Category Archives for psychology

Long Distance Relationship

How to Deal with Being in a Long Distance Relationship

You may have recently found yourself in a long distance relationship without quite knowing how it happened, or perhaps it’s always been this way and you have both had to accept it from the start. Either way, it’s no secret that long distance relationships are tough! Whether you are 300 or 3000 miles away from each other, here are some tips on how to tackle the physical distance head on.

Long Distance Relationship

Here’s how to deal with being in a long distance relationship:

Communicate, communicate, communicate!

Talking is instrumental as it’s all you have got when you’re not seeing your partner for days, weeks, or maybe even months! You should set some time every day to talk, whether that’s on the phone or over text messaging. You could argue that communication is all you have right now, so it’s important that it’s on top form! If you’re on different continents, this might mean you need to stay up late, or get up really early, because of potential time differences. Either way, talk as much as you can, laugh, and share everyday events with your partner to keep the emotional connection strong.

Communication in relationships

Make use of the latest technology.

The various avenues of technology that allow you to see your partner – such as Facetime and Skype – are incredibly useful when you’re in a long distance relationship. Just seeing their face through a phone can truly make your day, and make you feel physically close to them even though the reality is very different. As mentioned previously, communication is imperative; however, ensure that it is quality communication. One text here and there is probably not going to cut it!

Always have a date planned for the next meet up.

Even though you’re both busy and the date might be weeks into the future, it really does help to have one pencilled in the calendar. As soon as it’s set in stone and travel arrangements are made, you can count down the days together. It gives you something to look forward to if you’re going through a bad patch as a couple or desperately missing them.

Have long distance date nights.

Just because you’re in a long distance relationship, doesn’t mean you should neglect the romance. You can still spend time with your partner, even though it’s not physically in the same room! Why not watch a film together, or make a date to have dinner together, over Skype? If dinner doesn’t work because of time differences, then it could be drinks – or even coffee. Also, surprise your partner. A random text or Snapchat letting them know you’re thinking of them here and there will mean a lot to them and it keeps the spark alight.

Have the end goal in mind.

Long Distance Relationship Locks

Obviously long distance relationships can’t last forever. There has to be a set end date in mind where one of you will move to the other, or both of you will move to a new city together. If it’s impossible to work out an exact timeframe at the moment, then at least have a plan of action that you’ve discussed extensively and agreed upon. You have to be able to see a future together, physically together, otherwise there’s no point proceeding with the relationship.

No one ever said that long distance relationships are easy or straightforward – in fact, they are anything but! However, if you can survive your long distance period the, as a couple, you can survive anything. If you persevere, work through the different challenges and make it to the other side together, then your relationship will be stronger as a result. Good luck!

How to Flirt with Girls – Tips and Tricks

Being able to flirt effectively goes a long way when you’re trying to get a girl you’re interested in to feel the same way about you. Some people are naturally good at flirting and others not so good, but luckily it’s something that can be learned by just about anyone. With knowledge of what girls like and some practice, you can become an effective flirter and make yourself more appealing.

Some of the suggestions that we’ll cover have been proven effective in psychological studies and experiments, but usually only in heterosexual interactions. However, most women tend to like the same kinds of traits and behaviour regardless of orientation, so many of these recommendations are suitable for same-sex flirtation too.

               The first impression is significant and your body language is a big part of it. Before you even have a chance to say anything, the way you carry yourself will give the girl you’re approaching an idea of what you’re like. Ideally, you want to come off as casual and confident as these traits make you more attractive. Keep your shoulders back and relaxed. If you’re standing, make sure your feet point forward or slightly outward. These aspects of your posture will help you appear more outgoing and friendly.

Once you’ve settled in, add in some displays of social dominance. Women typically like men who have alpha characteristics so expressing strength though your pose can make you more attractive on an unconscious level. Try some “space maximization techniques”. Men who are of higher social standing often feel comfortable taking up more space, so drape your arm over the chair next to you or sit with your legs spread to imply you are of high standing. Only do this if there is enough space, though; if you’re taking up space in a way that imposes on other people around you, it can come off as rude instead. But if there’s extra room around you, go for it. If your friends are nearby, you can also show dominance by playfully elbowing or shoving them. You don’t want to come off as overly rough, but some light roughhousing can be masculine in a way that is appealing to women—assuming they are attracted to masculine qualities. Combine these actions with a friendly demeanor and a smile and it’s likely to pique her interest.

While smiling is a great way to show you’re enjoying your time with a girl, it can sometimes be better to smirk than to have a full, toothy smile on your face. It’s perfectly natural to smile while laughing, and women love to see that you’re enjoying yourself; but, research has found that grinning widely too much can make you appear desperate or over-eager. Instead, try smirking. While you’re listening to her, switch out the big smile for a gentle smirk. It’s more relaxed but still shows that you’re interested in what she’s saying. Women don’t like men who seem desperate to win them over—smirking will give the impression of a laid-back demeanor which is much more appealing.

Eye contact makes a significant difference in any social interaction, and when flirting with girls, it’s extremely important. Girls are more likely to like guys who show that interest in them. Making eye contact with a girl from across the room signals to her that you’re interested, and holding it in conversation shows her that that she’s the focus of your attention. This makes her feel special which makes the flirtation more enjoyable for her. Additionally, eye contact is useful for forming a connection. Research has shown that making eye contact for as little as two minutes can spark feelings of attraction and affection. If staring into her eyes romantically stirs up those kinds of feelings, she’ll be more receptive to other flirtatious behaviour, like smiling and light touches.

If your body language and making eye contact are both important in flirting, using them together for greater effect makes sense, right? More specifically, making sudden movements while holding eye contact is particularly impactful. A study from Radboud University and Rutgers University found that the combination makes you—and what you say—easier to remember. So, while you’re talking to her and making eye contact, try adding in the occasional sudden motion like moving your hand across the table or turning your head to the side for a quick glance across the room. It’ll help make an impression on the girl you’re flirting with and she’s likely to remember more of your interaction.

Of course, physicality isn’t all there is to flirting. It can help when you’re approaching a girl you’re interested in and enhance the overall experience, but what you say is also a huge part of winning her over. One thing that can get her interested in talking with you is a little banter. It’s especially useful when starting a conversation since it’s immediately intriguing if done right and will draw her in. Be careful though; banter should be witty and have an element of teasing, but should not be crude or mean. That will probably push her away. So don’t take it too far, just keep it light and playful.

“Playful” is really a key word when it comes to flirtation. It should be fun for you and for her, and adding humour into your conversation will help a lot. Everyone has heard it before—girls like guys who can make them laugh. Researchers have conducted studies to prove it and, sure enough, men who make more successful attempts at humour are the ones that women are more likely to be attracted to. When you make a girl laugh, she tends to enjoy the interaction more and sees you as someone who is fun to be around. This in turn makes her want to spend more time with you. And it’s even better when you get to laugh together; it causes unconscious recognition that you’re sharing perspective, which makes the connection between you stronger since people tend to like people they have things in common with. Throw in a bit of self-deprecating humour while you’re at it; not so much that you come off as being insecure, since that isn’t attractive to most girls, but enough that it gives the impression that you don’t take yourself too seriously. If it makes her laugh, you’re doing well.

Complimenting her is another way to let her know that you like her and will make her feel good. It seems like an obvious thing to do, but there are ‘do’s and ‘don’t’s when it comes to complimenting a girl. Try to avoid clichés like telling her that she has beautiful eyes or a nice smile. It may be true, but it’s unoriginal and so general that it can come off as insincere. Instead, take the time to notice details about her and really listen to what she’s saying before rushing into a compliment so you can mention something more specific. Tell her that the way her nose crinkles when she laughs is cute, or that you like how passionate she sounds about the topic she’s been talking about. Straying from the typical and making the compliment unique to her makes it clear that you’re paying attention to her, and that’s incredible important. Keep in mind that some girls can be a little uncomfortable about accepting compliments, though. If that’s the case, don’t push it and try to convince her it’s true; just leave it and move on.

Last, but definitely not least, be yourself and be genuine. It’s flirting advice that has been repeated so often that it shouldn’t have to be mentioned, but it does. So many people become intimidated by the girl they like and are so focused on impressing her that they forget themselves and decide to be what they think the girl will like. They’ll see through it; when you’re pretending to be someone you’re not, the girl you’re talking to will either sense it right away or, if you start dating, she’ll find out down the road. It’s best to just be you. And let her see different parts of your personality; if you’re funny, passionate, ambitious, intellectual, athletic, creative… let it show. When you talk about yourself, vary the topics. Women like a range of different qualities in a partner, so don’t hesitate to let her see that you’re complex. The more she sees, the more there is for her to potentially like.

Not every girl likes the same things while flirting; everyone is unique and has their own preferences. But in general, the suggestions outlined here will help you to be more successful in approaching girls you’re interested in and showing them that you’re a good potential date. Pay attention to how she responds and make tweaks to your behaviour accordingly. Make her smile, make her laugh, let her know that you’re interested in her and what she has to say through your body language, compliments, and conversation. Make a good impression and do it while being yourself. At that point, you’ve done all you can—the rest is up to her.

How to be Alone, but not Lonely

It’s okay—and healthy—to be alone sometimes, but not everyone enjoys it. Some people fall straight into loneliness when they spend time on their own, even if it’s just for a little while. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

First things first, it’s important to know the difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone is an observable fact; it’s you on your own without anyone else around. On the other hand, loneliness is very subjective; loneliness is an emotion that is felt when you’re unhappy about being on your own and you’re wanting some kind of companionship that you’re lacking. Loneliness can be felt when you’re alone, but it can also be felt when you’re in a room full of people if you’re not with a friend or loved one or just can’t relate to anyone nearby. Being alone and being lonely are two different, separate things and they don’t have to go hand in hand. It’s possible to overcome the feeling of loneliness and learn to enjoy and appreciate time alone.

One key to it is changing the way you see being alone. People who are prone to loneliness often feel fear about being alone. If they’re single, they fear that they’ll always be single and then being alone becomes stressful. They feel hopeless, and descend into loneliness. People who don’t have many friends or who live in a city far away from the people they love can feel the same kinds of emotions. It’s important to address these fears and remember that being alone now doesn’t mean you’ll be alone forever. If you don’t want to be alone, you can actively work toward changing it, whether that means finding a romantic partner or forming new friendships. But it’s important to know that in the moment, things aren’t going to change so it’s time to make the best of the current situation. Accept that you’ve got time to yourself and identify the positive aspects of the situation.

For example, if you live alone you don’t have a roommate eating your food, you can decorate however you like, and even walk around naked if you want to. If you’re single, you can travel wherever and whenever you choose, you can spend more time focusing on work without neglecting a partner, and you can sleep soundly without someone tossing and turning next to you. Basically, if you don’t share your space or your personal life with someone, you can do whatever you want to do without having to compromise or give up what you want to do. Whether your time alone is a regular occurrence or just a single day, being on your own means being able to decide exactly how you want to spend your time without having to work out a plan that everyone is happy with—it’s all about what you want. Even if you’d rather not be alone in a particular moment, recognize that you have a lot of freedom and that that’s a great thing. If you can start to see the situation in a positive light, you won’t feel the negativity of loneliness so much.

If you do start to feel lonely, take a minute to try to identify what got you feeling that way. Sometimes it can be triggered by something in particular, like a memento from an ex or a song that reminds you of friends that live far away. When you’re struggling with loneliness, it can be helpful to get rid of anything that is making you feel worse. Put away the memento, take the song off of your playlist. It doesn’t have to be forever, but until you’re feeling more comfortable alone and loneliness isn’t so much of a problem, it’s best to set the trigger aside.

Once you’ve decided to change your perspective and have put away anything that sparks negative feelings, start to consider what kinds of things you can do with your time alone. Yes, you will still be alone and it may not be what you prefer, but if you can find ways to enjoy your time, you’re much less likely to feel lonely. You’ll be preoccupied with activities you enjoy and your focus will be elsewhere. If you have hobbies, it would be a good time to dedicate some more time to them. But what about if you don’t?

