoid clear communication, fearing they might push the other person away if they are too honest.

For instance, let’s say you would like your partner to call you every evening. This is what commitment looks to you and you consider these phone calls very important. Still, if you don’t communicate this to your partner, they may fear they’ll look needy and desperate. So, they’ll call you every other day, or only on weekends. The result is that you feel left out and you assume your partner is not that invested in the relationship as you are.

By assuming, you create room for distrust, which builds up in time, until there’s nothing else left.

To summarize, trust starts with honesty and is highly dependent on communicating your needs and expectations in a clear manner. If the person next to you is not prepared to be honest and doesn’t like (or meet) your expectations, they are not the ones to build a relationship based on trust.

How to Build Trust in a Relationship

Regardless of the fact that you are just starting a new relationship or you’re already in one, trust needs work from both partners. It’s also a state that requires maintenance, but the result is so rewarding! People who feel safe and loved in their relationship tend to give everything and there’s nothing to convince them to give it up.

But how do you do it? How do you reach that level of intimacy and trust you see in solid couples?

The process is not that difficult, but it will ask you to be vulnerable at sometimes. Below I listed the main steps that teach you how to build trust in a relationship, so follow them and work on improving your own image of the situation.

#1: Get to Know Yourself

You can’t be honest with another person if you’re not honest with yourself first! So what drives you towards a certain decision? Why do you want to get in a relationship and what do you expect from it?  Why do you have these expectations?

The only way to get to know yourself is by answering these questions without allowing society and family to influence your answers. For instance: do you want to get married because everybody else is settling down, or do you really want to start a family? The honest answer to this question allows you to understand what you’re looking for.

When you know what drives you, you will know what to ask of your relationship and things will fall right into place.

#2: Commit to Relationship Values

The first step towards building trust in a relationship is loyalty. If you or your partner choose to also have a part-time lover, the relationship cannot last.

But it’s not just about physical contact; you must also be loyal at an emotional level. For instance, your partner will feel betrayed if you start being intimate with someone else online. Even if nothing happens physically, you are still cheating at an emotional level.

So, if you enter a new relationship, be honest with your partner. First, define the type of relationship you’re having. Are you just casually dating? Are you friends with benefits? Do you want a committed relationship between two people? All these must be well-understood by both partners and once you agree on a certain set of rules and values, both partners must respect them without looking for loopholes. That’s how to build trust in a relationship!

#3: Honesty is Not Overrated

Do I really have to tell my partner everything? Even if it’s hurtful? This is a question I get from both women and men all the time, and my answer is yes!

Honesty is a one-way street: you’re either honest or you’re not! And avoiding unpleasant topics or critics is not the best way to build trust between two partners.

Being in a loving relationship doesn’t mean that everything will be pink and fuzzy all the time. Negative things will happen, your partner has or will acquire new habits that will drive you mad, but this doesn’t mean you have to avoid expressing your feelings.

The secret is to not be mean about it. Instead of attacking your partner’s flaws, express your feelings in a loving and kind way. Say things like “I feel less attracted to you when you are over-controlling” or “I miss hanging out with you when you work late” or “Honey, I love how you look in pink, but I think this shirt doesn’t compliment your features”. This way, you express your feelings without raising your partner’s defenses.

#4: Give Each Other Space

Partners who trust each other won’t have objections to spending time apart from time to time. It’s actually helpful to go out with your friends one night per week or go on trips alone and have some experiences of your own.

So try to avoid being too clingy and interpreting everything as a desire to hurt your feelings. You both need space to grow and your relationship can only benefit from that. However, this doesn’t mean turning a blind eye to everything!

If something doesn’t feel right, ask your partner about it in an open discussion. If they fail to give a straight answer, you are entitled to get a bit suspicious.

#5: Don’t Take Your Partner For Granted (And Vice-Versa)

It’s easy to let life distract you from important things, and as the relationship advances, you no longer have to worry about impressing your partner. However, it doesn’t mean your relationship is not important!