Well, how about learning something new? Is there anything you’ve always wanted to learn but haven’t had the chance to get into? If you’ve got a lot of alone-time on your hands, it’s a great opportunity to develop your interests. Maybe you’ve always been interested in history; you could pick up a couple books about a specific era or watch some documentaries. Or maybe you’ve considered taking up yoga; you could start doing yoga at home with a video routine or join a class in your neighbourhood. You could even learn how to paint or play guitar. Your time alone allows you to take part in activities you care about without distraction. You can grow your skills and knowledge-base more than you could if you were busy spending that time with other people. Putting your focus into your interests will pull you away from feelings of loneliness and help you to appreciate the time you can put into learning.

There are other ways to spend your time on yourself that are helpful too. Consider taking the opportunity to get to know yourself. Sometimes we get so caught up with our day-to-day lives that we don’t think about what we want or where we’re going. If you’re not sure what you want to do with your life, if you’re not sure what you’re passionate about, or if you’re just not even sure you like who you are, it’s time to sort through those issues. Take up meditation or journaling to get out your thoughts and start to work on your problems and discover what your goals are. You might even consider seeing a therapist to help you get started, even if it’s just for a couple of sessions. Working on yourself will help you be happy both short- and long-term and you’ll be in a better place to form a relationship in the future.

While learning about who you are, you might find that you could improve your relationship with yourself. Psychologist Dr. Wayne Dyer says “You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.” People who don’t like themselves very much tend to be less comfortable with being alone so working on loving yourself can help you get over loneliness. Not only that, you’ll feel more confident and content in your everyday life. Learn what makes you you and work toward accepting yourself, even the parts you perceive as flawed. If you can learn to love all parts of yourself, you’ll feel more at ease while alone and loneliness won’t be an issue for you.

In learning to like yourself, a little self-pampering is helpful. Spend some time indulging yourself and you’ll not only be building up your relationship with yourself, but you’ll be enjoying the time alone instead of feeling lonely. It doesn’t have to be anything major: have a long bath, treat yourself to a long nap, order your favourite food for dinner, or play a video game. Don’t go overboard and eat until you feel sick or spend more than you can afford or anything like that; just do something for yourself that makes you feel good, even if it’s small. Know that you deserve it! When you spend your time alone doing something that makes you feel spoiled, it’s hard to feel lonely—you’re too busy feeling good. And when you do it in the pursuit of self-love, you help yourself in a way that will positively impact your present and your future.

Loneliness is a terrible feeling, there’s no denying that. It’s rooted in sadness and a sense that something is missing from our lives. When our focus is on what we want but don’t have, it’s natural to start feeling down. The key to overcoming loneliness is finding a way to enjoy being alone, and luckily there are a lot of options to get to a point where being alone isn’t a problem. Whether you decide to distract yourself with hobbies and diving head-first into your interests or you’d rather work on feeling comfortable with who you are so you can enjoy spending time with yourself, you can absolutely move forward and leave loneliness behind. It’ll take some work, but you can do it. Spending time with people you care about is fantastic, but that doesn’t mean that time without them is lacking in anything. Shift to seeing the positives in solitude and take advantage of it, and you’ll never have to feel lonely again.

10 Psychological Productivity Tips – How To be more Productive!

In this fast-paced world, getting high-quality work done efficiently in a short time, is an absolute requirement. The more work done, the better chance of survival in the work jungle.

With limited work opportunities and excess skill set, holding on to a job and being productive and top of the game is stressful and tough.

Given, the cut-throat competition, survival of the fittest and smartest has dictated the way of life. There is a constant expectation to offer top quality work. All this expectation causes a lot of unwanted stress and anxiety that slows down one’s productivity.

In order to beat this stress, human brain seeks escape through social networking sites and procrastination. The result being low productivity, increased stress, and feelings of chaos and frustration.

However, a team of psychologists have researched and studied this aspect and have come up with some excellent suggestions thereby making it easier for you to hold fast to your job and increase your productivity and performance.

Let us have a look at the list of these 10 top psychological tips.

1)Meditate: The very first thing we do on waking up sets the tone for the entire day. And our days often begin with the use of phone/iPad or television.

 

We are bombarding our minds with external stimuli, when we reach out for these devices, the first instant on waking up. This leads to feelings of stress and anxiety at the very start of the day causing us to lose focus and get distracted easily.

Meditation, according to several studies is a great relaxation technique which helps improve your focus and increases your productivity.

Waking a few minutes earlier than your usual time will help you set aside some quiet moments for yourself. I know many of you may be frowning already after hearing this suggestion after all who would not want to get a few minutes of extra sleep.

Waking up early according to several studies has been linked to overall feelings of optimism and increased well-being. When you feel good about yourself you are sure to be productive and creative.

Meditating may be hard initially, after all, it’s difficult to let your mind be still when you have so much happening around you. Regular practice will help you control your thoughts and stop your mind from wandering.

Meditation helps you to stay focused and enhances your creativity, thereby greatly increasing your productivity.

 

2) Reward: According to research and studies the human brain is greatly stimulated at the idea of reward and can learn to attach the concept of reward or a prize to almost anything. Using this knowledge to our benefit can help us greatly to increase our productivity. Here is how we can do it: Firstly, make a list of the most important tasks you have to complete during the day. For e.g. it can either be completing a presentation or reading through a document or making a phone call etc.

After you make a list of the “most important” tasks for the day, set aside a reward and then indulge in it when you have completed the task.

For instance, you have an important presentation to make but are just not in the mood to do it, instead, you are tempted to go through your Facebook account and see what’s happening there.

Instead of giving into your temptation and whiling away your time on FB, motivate yourself to complete the presentation by choosing to look through FB, after the task has been completed.

 

3) 8 hours of Sleep:  Getting a good night’s sleep is essential in improving one’s productivity. Working late hours and rising early to complete work can make you foggy, anxious and unsure, causing your productivity to dip real low. According to research, people who oversleep or sleep less tend to take more number of sick leaves.

Getting the required amount of sleep, on the other hand, helps prevent burnouts, refreshes you, helps you focus, increases your ability to concentrate and helps complete tasks quickly

 

4) Prioritize your Time: Studies state that it is impossible for humans to operate on peak performance throughout the day. We all have that best time of the day wherein we can accomplish a lot. Some individuals are morning people i.e. they can get a lot of work done early in the morning. Some, on the other hand, are evening people i.e. they accomplish a major chunk of work in the evening.

Find out what type you are and set aside a good 90 minutes with absolutely no distraction ,devotedly just working during that time. This way you will feel less guilty about whiling away the rest of the day because you have already completed a major chunk of your work.

 

5) Delegation: Humans excel at tasks at which they are naturally good, whereas may have to put in extra effort and time on tasks in which they struggle. Focusing on tasks in which you are naturally good and delegating the tasks which slow you down is a great way to increase your productivity.

For e.g. you may be a great writer but an average photographer, if you have to compile an article with great pictures, you could increase your productivity by focusing on the writing and delegating the job of photography or photoshop to someone else. This way, you get to produce an amazing article with apt pictures in a short period of time.

Delegating the tough parts of your job to someone else, will let you focus your precious time on your strengths. It is human tendency for our mind to wander when it is challenged with tasks that are difficult or uninteresting. Therefore, make the most of your attention span by focusing on tasks you naturally excel at.

 

 

 

 

6) Autosuggestion:  Empowering yourself with positive self-talk according to research is a great way to increase your productivity.  Constantly encouraging yourself to stay focused and positive can help weed out negative thoughts and keep you focused.

Statements like “I can do it”, “Life is good to me”, “I am good at my work”, “I can do anything I set my mind too” are great ways to uplift and motivate yourself.

 

7) Diet and Exercise: The food we eat greatly affects both our body and mind. Overeating and under-eating greatly sap down our productivity. When you over-eat, you tend to feel groggy and sleepy and are less likely to focus on work, similarly, trying to get work done on an empty stomach is difficult.

Have you noticed that your performance suffers most post lunch hour? Having fast food like cheeseburgers and French fries for lunch can be time-saving but may later cause you to feel stuffed and groggy through the later part of the day.

This happens because our stomachs take a longer time to digest these foods causing less supply of oxygen to reach our brain, thus causing us to feel sleepy and distracted.

The best way to beat this problem is to eat before you are very hungry. For instance, choosing to eat at 12.30 in the afternoon and not waiting until 2.00 wherein you are very hungry and are more likely to binge eat can cause you to ward off over-eating and stay full and still be focused.

Eating plenty of fruits, vegetables and nuts like almonds and walnuts is not only good for our body but also our brain too. They not only satisfy our hunger but also help increase our productivity to a great extent.

Exercising is another great way to enhance physical well-being as well as work productivity. Studies state that regular exercise is a common factor among all top-notch executives and businessmen. Exercising even twice a week can be extremely effective in increasing your energy levels, overall health and improve work performance.

 

8)Decluttering: A tidy workspace is a big plus point when it comes to increasing your work productivity. Increased work structure and limited time may leave you physically exhausted and mentally drained, leaving you with absolutely no energy, to clear the clutter on your desk.

Moreover, you may convince yourself to not clean the clutter, with the excuse of finding it easy to obtain what you need, if you have it all on your desk. The clutter may be convenient at the moment but in the long run, affects your ability to focus and may cause you to feel frustrated.

Studies state that a cluttered desk is directly related to low productivity because several stimuli are competing for your attention at the same time causing your mind to be confused and more prone to distraction.

An opened file, an unread book, a half-eaten apple scream out for your attention at the same time, causing your mind to wander to a thousand different places before it can focus on one thing.

It can be best explained as having ten children around your desk, all calling out for your attention at the same, leaving you flustered over whom to answer first.

Similarly, a cluttered desk, causes your senses to be bombarded with just too much information, leaving you feeling anxious and stressed. There is this constant pressure of having too much work left to be completed, which saps out your creativity and makes you view your work as a heavy burden, which is a major blow to your productivity.

A clear desk that is uncluttered, causes you to stay focused for a longer time and promotes a sense of optimism which are key factors in boosting your work productivity.

 

9) Taking Breaks: Staring at the computer for long hours may cause you to feel tired and groggy. According to a 2014 study by a Stanford Professor, John Pencavel, those who put in 70 hours of work had the same productivity in comparison to those who put on 56 hours of work.

Working continuously for a long stretch of time can leave you mentally exhausted and dampen your work productivity. Taking a break every 60 minutes refreshes your mind and can serve as a great creativity boost.

A short 10-minute break like getting up to get yourself a cup of tea or a drink can be very rewarding. Taking a quick walk around the floor or moving up and down the stairs, gets the blood flowing and pumping across to your brain and the entire body. Indulging in social-networking sites or indulging in an online game may not be a good idea of taking a quick break, as leaving a social site or a game mid-way may cause to pay less attention to your work afterward.

Sitting for long hours at your desk can lead to physical problems like backaches, weight gain and sluggishness. Any kind of physical movement or a quick exercise by the desk to relieve your back from the constant sitting, takes off your mind from the stress, allowing you to get a new perspective and return to your work with a renewed zeal.

Studies also state that looking at pictures of nature, or glancing outside your window and exposing yourself to some sunlight can be a great way to get a quick mental boost. There is something soothing about nature that immediately revitalizes your body. So, make sure you take short breaks to refresh yourself and boost your productivity.

 

10) Productivity Zappers:  According to a 2015 survey conducted by CareerBuilder, the top five attention destroyers in any workplace are:

  • Cellphones
  • Social Media
  • Internet
  • Gossip
  • Email

It is very easy to indulge in these distractions when you are stressed out and bored. Constantly reminding yourself to focus on your goals and use of certain apps like  Freedom and LeechBlock will help control your constant urge to check your phone, emails and visit social networking sites. Avoiding gossip-mongers and switching your phone off sometimes, can also help.

Paul Meyer rightly quoted “Productivity is never an accident. It is always the result of a commitment to excellence, intelligent planning, and focused effort”.

Body Language Basics – How to Read Someone

Body language interpretation involves the study of gestures, actions and facial expressions related to human behavior.

In our daily lives, the art of proper body language interpretation is all about the ability to look closely at the individual you are communicating with and picking up various signals, some of the basic ones of which we have already described. A key factor of body language interpretation is to ensure that you are subtle about what you are doing so that the other person does not realize what you are doing this. Failure to do so will result in the person feeling uncomfortable and distracted by your behavior.

Body language entails gestures and movements involving all different parts of the body, from head to toe. We’re going to go over the basic meanings of each area of the body.

When learning to read body language, observation is the key. Focusing on what others say verbally is not always enough because our language capabilities are such that a person can say one thing and easily mean something else. People can have a tendency to use very vague language when expressing them. As you learn to closely observe, not only what is being said but, how it is said, you are developing an essential skill require to successful read body language.

Other non-verbal cues such as facial expressions and tone of voice are also very important in learning to read body language. Observing facial expression is one of the easiest parts of the body to read when it comes to learning to read body language. Though, it is very common that people will attempt to try to mask facial expressions. This very act of trying to conceal how they feel can then give a close observer the idea about how that person feels about the topic that they are talking about.

 

Features Of Body Language

  1. Impulsive

Communication is dynamic. It’s an on-going process. It moves back and forth from sender to receiver in the form of feedback and interaction. Human beings change and grow as individuals, and so does communication patterns and the interpretation of body language communication. The changes are also noticeable from one place to another.

  1. Interactive

Communication occurs between people. It also occurs internally. The internal communication always involves the three aspects of human life: physical, psychological and the spiritual. Refer to this section to become better acquainted with conscious, and subconscious communication, and the intellect necessary in body- language communication.

  1. Indefinite

Communication produces negative or positive results. The basis behind various reactions changes from one person to the next or one scenario and another. Outside of context, responses to body-language communication cannot always be predicted. Communication, therefore, can take various conversation tracks depending on the circumstances surrounding it.

  1. Irreversible

In the heat of the moment, you may use violent, unproductive communication only to regret having used those harsh words. One mentor illustrated the harm that gossip can produce in the fragile community of family and friends. He took the offending gossiper to the top of the town’s tallest building. When the repentant young man regretted speaking lies about a colleague and wished to undo the damage, the patient teacher gently pulled out his method of driving home a point. When the young man objected to the proposal, claiming that it would be impossible to retrieve each feather, the teacher wisely drove home his point. “Angry, harmful words like these feathers- can easily leave your mouth, but is impossible to reverse the damage entirely done. Even an apology cannot fully erase the pain from the memory of the one who you spoke to so harshly.” Grieved, the young gossiper vowed always to be more careful of letting angry words fly out of his mouth.

Unwisely spoken words portray a lack of control. A proverb says, “He that has no control over his spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls.” In the case of internal communication, speaking harmful, negative words to yourself leads to disillusionment. Negative self-talk can alter your view of yourself. Interpersonal communication it is the outward demonstration of your conversation. Speaking kindly to yourself can help you to learn of to speak kindly to others.

  1. Involvement

Communication between the conscious and the subconscious aspects of our personalities work in harmony to produce desired results in life. You become the person that you develop through internal conversation. The two, pulling in separate opposite directions, only create conflict, retard growth and slow down life. You can look in the mirror and physically say to yourself that you are awesome, but if your spirit counters that with a negative response, you could find yourself slipping backward in personal growth.

  1. Increases Commitment

The more you engage the mind in positive thinking, the more that positive can thoughts take center stage in your mind. This permits you more chances for you to create and exhibit positive body language.

  1. Contextual

Communication has no meaning apart from its surrounding. The simple command “move” can take on significance depending on the situation. In a simple setting, a mother can place a hand on a child’s shoulder to move him aside to be able to reach something on the top shelf. I a different circumstance, the word “move” can become a warning to get a person out of the path of a falling boulder.

All of these aspects can be simply concluded by saying that communication does not take place in a vacuum.

 

How Body Language Fits In the Ideal Pattern Of Communication

All body movements convey meaning. However, meanings vary from place to place, culture to culture, country to country and continent to continent. There are three distinct notable classifications of body language commonly used in most cases. This section of the article explores the three distinct classifications of body language communication.

  1. Physical – Scratching, winking, stretching, yawning all some of most common outward body movements.
  2. Psychological – Intellect.
  3. Social – Touching

Read about scratching, winking and stretching physical classification. Engage your intellect with psychological insights on body language and touch base with social body language communication.

When verbal communication breaks down as it does many times in life, body language offers alternative escape route to create understanding between people. Whether you use the hand, arm, head, or trunk, all body part movements communicate messages. This is observed when a deaf person and a hearing person attempt to communicate.

You read how the three aspects of human life the physical, psychological land spiritual influence body language communication in this article. The subject of this article is on body language communication. Therefore, you can’t have body language without a body.

You’re a physical human being. You’re also psychological and social being. These three aspects of human life influence body language communication.

 

Negotiations and the Body Language

You negotiate every day. For example, you negotiate with your boss to have a well-deserved raise. Interestingly, body language plays an important role in each aspect of a negotiation.

Body language becomes crucial when it comes to business-related negotiations. By reading the gestures of others and performing the right body movements, you will have great “winning chances” in the negotiation.

 

The Initial Phase

The negotiation starts as soon as you enter the “negotiation area.” Observe the body language of your counterpart/s. focus on their chest, head, hands, feet, legs and arms. Aside from reading their body signs, this technique will help you become an effective listener.

 

The Personal Space

During a negotiation, every individual establishes his personal space (also known as “territory”). In businesses, the “higher ups” (i.e. the high-ranking officials of the company) require wide personal space.

For instance, the right to sit in the “dominant chair” (i.e. the chair in the table’s head) symbolizes power. You can counter the authority of the “dominant person” by setting your allies around the table. Surround the dominant party or go for a seating arrangement that lets you gain more control over the discussion.

 

First Impressions

When it comes to negotiations, the most important move is the first one. It’s like you’re playing chess. The person who has the first move has the advantage because he can make the first attack. The moves and the overall strategy to use in the game depend on the first move made on the board.

Thus, you need to make a first move that is firm, logical and deeply analyzed. Start with your body language. Project positivity and enthusiasm. For instance, if you are in an important meeting, look other people in the eyes. As you’ve probably heard before, eyes serve as windows to a person’s soul. If you can’t establish and keep eye contact with your counterparts, they will think that you are lying or hiding something.

Make sure that your handshake is solid. Hold the other person’s hand firmly. Some people think that squeezing the hand of the other person is great. However, nothing can be further from the truth.

Establish eye contact and press the other person’s hand once. Pressing his hand twice means that you are excited about the negotiation. Pressing the person’s hand three or more times, however, can make him feel uncomfortable.

 

Use your Knowledge Regarding Body Language

While negotiating, observe the body movements of the people involved. The first part of this article taught you how to read people’s signs. Use that knowledge to know whether the people you’re talking to believe you, doubt you, or accept what you said. You can even use body language to detect if someone is lying.

Recognize and analyze the signals mentioned above. Additionally, you need to consider all of the actions you make. If you exhibit signs of self-doubt, fear or nervousness, your counterparts (particularly those who know body language) may exploit the situation.

 

How To Tell If Someone Is Lying

Everybody lies. Friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, spouses, and even the guy at the supermarket who heartily insists that the limp lettuce on display “just came in this morning.” In times like these when deceit is so rampant among us, it pays to be able to tell if someone is lying to you. Check out the hints below on how to hone your lie detection skills so that next time you suspect it, you’ll be able to tell easily if someone is lying to you.

 

Lie Detection by Body Language

Stiffness-Liars are often very tense and will make as few limb movements as possible while lying or discussing a lie.

Twitching fingers-Though their limbs are tense, liars often cannot resist small nervous movements of their fingers. They will also often play idly with small objects nearby such as pens, keys, and their accessories.

Face Touching. Excessive, nervous, or idle contact with the face, ears, and nose is another give away among liars. Many people report persistent nose itching when deceiving someone.

Gestures that are Inappropriate – They may be lying during their speech if they make untimely gestures or if someone’s body motions do not fit with what is being said.

Fake Emotions-When an emotion is sincere, the hundreds of tiny muscles in a person’s face work together to convey that emotion. Fake emotions, like a fake smile, tend to extend only to the mouth region of the face, never reaching the eyes, cheeks, and other areas of the face. So if someone’s smile or frown is nothing more than a mere pulling off the lips up or down respectively, this can accurately detect if that someone is lying to you.

Face Twitches. For the same reason of facial muscles mentioned above, most people cannot hide the brief flicker of their true emotions that flits across their face when they feel something. Though these flickers usually last as little as a quarter of a second, scrutiny of their face can reveal if someone is lying to you.

 

Lie Detection by Speech

Changes in Tenor-If someone’s voice is notably higher or lower pitched than it usually is, or if a voice that doesn’t usually crack does, this can indicate nervousness and deception.

Vague Statements-Liars often rely on “loopholes” in questions or statements to make their response not “technically” untrue. This usually manifests itself as very vague statements or as responses using the same phrasing as the question.

Distancing language- Among Liars, a popular means of self-detachment from their deception is distancing language, that is using words and phrases that convey a meaning while avoiding mentioning a person, specifically their person. So in answering the question “Did you remember to feed my dog this morning?” someone who is lying to you might respond, “The dog was fed.”

Contraction Omission-Liars tend to shy away from using contractions to sound firm and convincing. When “accused,” a liar is more likely to say stoically “I did not do that.” while an honest person is more likely to say heatedly “I didn’t do that!”

Discomfort with Silence-If someone is lying to you, they are likely to be very uncomfortable and nervous during pauses or silences in conversations. It seems that these periodic lapses are unnerving because they offer time for dissembling on the other person’s part.

 

So now you are armed with eleven different ways to tell if someone is lying to you. I hope that these truly help you to spot more of the lies you encounter daily. You will probably be surprised, as I was when I first learned these methods, at how many white fibs, half-truths, and plain, blunt lies you are told every day.

How To Tell If Someone Is Attracted To You

 

I know how you feel. I’ve been in that situation as well. When you like a guy but not sure if he really likes you. You don’t have to worry because there is a way to know what he thinks about you. And that way is body language.

I just want to make something clear though before we continue. Yes, body language does help a lot in determining if a guy likes you or not but never believe that it can give you the answer with 100 percent accuracy. Having said that, let’s move on to the kind of body language men do when he’s into you:

  1. The stare – If you find a guy constantly looking at you or staring at you, then it might indicate he likes you. Men like to stare at girls they either admire or like. And sometimes they make this obvious to give you a hint that he wants you.
  2. The curious man – When the person begins questioning your likes, dislikes, to your hobbies and talents, etc. then this is an indication that he wants to know more about you. This is also a chance for him to get close to you and be with you.
  3. The time – By him spending less time with his normal buddies and more time with you, then that surely much shows that he wants you. He wants to know more about you and he is interested with you.
  4. The alpha male- When a guy likes you, and he is with his friends then he will usually do something crazy to show that he leads the pack and that he has power.
  5. The change – If you notice a guy from afar (when he has not noticed you yet) the chances are his in a relaxed position and he might even be slouching a little. Now notice when you get near him, the moment he notices you his whole sitting or standing position will change. His going to stand or sit more erectly, will show his chest more, and tuck in his stomach. If you don’t believe me, then try to do an experiment once in a while.
  6. The help – If a man likes you then he will try to help you in any way he can to make your life much easier. That he can certainly meet your needs by making you feel that you need him.

 

Pay attention to their body language. Do they stay turned towards you, even if you’re sitting next to each other? Watch their torso. When someone keeps their belly button facing you, it means they like you. Do they take opportunities to touch you, like on your shoulder, arms, or hands? What about their facial expressions? Remember, a natural smile will crinkle the corners of their eyes. Don’t worry too much about crossed arms or restlessness. On dates, people often cross their arms when they’re thoughtful and focusing, and excitement can cause fidgeting movements.

Once you’ve determined whether or not your date likes you and if you have chemistry, it’s time to think about your values and if this is a person you want to continue seeing. What can you learn about their personality? Are they shy or extroverted? How do they react in stressful situations? Are they a naturally calm person, or nervous? Think about your conversations with them. What kinds of things do they talk about and in how much detail? Do they gossip or talk only about themselves a lot? Answering these questions about your potential partner will help you decide if they align with what’s important to you and if you respect them.