If you want to be in a relationship, make sure you don’t forget to invest energy in your partner. Organize cute, small surprises from time to time or make special time for each other. The small things matter and will take the relationship to a new level of trust and intimacy!

#6: Be Reliable

Life is a series of positive and negative events, but you only know the people you can count on, when the negatives start showing up. If you stick together through thick and thin, you already have a strong foundation for a wonderful relationship.

But relationships are also tested and you will have to deal with anger, hurt feelings, and arguments from time to time. Make it safe to discuss these issues without putting raising the fear of walking away from the relationship.

When you know your partner will yell at you, but they will still love you at the end of the day, it’s safer to show your true self.

In Conclusion

Trust is a powerful concept but it can only be nurtured when both partners are honest with themselves and each other. Trust is not easy to maintain, especially when things get uncomfortable (and they will), but if you keep an open exchange and truly love your partner, it will take you to new realms of intimacy and happiness.

Rebound Relationships: Are You In One?

Did you know that “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else”? Or at least that’s what my friends liked to say when I got my heart broken for the first time. And I’m sure you heard it too!

However, this very phrase is the perfect definition of rebound relationships. You get your heart broken and you are so eager to put this behind that you jump into the next relationship that comes along. But is this the healthy way to deal with a breakup?

In this article I will talk about rebound relationships in detail and why they are not the healthy choice, but I’ll also give you some pointers to recognize someone on the rebound. After all, you can also be the one falling for a person on the rebound, and it’s important to know how to handle the situation.

What exactly are Rebound Relationships?

The rebound is nothing more but a distraction from the problem at hand: the breakup.

We’ve all been there; breakups hurt and there’s no way around it. But regardless of the situation, when you get out of a relationship in which you invested, the healthy approach is dealing with your feelings. It doesn’t matter if your partner cheated on you or you are the one that ended the relationship, now it’s not the time to jump into a new relationship!

Still, this happens in most of the cases and there are several reasons behind rebound relationships, such as:

  • You’re looking to prove your ex that you’ve moved on and you’re happy without them
  • You want to fill the hole the breakup left in your life
  • You want to avoid thinking about your breakup and look for new things to do
  • You want to make yourself feel better about your current situation

Now, if you take a look at the reasons above, you’ll notice none of them can be at the base of a new healthy relationship. The result is almost always disappointing and you’ll soon find yourself going through a new breakup and hurting someone you might actually have cared about in different circumstances.

The trick with rebound relationships is that the people who do this don’t have the intention of using another person for their own gain. They are hurting and, for the moment, a new relationship sounds like a good thing. This is why it’s difficult to spot someone on the rebound if you don’t know their past.

It’s important to know that rebound relationships create victims on both sides! First, the person who starts a relationship with someone on the rebound feels used, and second, the person on the rebound feels like they can’t be part of a healthy relationship anymore.

How to Recognize Rebound Relationships

Are you starting to freak out right now thinking you are in a relationship with a rebounder? Well, there are a few powerful telltale signs that can give you a straight answer.

#1: Your Partner just came out Of a Relationship

I’m not saying that every person who’s been through a breakup is looking to just hook-up! However, this is a strong indicator and should be a red flag when you start a new relationship.

My recommendation here is to talk about the breakup with your possible new partner in the dating phase. You don’t need to know about the details about their past relationship, but ask about what they did to go over the breakup.

According to studies, over 39% of people who end a meaningful relationship, take some time off to think things through. Usually, it takes about a year (but it can be less) during which they work on improving themselves, trying to understand what went wrong, and basically work through the feelings.

However, if during this talk you notice he or she has negative feelings towards their former partner (a desire to get revenge, shame, or they won’t even talk about it), this can be an indication of someone who still has to do some work.

#2: You Get the Hot/Cold Treatment

Most rebound relationships are a struggle for the rebounder because they fight their feelings for their former partner. So, if your new partner has alternating periods of high and low intensity, be on the lookout. He/she may be projecting their feelings in onto you.