 

In It For The Long-Haul

Whether you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, you can still put your analytical skills to use to get a comprehensive picture of the person you’re with. When you’ve been with someone a while, it’s easy to stop paying attention to certain behaviors or never think about how a personality trait affects you. If you aren’t sure where to start analyzing, ask yourself these questions and observe their body language, facial expressions, and speech to answer them.

  • How does your partner treat others?

Think about how your partner treats your family and friends, as well as their family and friends. Are they respectful? Or are they constantly getting into fights? It’s also significant to pay attention to how your partner treats strangers. There is a really good dating rule that if a person treats the wait staff at a restaurant poorly, then they’re not a good person. It shows that your partner sees certain people as inferior and therefore not worthy of good treatment, which is a major red flag.

 

  • How does your partner respond to challenging situations?

 

Stressful times reveal a person’s true colors. Is your partner fun and happy until things don’t go their way? Do they become angry and pouty? Defensive? People who don’t handle the word “no” very well or who crumble under pressure are probably spoiled and used to having everything go the way they want. Being in a relationship with someone like that can be very hard, but not impossible. They just have to be willing to learn how to handle stress and that the world does not exist to please them.

 

  • How do they show anger?

 

In that same vein, when they get upset, how do they show it? Be wary of the partner who becomes angry very quickly. People with short fuses have control problems and don’t have the emotional maturity to express themselves in healthy ways. If they become violent, you might be in an abusive relationship. Even if they are not violent towards you, but break things around the house, you need to consider that a red flag.

 

  • How much does your partner talk versus how much do they listen?

 

If your partner is always doing all the talking and is a bad listener, it means they do not respect your ideas or make you a priority, or at the very least, it means they’re inconsiderate. On the other hand, if your partner listens a lot, but you have trouble engaging in conversation with them, it might mean that they like to think instead of talk right away, or they feel intimidated by you. Ask your partner what’s going on. Tell them if you feel railroaded all the time and like they don’t care about what you have to say. Communication is essential to a healthy relationship.

 

  • How do they respond when you’re busy with other people?

 

When you’re in a group, observe your partner from a distance. Are they the jealous type who is always lurking around when you’re talking to people? Do they stand in a corner by themselves? Or are they able to entertain themselves? Whether or not your partner can handle not being the focus of your attention says a lot about their independence and possessive traits. In a healthy relationship, your partner will have no trouble with you talking to others because they trust you, and they’ll be able to find something to occupy themselves with. Even introverted people who aren’t naturally outgoing will be okay with you not holding their hand the whole evening.

Basic Body Language Confident Poses And Myths

Body language is one of the strongest indicators of how a person feels. It’s more often than not subconscious, though people can train their bodies to convey confidence and other positive traits. The definition of body language in the Oxford Dictionary is, “the conscious and unconscious movements and postures by which attitudes and feelings are communicated.” For example, slouched shoulders indicate sadness, exhaustion, or lack of confidence, while a tilted head can mean playfulness, flirting, or curiosity.

 

The Body-Language Basics

There are certain movements that almost always mean the same thing. Take note when you see these movements in people around you, and you’ll be off to a great start as a body-language expert. Here are the three big ones:

 

  • Crossed legs and arms: This movement nearly always means the person is not comfortable or resisting something, whether it’s an idea or a person. They are forming a wall of their body.

 

  • Mirroring: When a person is copying another’s body language, it means they like them and feels a connection, or they want the other person to believe that. It is very common among good negotiators and between people who are interested romantically in each other.

 

  • Posture: How a person holds their body tells you a lot about them. A straight, erect posture screams confidence and control, while a slouched one implies weakness and uncertainty.

 

Another thing to remember before we get into specific areas of the body and what they can tell us is that every individual’s “language” is a little different. As an example, introverted people tend to take up less space physically than extroverted ones, but it does not necessarily mean they lack confidence. While being fidgety and restless might signal to most that the person is anxious or uncomfortable, some people are just naturally antsy. You can make snap judgments about people based on their body language that turns out to be wrong, so keep analyzing and observing them so you can learn what their specific language is.

 

What The Torso Tells You

Because our torso holds all of our vital organs, any movement in that area can reveal a lot about how a person feels in their environment. Humans naturally want to protect our heart, lungs, etc., so if we feel like we are in danger, we will become more guarded physically.

Height is also important. An erect torso with raised shoulders, thrown back, indicate confidence, while a slouchy torso with lowered shoulders gives off an insecure, tired aura. In a dating situation, the torso is very important. You can know that the other person is interested in you and feels safe is they stay turned towards you. If they lean in, they are comfortable. They are bringing their vital organs closer to you.

 

What the arms (and hands) are about

A person’s arms and hands communicate a lot. Whether or not someone “talks with their hands” can provide a peek into their personalities; people who gesture a lot are perceived as energetic and warm. High gestures for some reason accentuate that perception, while lower gestures are more common when a person is upset. Crossed arms reveal fear or anger. Bear in mind that cautious people may cross their arms automatically in unfamiliar situations, appearing grumpy and unfriendly. Pay attention to their other movements to learn more.

What about people who are fidgety? Arms and hands can reveal when a person is uncomfortable. People whose hands shake and who frequently touch their face and head are often nervous or restless. Tapping their fingers can also mean that the person is bored.

 

Learning From Legs And Feet

When it comes to body language, most people neglect the legs and feet. Many body-language experts believe that legs are the most honest body part we have. Pay attention to the direction of the feet and legs. They tend to lean in the direction a person wants to go. If they are pointed towards you or someone else, the person is comfortable. Pointing away means they want to leave or feel unsure enough to keep “running away” as an option.

Jittery legs and feet also signal that a person is ready to run if necessary and does not feel secure about where they are. It could be because of fear or boredom, but it’s a very noticeable move. People who tap their feet or bounce their legs when they’re sitting are often seen as rude and rushed. It’s as if their feet are itching to move and get out of there. As an AP, pay close attention to people who fidget their legs and feet a lot – it could let you know a lot about their attention spans and ability to focus.

Just like crossed arms means a person is guarding themselves, crossed legs have the same effect. Women often cross their legs or at least keep their knees together when they’re wearing skirts or dresses, and it doesn’t necessarily mean they feel uncomfortable in their environment. Men, on the other hand, often spread their legs too wide; doing what is now called “man spreading.” It gives them a relaxed, often arrogant look that takes up a lot of space.

How a person walks reveals some interesting facts about them. A confident walk free from shuffling feet is a sign of confidence and strength. A person’s gait can also immediately reveal any health problems they have, like if they have a limp or need to walk slowly because of balance issues or age. Knowing this won’t necessarily help you understand their personalities better, but it’s just another piece of information you can store away in your mind.

Being an AP in a Professional Setting

If you are in the workplace, you spend a lot of time outside your home with colleagues. Depending on your job and lifestyle, your coworkers and boss might essentially be like a second family regarding how much time and energy you use up on them. Being able to analyze them is important if you want to maintain good relationships, work through difficult projects, and succeed in your career. This section will go through how to analyze your colleagues, bosses, and audiences for when you have to give presentations and speeches.

Considering your coworkers

Being in good standing with your co-workers is extremely important when it comes to job satisfaction. If your coworkers dislike you, they’ll be much harder to work with and can make your work life miserable. How can you tell whether or not you fit in well at a job? Here are negative and positive behaviors to be on the lookout for:

  • People smile at you

If your coworkers like you and want you to like them, they will smile at you. Whether it’s when you enter a room and they’re greeting you, or you’re talking to them, watch for that genuine, eye-crinkling smile. Obviously, everyone has their bad days, but as an AP, you should be able to consider all the days and see whether or not a natural smile is a stable or a rarity.

  • They always acknowledge you

When you walk into work, do people greet you with a “good morning?” How about a “See you tomorrow” when you leave? These small acknowledgments show that your coworkers want to make you feel welcome and seen. If they ignore you, they don’t care enough to even say hello or goodbye, or they’ve just genuinely not noticed you, which is also not a good sign.

  • Coworkers don’t gossip about you

Gossip, cliques, and other immaturities are common even in professional settings. If a coworker or coworkers refuse to participate in that sort of behavior when it comes to you, it means they respect you. They don’t want to contribute to a hostile environment, and they want to stick up for you when you’re not around to defend yourself. Obviously, gossip about you won’t happen when you’re there, so how do you know if a coworker isn’t spreading rumors? You’ll know. If they are badmouthing you, it will come back around to you.

  • They avoid talking to you

Whether they are answering your questions with really short replies or always choosing to email you instead of just walking over, it’s a pretty sure sign a co-worker doesn’t like you. If they are normally chatty with others, but always quiet and moody around you, that’s another signal. They don’t want to interact with you any more than is necessary.

  • People never make it personal

If your coworkers never engage with you on a personal level by including you in office humor, inviting you to social events like happy hour, or even asking you about your life outside work, you do not have a good relationship with them. They either are actively avoiding you or don’t care enough to remember you exist outside essential work interactions. Don’t chalk it up as just “professionalism” – you can have professional and personal relationships with people at work.

  • They avoid eye contact with you

When a person doesn’t like or respect someone else, it’s hard to make eye contact with them. That’s probably because they’re afraid their eyes will reveal the truth about how they feel. If you have a coworker who never looks you in the eye when they’re talking to you, they probably don’t like or trust you for some reason.

How to speak to an audience

Giving speeches to your coworkers and others is a big part of a lot of jobs. There are three big factors to consider: age of your audience, their education, and culture. Understanding your audience allows you to create your speech just for them and their backgrounds. They’ll be much more receptive to your ideas when you find common ground.

You’ll usually have a general idea of how old your audience is. Depending on your company, it might be a mix of young and older, mostly older, or younger. As an example, a hip start-up will probably have a lot younger people than a big corporation. Knowing the age of your audience can help you choose stories from the past that they will have a context for. You won’t want to use pre-Internet stories or a story about a broken fax machine for an audience that is in their 20’s 0r 30’s.

Elements Of Effective Communication

A pat on the back, a wink, or a hug, are all signs of body language communication

A handshake can communicate much more than a simple greeting. Two men can establish dominance by the pressure of their handshakes. It can also be a way of acknowledging the other person’s presence and well-being. You engage the other person in conversation with a warm and encouraging handshake.

Through handshake, you seek to know the other person’s health, and wealth, as well as wish the person good fortune.

It is hard, but not impossible to eliminate simple social habits such as shaking hands if the custom has no value in another culture. You may not realize the fact that shaking hands is not a universally standard practice all over the world. You may not be able to rid yourself of the excitement of shaking hands with everyone if it a set habit for you. Your enjoyment of employing this type of greeting may show that you are so thirsty for social contact that it is like you are dehydrated. You may believe that you could drink a whole ocean of social interaction.

But, while every habit of the local citizens in the country where you are the visitor may fascinates you, you may be turning a blind eye to your body language communication. It is possible that your routine habit of shaking hands could risk your getting to understand the nuances of another culture truly. Many hosts in a local region are tolerant. But you may not be aware that your body language habits are misinterpreted simply because you find nothing wrong with shaking hands.

How would you know if your simple social behavior is offensive unless someone tells you? If no one in that new culture says whether something is wrong or frowns, you assume that your practice it’s in order. Not knowing that you are offensive is the challenge. However, the reality of the situation has a way of surfacing. The host citizen may be kind and warm. But he could be expressing in a handshake at that first meeting what he feels if the hold is brief. You may come from a cultural background where shaking hands is a long, drawn out, tight grip. It would not be unusual for you to think the hosts are not welcoming by the brief manner that they are shaking hands.

You need to be observant of the situation. Research before your travels to a new region of the globe. Ask pointed questions to acknowledge the practices and body language communication in the new culture. Pay attention to the details of expressions, eye contact, and body posture to learn what the culture has to teach. If you do not practice wisdom before you step into a new culture, it could be too late to undo the damage you caused in a new human relationship.

Your time to learn new ways could also be limited by your travel itinerary. Before you know it, you reenter the world you left behind where handshakes, along with seven signal systems, form the bulk of communication process.