Yes, it’s absolutely normal to be intense at the beginning of a relationship when everything is new and exciting, but if it’s too much, too soon, take it with a grain of salt.

#3: The Ex Shows Up a Lot in your Conversations

Yes, it’s absolutely normal to speak about your exes from time to time, but if you know more about their ex than you know about them, this is a red flag. If he/she talks a lot about their ex, they are thinking about them too, which is a clear sign of a rebounder.

To make things worse, you may get to be compared with their ex, which is definitely not cool. If you feel you only get your new partner’s attention only when they are sad and feeling blue, do a thorough analysis of the situation.

Ironically, another red flag is a complete absence of the ex in your talks. If your partner completely avoids the subject and they always dodge it when you bring it up, there’s still a lot of baggage to process.

#4: Follow the Social Media Signs

Don’t ignore sad or angry statuses on Facebook and be wary about relationship quotes (especially if the ex is still in the list of friends). While I don’t agree with stocking your partner on social media, it’s OK to be a bit more careful with such messages and posts.

You may also notice a high interest in their ex’s social media profiles – if this happens, you’re almost sure in a rebound relationship.

Rebound Relationships: What’s To Do about It?

You got your confirmation! Your current honey muffin is rebounding and they chose you. What’s your next move?

Depending on your feelings for this partner, there are two ways to act: end the relationship or try to find a way to help with the healing process. If you decide on the first, be gentle about it. He/she probably doesn’t know they are on the rebound and it wasn’t their express intent to hurt you.

If you decided on the latter, know that there’s hope for rebound relationships and there are things you can do to improve the situation.

Important note: First, make sure the relationship can be saved and that the rebounder doesn’t have issues with substance abuse (according to studies, breakups activate areas in the brain that are responsible with addiction).

Give Them Time

If you realize your partner is on the rebound, have a heart-to-heart with them. If they don’t want to talk about this particular topic, ask them to listen and lay down your view of the things. Tell them that you can be patient and you understand how difficult it is for them.

Don’t ask them to give you a time interval or to get over their ex – it’s not something you do just by wishing it! It takes time to process the pain of a breakup, but you shouldn’t be their doormat either.

This is the conversation that will give you a sense of where the relationship is going and if you have a chance together.

Don’t have High Expectations

When you first start something up, there’s no need to start planning for your future children and home. Relationships don’t work that way and it takes time to get to know the person next to you. If you keep your expectations low, you will be more open to have some fun and give your partner the time they need to go over the breakup.

So, with a bit of patience and some fun time, rebound relationships can become the real deal.

Don’t Accept Just the Fun Time

A person on the rebound is more likely to give you the hot and cold treatment or they just want to use you for sex. While this can be incredibly fun, if you want more from the relationship, you shouldn’t accept just the fun time.

So, without raising your hopes up, stand your ground and make them work for the fun time. After all, you also deserve intimacy, trust, and connection – things a real relationship can bring.

Do They Want to Move On?

Rebound relationships are a way of telling the world you want to move on. Of course, you can’t do this right after you broke up, but if a time passed and you still have some issues with your ex, a rebound may just be the thing you need.

At the end of the day, rebound relationships are not as reprehensible as society would like us to think. So, if you find yourself in such a situation, make sure you understand it and try to make the best out of it!

Text Messages That Will Make Her Want More: A Comprehensive Guide to Impressing the Ladies

So you mustered the courage to ask her phone number and she gave it to you, now what?

Romantic movies make you think that everything is extremely easy from now on. You just call and ask her on a date, but is it that simple? Not really.

It works to call and be charming, but we’re not all conversational wizards. Luckily, if you can’t swipe her off her feet with a great phone conversation, you still have texting. It’s easier since you can take your time and think about it, and it gives you a chance to use text messages that will make her want more.

But there’s a catch: you have to know how to text her. Texting is an art and it takes a bit of practice, which is why we put together a list of text messages that will make her want more. These will work in specific situations so make sure to scroll through the entire list before you choose the ones you like

Text Messages That Will Make Her Want More before the Date

The time between you first start talking with each other and the actual date can be used to your advantage. You just have to be clever about it and use the tools at your disposal. The texts below work on every social media platform, dating app, or even as a plain old SMS.