Conclusion

This article covers all the ways you can analyze someone body language. The first person you start with is yourself because if you aren’t self-aware, it will be very hard to be aware of others. Pay attention to your body in different situations and see how it reacts to the environment. Listen to your voice and trace your emotions to their roots. This can be a lifelong process, but the benefits of self-analysis are even greater than those that come from analyzing others.

Emotions and personality traits are not strictly inward creatures; they manifest physically in sometimes surprising ways. Using your observational skills, you can identify a person’s comfort level, feelings, and even personality by how they move their legs, whether or not they face you, what their eyebrows do, and how fast they talk. Good APs can read tiny facial expressions, known as micro-expressions, and very subtle body movements to gather information. The more you practice, the better you will get at analyzing people.

Remember that everyone is a little bit different, so one facial expression or movement might mean something in one person, and not mean that in another. Bear in mind that people are all unique, so you can’t adopt a “one size fits all” approach.

Thank you again for reading this article!

I hope this article was able to help you become skilled in using body language.

The next step is to apply the lessons you’ve learned in this article. With regular practice, you can use this form of communication to achieve your personal and career goals. Remember, your actions form the person that you are, in the truest sense.

Body Language – How to Tell if Someone is Lying To You

“When mind tries to figure out pretty lies, eyes are telling the bitter truth.”

Communication is something natural for us. Mostly, we don’t even think about it. We just communicate with each other. Maybe it is a good idea to stop for a while and take a closer look at it? Especially at that less discussed but at the same time more independent one. Verbal signs can be under tight control of speaker, it’s much more difficult to do the same thing with nonverbal ones. They come by instinct, so we can easily overlook them. Those, who will learn how to read them, are instantly ahead of the rest of the people. It’s nearly impossible to lie to them. It also makes those lucky ones able to become masters of relations. Do you want to join that group? Keep reading!

What will you find in this article? Everything you’d love to know about body language – how to detect liar or potential lover, the meaning of some other signs and the most common myths concerning nonverbal communication. Trust me, it’s an easy pie! You just need to notice a few things, while talking to someone and you will never miss others intentions again!

Nonverbal communication in a short overview – what to blow the whistle on?

If you want to interpret nonverbal signals, you should be mindful of:

  • Countenance – that means all facial expressions. Some of them might be easy to notice, a lot of them are missed or taken in the wrong way though.
  • Kinesics – it includes such things as gesture, posture or body position.
  • Proxemics – distance between you and your speaker. Often left out but very important!
  • Paralanguage – all about voice, so it’s modulation, height, intensity.
  • Haptics – generally it’s touch, any way of physical connection between people.

Is it necessary to observe all of them? Actually, the answer is: yes and no. No, because sometimes only one signal can give you the whole picture, especially when the person, you’re talking to, is carried away. Yes, because it’s easier to find out the real purpose of the people. I’m sure that you have been in a situation when you received dissonant messages. This kind is called “double bind”. With at least basic knowledge in the whole of those subjects, it’s better to make out which of signals are true, emotional ones. Don’t worry, it’s nothing very challenging!

Become a lie detector!

Nobody wants to be deceived. Some people can seem to be perfect at misleading though. As long as they can’t fully treat with their body, they aren’t undetectable. Their discomfort is visible in a lot of their actions and reactions. Sometimes Are you wondering, how find out about your speaker’s false intentions? Here are some most common details:

  • Yes, I’m serious. Liars are often smiling or even laughing to hide the truth and defuse their stress. As fake, nervous laugh is rather easy to distinguish, with the smile there might be some problems. A pretended grin always has one feature that makes it recognisable – eyes. We can force our lips to smile but we can’t do the same with eyes muscles. Only a true smile makes them move upwards. Now you’ll know if your jokes aren’t funny.
  • Speaking of eyes, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard about that cheaters never look into them. It’s the first way to detect lies I’ve been taught in my whole life. Suprise! It doesn’t work anymore. Are you shocked? Well, at first I’ve also been but it’s quite logical. This method has become too popular, all of the people have known that… the liars too, so now they try to avoid it. Maybe not themselves, their subconsciouses are helping them.  It’s not also completely out of date tip though, some people are still looking away when they want to hide something. Just be careful – a possibility to look into speaker’s eye doesn’t make him honest.
  • Okay, but there are a few assured signals to identify deluders combined strictly with eyes. Actually, if your subject is too much busy with them, you can finish the experiment and write down result: LIAR. Seriously. When your speaker is rubbing or just touching his eyes during the talk, his dishonesty is nearly sure. It is said that women usually touch places around them rather than eyes exactly but it means the same. Remember – poking your eyes out won’t make you able to separate from the consequences of being caught, even if you won’t see them!
  • Lies are awful to hear, we all know it… including liars! Yes, that’s another symptom of deception – descendants are holding their ears like their last resorts. It’s one of our most natural human gesture to express anxiety. If the person is gripping his ear time and again during your talk, beware yourself, he wants to hide the truth!
  • Let’s go back to our face. Do you know Pinocchio and his nose? It’s not only a fairy tale! In fact, when someone’s lying, his brain exhales catecholamines – they’re responsible for swelling the nervous tissues in the nose. In conjunction with higher blood pressure, it gives “Pinocchio effect”. Liar’s nose is hotter and starts to itching, so he needs to scratch it. You see? There is a grain of truth in every fiction.
  • But wait, where all those lies came from? Ah, the mouth! Perjurers also remember that and try to stop their lips from mumbling those horriblenesses. They can, for example, cover their mouths with hands. This reaction has its source in childhood – children are instinctively doing it after they lied. It can last for a split second (so it’s hard to notice it) or be turned for a deliberate action (eg. liar is pretending to have a cough). Other impulses to block the outcoming lies are touching lips or putting a finger into the mouth. This action refers to a newborn’s sucking reflex – it gives them the sense of safety which the lying person is missing. Finger can be replaced by a thing – a pen, a cigarette and so on.
  • Our body language doesn’t forget about neck! Deceiver feels overwhelmed and starts to choking because of pressure. He might try to loose his collar or just do something with it. If the speaker is touching or scratching his neck while talking, he is probably dishonest – this gesture means the person is feeling uncertain. Anyway, tampering with the neck doesn’t predict anything good.
  • As you see, liar touches almost everything… excepting you. Avoiding any physical contact or a nervous reaction to it are both suspicious. Even if you aren’t very close to each other it’s quite easy to notice it. Every single move of your hand (eg. to grab something) or step (eg. to take a thing from a shelf) causes visible fear in your speaker. He doesn’t have to shoot off, he can just jerk a little bit or follow you with his eyes anxiously. If someone’s accidentally trying to hide from you, he is likely to have something to withhold.
  • The posture has also its meaning. Confident people have straight back. A liar might think so but his subconscious isn’t possible to be misled – he can’t even be sure of what he’s saying because knows it’s not true. Hunching over is a way to isolate from spoken things – does anyone cut off from fair intentions?
  • Listen carefully to lies – not only to get their meaning but to… catch them! The style of speaking can show you a lot. How to detect mischief? Inarticulated thoughts, sentences cut off in their middle, stammering, speaking faster but with long pauses at the same time – these are typical symptoms of dishonesty. Voice is mostly deeper than usual, exceptionally it can be higher (it depends on the physiology of exact person) but anyway this change is remarkable. A number of details in the story also counts. An extensive story with lots of facts, especially unnecessary ones, is often imagined by the teller. He is trying to keep it reliable by building it step by step but in the result, he sounds totally unnatural. Let’s make it clear – when you’re talking about your day, do you mention the colour of your socks, zodiac sign of your neighbour and the brand of the cashier’s car?
  • Well, it’s quite known but I can’t skip it on this list. Cheater’s body is getting hotter so he starts to sweat. It’s not difficult to notice in the middle of winter but otherwise, you might be confused. However, the air surrounding you both is boiling enough to make the liar’s perspiration even higher than it’s normally possible.
  • I’ve already mentioned a lot of gestures typical for deceivers – do they really use all of their body parts nonstop while lying? Actually… not exactly but it’s also a signal for others. Liar is focused on speech composition that much, that he mostly forgets about spontaneous moves. In result, he doesn’t act much with his body, he also misses automatic reflexes. Lack of simple reactions like nodding or hand gesticulation is obvious – truth is combined with using them unconsciously. Even if he tries to act natural, it’s possible to make out his deception. Authentic gestures are instinctual and hard to pretend, they are completing spoken words. A characteristical feature of dishonesty is also no synchronicity between verbal and nonverbal signs –  body says yes, lips say no. For example, it might be nearly invisible nod while answering a question negatively. Sometimes it’s noticed by a liar and he is quickly making a gesture more fitting the situation but it can have an opposite effect and ensure others in his faithlessness. To sum it all up – you can try to string along everyone excepting… yourself.

That’s all you need to know about detecting false intentions of others. You see? It’s not that difficult. Remember just not to act paranoid and suspect everyone around you. Some people can simply stammer or sweat more than average, they might be stressed for many other reasons and it doesn’t determine their reliability. Keep your eyes wide open though – it’s pretty funny to use this skills and be the only one that isn’t charmed with stories of that handsome guy at the bar or jealous of your colleague holiday adventures. Look at that circus – it’s nice not to be a part of it, isn’t it?

Win the love game!

Sometimes it’s tricky, sometimes exciting, sometimes painful but it always is. Love. Unfortunately or not, relationships must be affected. It often requires time, commitment and lots of patience. Especially at the very beginning, when uncertainty is pleasantly teasing but can easily become annoying. How to allay your doubts and answer the eternal question “Is he/she attracted to me?” Come one, it’s simple. Yes, body talk speaks for itself. This is also the best way to treat with dissonant signals from your love interest. Trust me, it works. So, do you wanna know if this feeling flows both ways? Stop wondering- take things into your own hands! You must only watch the other person carefully and you can start your pursuit of happiness!

No wonder that we must talk separately about men and women. Although some of their reactions are equal, there are some differences between their body languages and ways of interpreting received signals. However, let’s focus on the most common signs of romantical interest:

Do you appeal to him? Is he interested?

  • The first thing you should notice is… his appearance. Is this obvious? Of course, but if he does any possible thing to make himself look better when you’re around, it’s pretty sure he likes you. It might be more or less spontaneous reaction – accidentally he’s straightening his back, stretching muscles or doing hair. Sometimes it’s that natural, it can be missed by other people. Try to catch it though, it’s one of the basic signals of interest – and you’ve wondered, why all of the guys are suddenly standing to attention when you’re entering the room…
  • Apart from looking good, men are also trying to impress their desired lady with their behaviour. How does a man act when their love interest is somewhere around? Instinct is ordering him to display. So he’s suddenly hitting the dancefloor, talking more, telling the best jokes ever, laughing out loud…  and meanwhile glancing at the real target of his performances. Of course, he’s undetectable, he’s looked just once… okay, twice… or ten times for past two minutes. But it’s not that hard to understand him, he’s got something great to look at…
  • Maybe let’s focus on that glances… Men are visualizers, that’s known for ages. So when one of them is attracted to a woman, he’s ogling her as often as possible. To be on the nose, he scrutinises her whole body, up and down. And when she’s looking at him… things probably won’t become more clear! What to search for when you’re looking at the face of your dream guy?  The main things to observe are eyebrows, are they rising as you glimpse? If so, awesome, he’s interested! You can also spot some amazement or admiration in his reactions. His facial expressions are hard to notice but it’s nothing big for a careful watcher or… you if you’re returning his sympathy.
  • Okay, let’s suppose you’re having an opportunity to stand close to each other. Is there anything to observe? Sure! His posture can tell you a lot. How does a man stand near a woman he’s attracted to? He turns himself to her! Not precisely enough? Look at his feet, they’re like a compass. If he’s pointing at you… well, lucky you!
  • What about sitting together, is his posture meaningful? Yes, the compass still works. What is more, it’s got two needles – feet are now supported by knees. This method is great when you’re both surrounded by other people. Look at the man’s position, especially, as mentioned above, at his feet and knees. No matter how many women are around, they’re always turned to that special one. Have you won this roulette?
  • Don’t forget that our body language includes voice. Does it change when a man is talking to the woman he likes? Of course! It’s mostly deeper, more attractive. He’s often also speaking quietly – he subconsciously wants her to come closer.
  • I’ve already mentioned that body language is a bit different for men and women, right? This point is something like a denial of it. Why? When one of them has only eyes for a certain lady, he’s copying… well, everything, even her gesture, to win her approval. He does the same moves, what is more, he is synchronising both of their reactions – like a mirror. Be careful then, if you ever hate some habits of your man, it might be… your habits.
  • Now a little tip that will help you detect a hunter looking for an adventure. What are his typical gestures and poses? If it’s possible he’s leaning against the wall. He’s also standing in a straddle position with thumbs in pockets or tucked into the belt, so he’s involuntary pointing at his crotch – instinctively he wants to pay women’s attention to it. I’m sure you know this type, even if you’ve never defined it this way. His body language is meaningful enough – better hurry up unless you want to be his next prey.