Taking the First Steps: Ask About Her Day

You’re still in an awkward stage where she doesn’t know you so there’s no need to start saying how much you’d like to be with her. Start with a “Hey Susan, how was your day? Did you do anything fun?”. This opens the conversation and gives you a chance to keep things going.

For the first few texts keep things casually, let her get used to the idea that you are interested in her day-to-day activities and you want to know more.

Be Positive

You don’t want to bring her down so don’t vent about your horrible day. If she’s telling you about how horrible her day was, try to cheer her up. Make her smile, and let her know you were thinking about her. A message like “Today I saw a cute little squirrel in the park … it made me think of you” can always put a smile on a girl’s face.

If you met in a cute way (she spilled a drink on you or you bumped into each other by mistake), the message could be “Today I saw a clumsy girl spilling her drink and it made me think of you”. This way she knows she’s on your mind.

This is also the stage where your messages can get a bit more flirty. After all, your goal is to date her, not to continue having a relationship over text messages.

Flirt but Keep it Light

Don’t be afraid to do some teasing – it keeps the discussion interesting and it lets the girl know you’re not a suck-up. However, adjust the teasing according to the occasion. You found out she likes Science Fiction movies? You can playfully call her a dork (you’re really a closet dork aren’t you?  ;)).

The idea is to show you are confident and you have what it takes to put a smile on her face.

On the list of text messages that will make her want more you can also include making fun of yourself (please don’t understand that you should deprecate yourself in front of her). For instance, you can confess that you’re also a dork, or you like romantic comedies. It’s something sweet that a macho man wouldn’t like to say out loud.

Time to Ask for That Date

The main purpose of these text messages that will make her want more is to pave the way to asking her out. You know you like her, she is responding to your texts and even initiates conversations, it’s time to ask her out!

The best way to ask someone you’re interested in for a date it’s via a phone call, but you can also do it via text if you feel more comfortable. It’s OK to ask her with a text because you already have a connection.

The idea here is to make the text sound natural. For instance, you already know she likes SF movies so a text that says “Hey, wanna go see X movie with me Friday evening?” should get you the date. Of course, you can ask her out for drinks, a dinner, you can go bowling, and so on.

A final piece of advice: Don’t wait too long to ask her out on a date! It’s cool to establish a relationship via text first, but if things go like this for too long, she will lose interest. The best way to establish a connection is to combine dating and texting.

Text Messages That Will Make Her Want More After the First Date

You went out, had a ton of fun, and maybe decided to have a second date (or not, it’s cool both ways). But this doesn’t mean you can’t text her until next time you see each other. Texting helps keep things interesting regardless of the stage of the relationship. Except now you can be a bit bolder.

First Step after the Date

This is a crucial moment because you don’t want to seem needy and desperate but you also don’t want her to lose interest or forget about you.

If you didn’t walk/drive her home, it’s OK to ask if she got home safely. It may be a bit corny and old-style but it works and it shows you care.

Do you want to know a little secret? Women get nervous about dates as well.

The next day you can send a text saying you had a good time on the date and you hope you can see each other again soon (in the case you didn’t establish a second date already). This shows you are interested in moving forward and it’s also a confirmation that you had a good time.

You can also mention a fun moment that happened during the date. It’s a great way to remind her she had a really good time with you. I know she already knows it, but the text will make her smile and think of you.

Keep Her on her Toes

With the mention that you shouldn’t overdo it, texting can be a nice way to maintain the memory of your first date alive in her head. It also shows you are a good communicator and like to include her in your life.

Continue asking about her day but slip in a few compliments and let her know you can’t wait to see her again. Texts like “Hey beautiful, how was your morning?” or if she asks how you’re doing reply with “Thinking about a cool location for our next date”.

Be bold and make sure she knows you are interested in seeing her again. But on the same side, don’t go overboard with the compliments – women like to do a bit of chasing of their own.