As you see, men aren’t very complex, are they? When a guy is affected in a lady, he shows it with his whole being. In an opposite situation, it’s quite more complicated – women are more cautious in catching signals and at the same time less obvious in sending them. What does it really mean? Well, there’s quite more stimulants but men are less likely to notice them – “He doesn’t seem interested in me, although I’ve sent lots of obvious messages…”, do you know this kind of thoughts? It’s very possible that he simply doesn’t consider those signals as symptoms of your interest. Don’t be mad at him, it’s nothing unusual. If you are a man, read carefully. It might solve all your problems about “what do women really think?” – it’s understandable that you are confused without this knowledge. The answer isn’t as complicated as it appears!

Are you her knight on a white charger? A lady in love alert:

  • At the beginning something similar for both men and women. The love compass pointing the special one is also working in this case  – I’ve already said about it in men’s section, so if you haven’t seen it, just scroll up a bit.
  • This point is the extension of previous one. Love compass in women’s edition has an additional point. A woman in presence of someone special to her might often stand on her tiptoes, wiggle her feet or do other things to blow the whistle on her legs. It’s important to spy out the direction of these swinging moves – it’s the needle of our compass.
  • Okay, let’s move to something specific only for ladies. “Sometimes a woman has experienced too much life to have any blush left in her cheeks, but the man who puts it there is someone not easily forgotten.” – D. Dark has written in “Five Weeks”. Actually, there’s nothing more to add. It’s always been something mentioned as characteristical for women – blushing as a reaction to a sight of their beloved. Nothing changed, if she looks at you with a flushing face, you can be nearly sure of her feelings.
  • Maybe you’ve heard or noticed that women are playing with their wisps to flirt with someone. Less known is the gesture of tilting head back to uncover face and neck. If you’ll watch carefully, you’ll recognise this move, it’s very characteristic. Interestingly ladies with short haircuts do it as well as those with longer ones, so it’s really not only because of such distress.
  • Generally, when a woman has in her sight someone that she wants to flirt with, she can’t sit in one place. She jiggles around, smartens herself up and discreetly (more discreetly than a man) runs her eyes over THAT someone. Sometimes it may seem like she’s in a big rush or tension – anyway no positive senses. In fact, it’s quite opposite, it’s a jolly ticking of thousand butterflies, that don’t let her calm down.
  • As Marylin Monroe said, “A smile is the best makeup a girl could wear”. The biggest value it has definitely in nonverbal communication. A true grin makes every face brighter and prettier, it’s visible instantly for everyone around. What it has in common with our “lady in love alert”? Actually… everything! Yes, it’s another sign of her interest – she smiles from cheek to cheek, laughs from every not funny joke and is noticeable… happy, simply happy. Maybe you can even picture that kind of smile in your imagination. If you have a (girl)friend that is always cheerful and grins while being around you, if she is the only one splitting her sides when you tell another groan, well… be proud of yourself – you are someone special to her, you bring all that shine to her face. Don’t forget to appreciate it.
  • Have you ever wondered about the reason for wearing jewellery? Is it only the matter of good looking, do we, as humans, like to shine? Well, everyone can mention another point and all of them will be somehow reasonable but this is an article about body language, so I’ll stick with it. Yes, it’s also got its meaning in the nonverbal love game. I’m pretty sure you know what I mean, it’s characteristical for women to play with their earrings, necklace, bracelet, watch… And it’s kinda hypnotising. What is it done for? I don’t really know but I suppose it’s not to show off new/expensive/luxurious/new&expensive&luxurious things. But before you name it pointless think about glimpses all of those dazed males.
  • Let’s move to a little less subtle signals. It might be contentious but it’s scientifically proven, take it with a pinch of salt though. What is the first thing among those more spicy ones? A woman while being close to her favourite guy often does quite evident things – like looking at him with moist, slightly opened lips (sometimes she licks them too) or rubbing cylindrical shaped items. I know, what you could have thought after reading this: wait… what?! Before you accuse me of misogyny, sexism and lots of other atrocities (well, I’m rather a feminist, to be honest) enable me to explain it closely – I’m sure that you will see the point and be more likely to agree with this fact. So… these aren’t such rude, obscene actions, as you may suppose. Actually, for us, people, no matter what sex, they are very intuitive, that much, that it’s hard to recognise them. We take it so naturally, nearly unnoticed and for sure not even consider them as sexual but our subconscious… oh yeah, they really do, fortunately for us – it’s a big help. We can’t completely cut ourselves of our primal instincts, they’re still in us, despite we don’t always feel them and also don’t know how and when they work. Hmm… Darwin definitely had something in his mind, hadn’t he?
  • One of other more sensual stimulant, as I already mentioned in the point above, is rubbing things in a way correlating to sexual intercourses. For example, it can be caressing glass up and down or playing with a ring. These are very automatic actions, both for women and watching them men but it’s possible to notice them while being concentrated. It can be a bit hard to use the mind in that kind of situations though.
  • Smoking ladies may be considered as rude or sexy, depending on personal convictions and taste. However, it’s difficult to deny that the action itself can be seductive – just look at Audrey Hepburn and other female icons from last century. Those women with undeniable class have been so magnetising and tempting with a cigarette close to lips or breathing the smoke out. This is still actual, a flirting woman is likely to coquette her love interest like that – if she is smoking of course. Overlooking the man’s opinion about nicotine, it’s nearly impossible for him to be indifferent to the sight of a lady pouting her lips, putting a cigarette to mouth and breathing the smoke off. It’s just sexy – certainly done relevant and, first of all, by a suitable person.
  • Last thing to seek if you wonder whether she’s interested in you or not. When a woman is close to the man, that she wants to be touched by, she is tending to start… doing it herself. This is not because of a terrible neck or leg stiffness. Probably it’s a dream of you doing it the same way.

And? It’s not that hard to find out real thoughts and feelings of your beautiful and mysterious angel, is it? The keywords are emotions – if you’ll learn to find them out, you’ll win. As you can see, they’re about to be written on the face, in gesture, in eyes. Her whole body seems to be moving as close to this special man, as it’s only possible. An attracted girl is doing lots of things to less or more consciously fascinate her chosen one. Even the most covert and/or self-possessed women can’t control all of the mentioned reactions – lots of them are done by instinct and sometimes not considered as signals of interest by ladies themselves. I hope this short cheat sheet will clarify some of your doubts or give some new, interesting information – both for you men and women, have you found any of your habits or reactions? Maybe you didn’t notice them before the lecture of this article? And don’t be mad at me because of such simplifying our nature – I’ve had only good intentions, some nature laws are undeniable and it’s easier to our dear guys to imagine and find visible things than feelings. Remember to take it a bit humorous.

Lovers are also having a body talk with each other

There are some more very important things to mention but it affect both man and woman, so I’ve decided to separate it.

  • What happens when the feeling is reciprocated but they don’t know it yet? The answer is deep in their eyes. One look and everything’s clear. It’s not another dumb, romantic spiel. It’s just next fact about body language. The pupils of their eyes dilate and they blink much faster. And now they both know. It doesn’t appear only at the beginning, in long term relationships too. Sometimes it’s called “to look at each other with love” – it’s more than a figurative expression.
  • Another important body reaction – have you heard that when you’re close to your loved one, your heartbeats are synchronised? Is it a kind magic or just psychology? You must answer it yourself.

Everyone wants his feelings to be returned. Unfortunately, it’s not always like this. So, what signs are suggesting you that this is won’t be a happy end? Read the list below carefully to find it out. But maybe you haven’t got any love interest yet and you are searching for someone nice to meet, ask for a date? A problem might appear when you aren’t sure if that person agreed on your proposal being unbidden or only because of mercy/politeness/no way to decline. The solution might also be included in the next list. Actually, it can be combined with every situation, not only the romantic ones – it’s good to simply know it and quickly detect the speaker’s real thoughts about us. Let’s count a few most common and easy to notice reactions of bored, annoyed and generally not interested in you people:

My lips couldn’t say no… so now my body does!

  • Let’s start with something quite easy to understand – a little warm up. No matter how well someone pretends to be interested, this innocent and normal (at the first sight) gesture can in a moment show the truth. Tap. Tap. Tap. Have you already guessed? Yeah… tapping fingers on the table (mostly table). Although a wide smile is on the face, such a small thing can cover it completely. Well, this is not the sign of joy and having fun. Someone who is tapping his fingers all the time during your meetings is bored, irritated and doesn’t feel good next to you. And he has surely lost his train of thoughts once upon a time…
  • I suppose, that you’ve at least once heard about “closed posture” –  it’s the most popular and known pose in nonverbal communication, so there’s no need to explain it here – generally it’s separating from speaker or speakers. But there’s one part that, to my knowledge, is often not mentioned and not everyone pays attention to it. Mostly, people are talking about standing in that position, sitting is less discussed (or maybe it’s my impression). Anyway, when you wonder if the person sitting next to you is calm and friendly to you or maybe doesn’t want to be nearby, have any closer relation, look at legs, especially when they’re crossed. Can you see the inside of his thigh (left leg is turned to you)? Good, he is open for a talk, feels comfortable and calm. So if you can’t see it (his right leg is on your side) he’s isolating from you, doesn’t want to spend time or have a closer relation with you. When someone’s additionally holding his legs to make them still, motionless – he’s trying to hold back from talking but it doesn’t have to be combined with you (although it’s very possible). And you, how do you turn to others?
  • How to quickly find out if your speaker wants to have this talk with you? Look at his words origin – mouth. Jaw or lips clenching shows clearly that he is in no mood to do this, at least right now. It may also mean some kind of disapprobation, so it’s good to find out his true opinion of what you said. He often bites his lips or has them already very beaten? It means he often stops himself from saying something. Maybe it’s better?
  1. Who likes to be bored? Sometimes this feeling can even turn into aggression. And it makes us… kick the air. That’s right, I’m sure you’ve ever begun to act this way in a very hated place and you know what is it like. It doesn’t have to be any mortal combat, mostly it’s rather quietly, low feet swinging, possibly hidden from others, eg. under the table. If you’ll ever notice anyone fighting with this very demanding opponent it’s not a positive opinion about you – for me, it’s forever combined to the worst places I’ve been forced to stay.
  • To precisely identify emotions of other person don’t forget about the importance of his body tension. It can totally change the meaning of given signals. For example, crossed arms are the gesture of somebody relaxed and laidback but supported by general overstrain of his muscles are the sign of stress, discomfort.

Some people have their hearts on their sleeves, other are politely undemonstrative but a careful watcher always can catch at least one sudden expression of their real feelings. Human’s body language is impossible to be completely regulated – sometimes we aren’t even conscious of showing our true colours.

We are finally done with that flirting and relationships matters. Actually, as for me, those are the most unconscious moves, very connected with our primal instincts. Have you found any of mentioned actions or reactions in yourself? Isn’t it a pleasure to explore yourself and think about the origin of instinctual reactions? It seems to be just a few most common signs of romantic interest from our extensive and fascinating body language… but in fact, we’ve got them quite a lot on all of the lists! In my opinion, it’s enough to become the best player in the love game of your life. Don’t forget that any of mentioned signals or reactions can never appear (but he/she is interested in you anyway), got some different reason and meaning (depends on the person) or be misinterpreted by you (as well as imagined). I know it’s sometimes difficult to be calm when you are not sure of his/her feelings but try – for your own good! Emotions and impatience can make things worse. However, I keep my fingers crossed for all of the readers that are trying to affect a relationship!