Talk about Things she Likes

Now that you know her better and you know about each other’s interests you can have amazing text (or phone) conversations. Use references from TV shows she likes, talk about places she’d like to visit, and so on.

The important thing is to find common ground and build on that. Before you know it, you’ll be on a second, third, or fourth date having lots of fun!

What Not To Do

Now that you have an idea of text messages that will make her want more, I thought it best to give you some pointers on what no to do.

Don’t Be Too Available

As I already said, women like to be chased, but they also like doing a bit of the chasing. If you are always ready to reply within seconds and you’re always waiting for her to end the conversation, she may get bored.

Don’t Get Too Serious

Keep things flirty and jokey until you’re sure she wants something more from the relationship. If you start with declarations of love from the second date you may scare her away.

No Grammar Mistakes

If you’re not 16, don’t text like a 16-year old (with lots of emojis and abbreviations)! But you shouldn’t be mister grammar Nazi either! It’s OK to use words like hangin or walkin and you can use abbreviations like ttyl or brb. With emojis, keep it simple – smileys and winks go a long way but you should stay away from eggplant and squirt emoticons (there’s a time for those, but not in the first texting sessions).

In the end

Now that you have a list of text messages that will make her want more it’s time to go out there and conquer the world! Remember, it’s important to be confident but you should also understand your audience – not every woman thinks the same so you have to adapt to new situations.

The Ultimate Guide to Meet New People: 10 Steps to Make Friends

You’re in your late 20s, maybe early 30s and you’re just realizing that your social life is virtually non-existent? Join the club!

Whether you moved to a new city or decided to focus your energy on developing a career or a relationship, you are one of the many young adults everywhere who are silently contemplating loneliness.

Out of all the things you learn about adulthood, the ultimate guide to meet new people is non-existent. No one tells you what to do when your all your friends get in serious relationships and you start wondering if it’s time to get more cats. Or when you move to a new city and start warming up to the homeless man on your corner of the street.

But it shouldn’t be this hard, right? After all, you’re just doing the same things you did as kids, only now you actually may have interesting things to share. So why is it so difficult?

In many cases, the difficulty is in our heads.

It turns out that once you step out of your comfort zone and muster the courage to actually approach people, you’ll be surprised by how many new friends you can make. True, they won’t all be your BFFs, but you’ll have lots of acquaintances and casual friends.

I know it can be difficult to start this process, which is why I created the ultimate guide to meet new people. Below are 10 easy steps to get you going in the right direction so make sure to go through them all.

#1:  Be Excited about Invitations

What’s your first reaction when someone (a work colleague or an online acquaintance) invites you to an event?

Is it “Oh, I don’t know, I’ll have to check my agenda” or is it “Wow, that sounds great! Let me check my schedule and see if I don’t have anything important that day.”?

Even though both replies seem the same, there’s a huge difference between the two, and that is the level of excitement. The first shows you are indifferent and maybe not that into going while the second shows you are a warm person, interested in new experiences.

In reality, we tend to give the first type of answer when we want to avoid showing vulnerability. Still, to the person making the invite, it’s not that fun and they may avoid you for the next event invitation.

Be 100% all in and don’t be afraid to show you are into going out and meeting new people!

#2: Initiate Social Interactions

How many friends do you have on Facebook? How many of these are casual acquaintances? The average person has at least 10 or 20 people they casually talk to in social media even though they don’t interact that much in real life.

Change this by sending everyone a movie invite to the local cinema. Or organize a coffee klatch event or a beer night and ask people out. It’s not weird and it decides you as the leader of the group if things work out.

Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and move social interactions in the real world!

#3: Use Technology to Find Likeminded People

Since we’re on the topic of social media, you can also use it to find events you may be interested in. Out of the plethora of events organized by local bars, museums, sportive organizations and so on, you must find at least one interesting!

Don’t be afraid to check “Going” and actually go to see what’s going on. You can go alone; no one is going to judge you for this! Even more, you might meet other people who also came alone, and if you don’t like the atmosphere, you can leave at any time.