How to find some differences between true and fake self-confidence?

Now it’s the time to say a few words about confidence. Many poses or gesture are incorrectly defined as signs of being sure, as much again are often missed. It’s quite constantly to see someone as a person with lots of tenacity while in fact, he is feeling very unsure. These are a few most common ways in nonverbal communication to show true confidence:

  • stride, vigorous walk
  • low voice
  • talking slowly with quite long pauses (no fear of being disturbed)
  • putting hands out wide or on hips
  • straighten (but not tense) back
  • looking straight ahead
  • cheerful face expression

These are NOT confidence signs:

  • putting hands in pockets – often taken as being chilled (so also feeling sure) but it means rather a negligence or even being nervous, hiding something
  • making lots of dynamic gestures – considered as a symptom of leadership, faith in spoken things meanwhile shows either being in panic or stress and self-disbelief, convincing listeners to own words
  • doing lots of moves – misinterpreted as being powerful (so also confident) but in fact, being sure is at the same time being calm, still
  • taking up much room – it’s said that it’s combined with self-possession, actually, it is a way of trying to hide insecurity

 

Common myths about body language

Lots of things are said about nonverbal communication but are them all true? Of course not! Those fake information are often shared from one to another though, so it makes uncountable myths recognised by people as facts. Moreover, body language is not completely investigated, every new research brings out more and more conclusions and doubts previous results. It makes some of the well-known aspects out of date but some people are still repeating them and considering as true. Let’s debunk some of the popular myths:

  • Crossed arms ALWAYS mean isolation.
    Wrong! I’ve already brought this thing up in this article. It’s true that it often combines with “closed pose” but it doesn’t have to. As I said somewhere above, this gesture can be a sign of being relaxed and chilled. Another purpose of keeping arms crossed is to make someone shy or unsure feel more confident, so he wants to be opened for people but it’s quite more difficult for him. As you see, this gesture can follow various of emotions.
  • It’s impossible to control your body language
    Well, maybe you can’t have it under a full control but, at the same time, it doesn’t mean you can’t have it at all. You must only be aware of at least basic mechanisms of nonverbal communication to start learn how to use it. Naturally, it doesn’t come without any time and effort but it’s worth to aim.
  • 7%-38%-55% – this is ALWAYS true!/93% of information is in nonverbal communication!
    Do you know this theory? It’s about receiving information – 7% of intention is in words, 38% in voice and 55% in body language. The original one, formulated by Albert Mehrabian, is about dissociable communicates – only this kind, so when someone says “I’m not angry” but his voice and gesture denies it. As well as it’s might be somehow right, over the years people misinterpreted it and shared with others in many wrong versions. So remember – this works only when you are talking face-to-face and you receive different, not matching each other signals. If it was always true, it should be possible – for example – to mute sound while watching a film and still understand 93% of its plot.
  • Rolling the eyes helps to detect lies!
    Another repeated myth about body language. It alludes to functions of our cerebral hemispheres – right is responsible for creative thinking (but controls left half of body) and left is responsible for logical thinking (but controls right half of body). According to this train of thought, looking right is a sign of reminding real actions, looking left means making them up – lying. Although there aren’t any reliable researches proving this connection – there are some debunking though – many people, even specialists, claim it’s true.

 

A few advices before the end

Resuming, body language affects our communication and relations in many various fields. It’s not appreciated enough at the same time. Better understand of given and received signs is a step forward to a better life. It’s not an overstatement. Have you known how many messages do you send without words? And this is only a tiny part of the whole theme, only the beginning of exploring this mystery. Be careful though, it’s not a logical science, so there aren’t any certain and ultimate schemes. Everything mentioned here you should take as a suppose – reactions can be as different, as all people around the world and these are only noticed findings. Obsession about controlling every single move, gesture, face expression isn’t anything good either. Try to improve your attendance to match it to the situation but remember not to focus too much on actions and reactions, it’ll make you unnatural – better stay as you are than act too fake. Body language is still a tool to communicate, so manipulation isn’t anything that should be respected, so avoid doing it and keep your eyes wide open at the same time – it’s not said that your speaker doesn’t know anything about nonverbal communication and won’t use his knowledge against you. As you see, these are such powerful things.  Used wisely can really help but they can make also lots of damage instead. I hope that this article will help you to recognise some common reactions and encourage you to get some more information – the whole world of body language is your oyster.

 

Skill Development: 6 Tips to Practice a Skill Effectively

What Happens When You Practice?

When you practice, you use your skills and you build on them. You start to break boundaries, the ones you swore you’d “never be able to do”; you push past your old edge and start playing around new ones. Simply put, you get better with practice. Oh, and you look like a genius on the side.
Practice is intoxicating, brilliantly simple and simply brilliant and truly the best antidote for a dip in motivation. It empowers and enables. It reminds you that building a skill is difficult but not impossible. Practice makes things possible. Practice opens doors but only — and not a minute sooner than — when you are ready for it.
A consistent and regular practice has more of an exponential than a linear effect. If you practice your dance weekly, you advance very slowly over time but if you practice it daily, the jump is not linear. It is exponential — in other words, it’s a big jump, a huge jump, the kind of jump that makes the difference between good and great, mediocre and magnificent.
And practice rewards handsomely in all instances. It does not care about the state of the economy, your business or even your relationships. When you practice something — anything — you improve, you grow, you advance, you gain a skill and heaps of confidence to boot.
On the scale of good to great, I have stumbled on these moments of progress in my yoga journey  — things I thought I’d never be able to do are now part of my regular practice. What beautiful proof to believe that practice pays in abundance.
As human beings, we’re accustomed to being good at what we do. Learning something new is hard, especially at the beginning when we’re likely to struggle and make mistakes.  The reality is, the only way to learn something new is to practice. Yet practicing can be difficult and painful when we’re used to having a high degree of competence. Perhaps this is why most of us are resistant to the idea of practice. Many of us believe that intellectual understanding is enough, that all they need to do is read about something or discuss it in order to be able to do it well. But we know that skill development is vital.
While it may be true that there are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going, there certainly are ways of needlessly prolonging the journey. We often waste lots of time because nobody ever taught us the most effective and efficient way to practice. Whether it’s learning how to code, improving your writing skills, or playing a musical instrument, practicing the right way can mean the difference between good and great. So let me point out 6 tips to practice more efficiently:

1. Acknowledge the Challenge

Most of us generally have the intellectual capacity to quickly grasp concepts and ideas, which can lead us to mistakenly believe we also know how to execute on them right away. The reality is that we don’t – not until we practice, get feedback, refine our approach, and practice again – for somewhere between 20 and 10,000 hours. This is hard to do. Learning something new means being clumsy at it initially, making mistakes, course-correcting, and trying again. It’s uncomfortable. And even when we know the skill is valuable, it often makes our work more difficult at first, causing many leaders to stop trying new things and revert to old habits. Be honest about the difficulty of learning something new, especially when you’re in a leadership role. Expect mistakes. Celebrate effort and risk-taking rather than expertise and skill level. Create a culture where leaders are rewarded for trying new things and building new skills, even when their early attempts are less-than-perfect.

2. Go step by step

Trying to do too much at once often leads to failure and demotivates us from moving forward. Training often includes information on many different behaviors, approaches, skills, and techniques.  We should know that it isn’t possible to practice and master all of them at one time. We should choose one or two things in the beginning that have a high potential for enhancing our work, and focus our practice on just those things – at least to start. Once we get hold of these then we can move forward to newer things.

3. Commit to a schedule

Commit time every week – ideally every day – for practice. Block time on the calendar.  Minimize distractions, and work on skill development as seriously as you would on any other project. You might even create a project plan with deadlines and deliverables.
Don’t trust your memory: Use a practice notebook. Plan out your practice, and keep track of your practice goals and what you discover during your practice sessions. The key is getting into the ‘flow’ when practicing. Build a routine in your daily life so that you don’t even have to remind yourself do it.

4. Smarter, not harder

When things aren’t working, sometimes we simply have to practice more. And then there are times when it means we have to go in a different direction. Instead of stubbornly persisting with a strategy that clearly isn’t working, force yourself to stop. Brainstorm solutions to the problem for a day or two, and write down ideas as they occur to you. When you have a list of some promising solutions, start experimenting. You can also leverage tools and materials in the program. Most training programs include opportunities for practice – action learning projects, individual action planning guides, cases, role plays, etc. Use them as much as you can – individually or in study groups or with partners. These can be extremely helpful for practice, even outside of the program.
 

5. Stay on target with a problem-solving model

It’s extraordinarily easy to drift into mindless practice mode. Keeping yourself on task can be very hectic once you are into the practice. Keep practice sessions limited to a duration that allows you to stay focused. This may be as short as 10-20 minutes, and as long as 45-60+ minutes. Also, keep track of times during the day when you tend to have the most energy. This may be first thing in the morning, or right before lunch. Try to do your practicing during these naturally productive periods, when you are able to focus and think most clearly. At such times you can use the following 6-step problem-solving model below to keep yourself more focused and on target:
  • Define the problem. (What result did I just get? What do I want? Am I getting the results I want?)
  • Analyze the problem. (What is causing results to deviate from expected results?)
  • Identify potential solutions. (What can I tweak to make it more like I want?)
  • Test the potential solutions and select the most effective one. (What tweaks seem to work best?)
  • Implement the best solution. (Reinforce these tweaks to make the changes permanent.)
  • Monitor implementation. (Do these changes continue to produce the results I’m looking for?
What to do in your naturally unproductive times? I say take a guilt-free nap.
 

6. Create Practice Partnerships and Consider Coaching

Work with colleagues to hold each other accountable for practice. Practice partnerships are also a great way to get feedback on your development. Having a practice partner can help you big time when practicing a new skill. You both can remind each other to stick to the schedule and give each other feedback. Sometimes we need more support than can be offered by practice partners. In these cases, a coach can be extremely useful. A good coach will help you create a plan, offer feedback, and help you stay accountable to your own goals.
Making a commitment to practice is essential to maximize the impact of training. After all, practice is the only way to become proficient in a new skill or behavior. We need to embrace the discomfort of being beginners in order to continue to grow and improve.

How to Wake Up Early Feeling Great!

Most of us know at least a couple of people who could be considered “early risers,” people who naturally get up early and are revved and ready to start the day. Chances are, though, that if you’re watching this, you’re not one of them. That’s okay though! Despite what you might think, just about anyone can change their habits so that they can wake up early feeling great.

There are really two aspects to feeling great when you wake up in the morning. The first is feeling good physically. If you’re waking up groggy and hitting the snooze button, it’s going to be rough morning and that’s no good. Ideally you want to wake up alert and energized from a night of quality sleep so you can get up and moving easily. The second aspect is feeling good mentally. The goal is to feel positive and optimistic about the day when you wake up rather than starting the day by groaning at the sound of your alarm.

A disclaimer is in order here. While these tips will get you to a place where you can wake up feeling good and ready to start your day, it might be tough in the beginning. Some people will adjust to waking up early in just a few days, but it could take a week or two for others. If you stick with it, though, being an early bird will start to come naturally and you’ll feel great right after waking.

               So, when you make the decision to become an early riser, the first step is to form a routine. Without it, it’ll be harder to feel good when you get up early because it won’t feel natural to your body. When it is routine, your body will get used to getting up at the set time and will be cooperative with earlier waking. Make a commitment to wake up at the same time every day for three weeks to a month. Yes, even on weekends. I know, I know. That might sound rough for some people, but it’ll help significantly if you really want waking up early to feel great. When you get up at the same time every day, your body notices the pattern and begins to respond. Eventually, you’ll probably even wake up at that time without an alarm set because your body will become accustomed to that schedule and naturally start to wake up then. Once you’ve gotten into this routine, you can sleep in now and then and it won’t affect how you feel on early mornings so much, but while forming the routine it’s be best to be consistent and stick with getting up early every day.