Use technology to your advantage and have new experiences that will put you in contact with like-minded people.

#4: Add Value to Discussions

Regardless of the fact that it’s a business meeting or the regular chit-chat happening by the water cooler, make sure to offer your contribution to the discussion.

No, this doesn’t mean you have to engage in gossip; it means you should participate in discussions, not just sit there, trying to be invisible. Because, guess what, it doesn’t take long for invisibility to happen in social situations!

If you don’t have anything to say to make the discussion more interesting, just offer your positivity. People like being around positive people and so, they will include you in their next group event (which you should accept with excitement).

Don’t be the outsider just because you’re shy. Push yourself to participate in conversations; otherwise you’ll come on as cool and distant!

#5: Don’t Be Precious

It’s absolutely normal to want to be selective about who becomes your best friend, but it’s difficult to find that BFF if you find reasons to push everyone away.

So, the fifth rule of the ultimate guide to meet new people is: don’t be precious about it! Of course, some selection is necessary, so try to find people with which you share at least one common interest. This way, you’ll have something to talk about and you can do cool things together.

For instance, some people are great to invite watch the football game over the weekend, while others are great for discussing that new book you’re reading. Try to find common ground and accept new people in your life, because they may have a friend who one day, may become your BFF.

Don’t reject people because something puts you off; try to see them as a whole person, with both talents and flaws.

#6: Volunteer for Events You Like

Events happen everywhere, so look for the ones that are interesting and offer your services as a volunteer.

For instance, there are music events, cultural events, charities, cooking festivals, and so on. Once you identify the ones you like, look for the coordinator and send them an email, asking if they need local volunteers. Usually they do and they will be happy to include you in the organization.

It’s not just an amazing occasion to have a different experience, it’s also a great opportunity to meet new, like-minded people and connect with them.

The secret here is to not join events with the sole scope of meeting new people! Join them to improve your life and learn more about things you love to do. This way, when you do meet new people, you’ll have a common passion and plenty of things to talk about.

#7: Experience New Things

This is more of a sequel to the #6 tip, as it’s in the same area. Except now I invite you to join activities you would want to try. Join a class at your local university, start running and find groups of beginner runners, start a wine tasting course, do anything you will enjoy and that will improve your life.

When you experience new things you learn to leave that pesky comfort zone, and you open yourself up to the world!

Be the person you always wanted to be! Try new things and you will meet new people in the process!

#8: Have a Favorite Place

Do you like drinking coffee every morning? Why not do it in a vintage coffee shop, while you’re reading the news or doing some work?

The same goes for many activities, and it helps if you have a place that’s close to your heart. Maybe you like a bar for the atmosphere or you enjoy a cute little pizzeria. Make this place your favorite spot in the city and visit it as often as possible.

Not only will this get you used to be out in the world, but it will also make you more approachable. You may meet other regulars, or you’ll simply have a meet-cute with people who are just passing by. You never know.

The idea is to put yourself out there and allow people to notify you. Be approachable and friendly and some friendships are bound to happen!

#9: Make Eye Contact and Smile

No, you don’t have to stare at the person sitting next to you! You just have to notice people that notice you and look open to a friendly chat.

Yes, you may also get asked out on dates, but you can easily specify you’re not looking for this kind of relationships. Still, if you are always staring at your phone/tablet/laptop and have your earphones on, no one is going to approach you!

By making eye contact and smiling (not too much though!) you let people know you’re warm and fuzzy on the inside and you’re looking to meet someone just as warm and fuzzy for a cool chat.

#10: Summary of the Ultimate Guide to Meet New People

This is more a summarization of the tips above than a tip on itself, but I find it helps to draw a conclusion.

So, to meet new people you have to put yourself out there and be approachable. If you just go to work and then straight home, no one will ever come and drag you off the couch! Try doing activities you like, go to events you enjoy, and always be open to offering a smile and a friendly “Hello”. Things will unravel from there.