One thing that can help make this easier is keeping your curtains or blinds open or switching to an option that allows more light through them. Your body has what is called a “circadian rhythm” which acts like an internal clock. It receives cues from the external environment and reacts accordingly. The body naturally wants to be awake when the sun is out and asleep when it’s dark, so if you wake up in a dark room it’ll be tougher to get moving. If the sun is streaming in, your body will recognise that it’s time to be awake and getting up will physically feel easier. If you’re able to keep the blinds or curtains open in your bedroom, making the adjustment to waking up early will be easier for your body and you’ll get used to your new routine a bit faster than if your room is dark every morning. This tip depends on the time of year and the time you intend to get up, though, as the sunrise is later during some months and you may be getting up before it. For most of the year, though, you’ll get at least a bit of light and even a bit is helpful.

Another habit that will make waking up early feel better is going to bed only when you’re tired. Many of us make the decision to go to bed earlier if we know we’ll be getting up early so that we have enough hours allotted for sleep, but going to bed before we’re ready means we might not actually fall asleep for a while. Tossing and turning because you’re trying to force yourself to sleep is miserable and isn’t helping you at all so just go to bed when you start feeling sleepy. At first it might be later than you’d prefer and, yes, that could mean fewer hours of sleep and a tough morning. But then you’ll get tired earlier the following night which will lead to an easier waking the next morning. And since you got up early, you’ll get tired earlier again. You start setting a new cycle for your body where it naturally wants to sleep at a time that works well with when you wake up and getting out of bed in the morning starts to feel easy because it’s when your body is finished resting. It’s important to note that you might not be getting the commonly quoted “8 hours” of sleep, but they aren’t necessary; being in a consistent routine will allow you to feel energized with fewer hours.

Diet is a consideration that can also make a difference in your sleep and in how you feel when you wake. Changing your diet may be more commitment than you’d like to make, but if you’re serious about becoming a morning person, it’s worth it to try a couple of adjustments. First, eat lighter in the evening and at night. When you go to bed with a full stomach, your body is working to digest all that food while also trying to rest. That means that you might not feel as recharged when you wake up because of the energy put into digestion during the night. Try eating a smaller, lighter meal or having dinner earlier so that your stomach isn’t full when you go to bed. If you like to snack at night time, fruits and vegetables are best but a few crackers or some popcorn would be okay too. Just keep it light so your body has less to process while you’re sleeping and you can wake up feeling fully rested.

There are also some specific things you should avoid consuming, especially later in the day. Alcohol is an important one. While alcoholic drinks might make you feel sleepy, they can actually negatively impact the quality of your sleep. Alcohol tends to make falling asleep easier initially, but it reduces the amount of time spent in REM phase. REM, which stands for “rapid eye movement,” is the part of our sleep cycle that is most restorative so if you don’t spend enough time in it you’ll probably wake up feeling somewhat unrested. When your REM sleep is disrupted for even just one night, the following night—or nights—can be affected since your body will try to catch up on the time it’s meant to spend in REM.

Caffeinated drinks like tea and coffee should also be avoided, since their stimulant properties can affect your sleep cycle in a few ways. Since coffee is known to help increase alertness, it’s obvious that it can make it difficult to fall asleep. This results in fewer total hours of sleep. Caffeine can also cause you to get fewer hours of deep sleep which will also affect how well-rested you feel when you wake up. Chocolate, especially dark varieties, can also impact your sleep. Though it contains much less caffeine than coffee or tea, it also contains a compound called theobromine that has similar effects. If you must get your coffee or chocolate fix, try to keep them earlier in the day—or six hours from bedtime at the very least. For those who like to have a tea in the evening, switch it out for an herbal blend with no caffeine.

Once you’ve taken these steps to wake up more energized, early mornings will start to feel good to your body. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be happy about it when you start out. You might not really want to get out of bed even if you feel awake, maybe because getting ready for work isn’t appealing or you’re unhappy about leaving your cozy bed. Taking steps to make waking up a more joyful experience will help make you feel great all around when you wake up early.

Since waking up earlier won’t come naturally at first, setting an alarm is going to be pretty unavoidable. But hearing some variation of a screeching beep isn’t particularly conducive to a good mood. Fortunately, that part of having an alarm can be avoided. If you use your cell phone as an alarm clock, you can choose just about anything other sound to play instead. Why not pick a song that makes you smile so you’ll wake up to something that makes you feel happy? It’s not a good idea to choose your favourite song, since it’s still going to be waking you up and that’s probably not an association you want to make if the process is hard in the beginning. But if you can think of a song that you’re not too attached to but that has a bouncy, fun sound, it’ll be helpful to hear first thing in the morning.

One thing that’s great for getting into a good mood and easy to squeeze in before leaving you bed is a bit of deep breathing. Deep breathing is known have countless benefits including inducing a calm mindset, improving circulation, and easing some bodily discomforts, among other things. It also increases serotonin levels which will help you feel happy right away. While lying in bed, take a deep belly breath and notice your abdomen rise; feel it fall again as you exhale slowly. Imagine each inhalation filling you with energy and joy. Even just spending a minute or two doing this simple breathing exercise can get you feeling positive about the day ahead of you. You can also repeat it at bedtime, but instead of imagining that you’re becoming energized with each inhale, imagine your body becoming more relaxed and drowsy as you exhale.

Our final idea to help you with a good mood when you wake up early is to make sure your morning routine is one that you enjoy, or that you at least don’t dread. If you wake up with all the things you have to do but don’t want to do on your mind, you won’t be feeling good at all. Take a look at your morning routine and figure out which parts you don’t like doing. Some people, especially those with longer hair, might hate showering in the morning. If you can, switch to showering in the evening so your hair is dry and ready to be styled when you get up. Some people find breakfast to be an annoyance to figure out and prepare. In this instance, you can plan some options that require minimal effort or cook something in the evening that can be quickly re-heated when you’re ready for breakfast. Just shifting a task or two that you don’t like can make your morning feel less daunting and will allow you hold onto a good mood all morning.

With so many ways to get you feeling great when you wake up early, anyone can become a morning person. Sure, it’s not without some effort and planning, but it’s doable, and once you get into the habit of it, it’s easy. Give a few of these ideas a try and see how great you feel waking up with the sun.

How to Tell if you’re in a Psychologically Abusive Relationship

Let’s begin by defining ABUSE.  If I ask you to tell me which are the first thoughts that come to your mind when thinking about abuse, images related to explicit violence will probably be the first ones to emerge. Well, that wouldn’t be wrong but here we’re talking about something much more complex.

To help us understand, this is a definition of abuse that I put together to make it as simple and short as possible:

WHAT IS ABUSE? an ongoing behavior from one person to subjugate another person by using aggressive strategies. What did I just said?

I’ll explain a little further.

Think for a moment of any strategy game you like: Age of Empires, Warcraft, Monopoly (I know, that depends on your age, right?)

In these games, everything is about HOW!  How you plan to conquer your goal, how you put that into practice, how soon, how often, for how long.

Well, that is what a strategy is about.  And when talking about relationships, and specifically about abusive relationships, what makes them different is how they develop.

The abuser has a specific goal: to take away a partners FREEDOM and LIBERTY.  Without those, she or he has total power and control over the partner’s life.

NO FREEDOM AND NO LIBERTY FOR YOU.  MORE CONTROL AND MORE POWER FOR HIM/HER.

In other words, DO WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO AND DO IN THE WAY I WANT YOU TO DO IT!

Now, I think that the best wat to introduce you to this topic is through several questions. So, here is my list of FAQs.

Is physical abuse the same that psychological abuse?

The answer is NO.  First of all, let me point this out: physical abuse always includes psychological abuse as a side effect but not the other way around.  A man or a woman person subjected to domestic violence will certainly have his body integrity affected as well as emotional traumas. But, someone who is being psychologically abused might have or have not visible mark.  The difference, then, is in the nature of the action.

So, you can be in a psychological abusive relationship (I’ll call it P.A.R. from now on) without any sign of physical mistreatment.  No body pain, no injuries, no pushes, no bruises at all.

Does it make it less serious than the other?

NO!  Both of them are painful, unhealthy and they can leave long time residual effects and traumas on the victim. Mental and emotional abuse is as harmful and noxious as physical violence and, sometimes, it can even be worse.

How do I know if I’m in a psychological abusive relationship?

It’s usually easier to recognize a situation when you’re an observer.  Imagine for one moment that you are locked in a cage.  You don’t feel good nor comfortable.  You feel sad and you want to escape but you don’t know how.  So, you begin to look carefully at your cage.  You try to find flaws and imperfections.  You think of a way out.  You turn around many times to see if there is a new alternative that you didn’t see before.  You can spend 5 hours and thinking and forcing the cage and you’ll probably get the same ideas that in the first 5 minutes and you’ll be more tired and stressed.   So, it will get harder to have new ideas or make a good decision by that time.

But, if you’re outside the box and it’s a friend of yours who is locked, you’ll will have a completely different point of sight.  You’ll be capable of contemplate the whole picture: the measures of the cage, the inclination, the materials outside, all the possible obstacles when trying to escape, your friends height and weight and you can even help with any tool you find nearby.  Apart from that, you won’t be as worried and nervous as your friend inside.  So, you will be able to think clearly.

Get the general idea?  You can recognize you’re in a P.A.R. as soon as it begins or you can realize about it long after that.  Or…you can have the feeling that something is wrong but not be sure about exactly what is wrong until someone tells you’re in a P.A.R.

It’s usually the people outside the P.A.R. that is capable of realizing the gravity of the situation and they’ll probably help you to find some ways out and the amount of potential and value that you have.

The more involved and the longer you’re in a P.A.R., the more confusing and the hardest it will be for you to find a way out.  But not impossible at all!  Ever!!

Can this kind of abuse happen to anyone?

YES.  Psychological abuse is not a question of intelligence, education or economical socioeconomic status.  It can happen to anyone but, the key point here is: TOLERANCE AND TIME.

Want me to explain a little bit more?

You’re going out with a girl and everything seems to be going on wheels.  A few days later after you first date, she texts you and aggressive message asking why are you online and who are you chatting with?   You talk to her, say that you don’t like that kind of reactions and everything seems to be alright and understood.  A week after that, you’re out having some dinner and she suddenly gets furious and claims that a girl next table is staring at you.  So, it’s obvious to her that you were provoking that woman sitting over there.  Dinner is spoiled and your whole night too.  Maybe you forget about that night and agree to give another try.  Now, this time, the situation has a twist.  She’s not jealous.  But, when you’re sharing a tender moment, she begins talking about her ex-boyfriend and how strong and intelligent and handsome he was.    Romantic environment is gone in the blink of an eye.

And that means: GAME OVER!  Enough for you.

Now try to think the exactly same situation but, this time, when the romantic environment is gone, you feel frustrated, you both have a fight, she asks you to forgive her and you finally do so.  Time goes by and similar conflictive situations happen over and over again.  You wait, you forgive, you expect her to be different, you put up with it.

So, which is the main difference among those examples?  HOW LONG AND HOW MUCH YOU TOLERATE. That is what differentiate a healthy or unhealthy way of dealing with a toxic relationship.

Am I susceptible of being involved in a P.A.R.?

As I mentioned before, anyone can meet and start dating an abusive partner.  If you are capable of quickly detecting warning alarms and set limits, you’ll be fine and out of trouble soon enough.

But that depends a lot on several aspects of your personality:  VULNERABILITY, DEPENDENCE, GUILT LEVEL, FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE and so on.  To sum up: LOW SELF-ESTEEM men and women are more vulnerable to get involved and maintain this kind of relationships.

Can I recognize an abusive person at first sight?

PROBABLY NOT.   Abusive persons are not always evidently aggressive or show themselves in public the same way they do when being with their partners. They are usually far from being crazy or violent and they can even have a charming personality that makes everyone around fall in love with them.  When meeting someone like that, you’ll feel the same way.  However, they are not perfect and little signs of alarm start appearing very soon.

IMPORTANT! Usually, abusive relationships begin with small things, with time and confidence, they escalate and turn into bigger ones.  So, basically, abuse can also be extremely subtle.

How should I feel if I’m involved in a P.A.R.?

When you’re in a healthy relationship, happiness is the prevailing feeling.  Maybe not all the time, but most of it.

When you’re in a P.A.R, the prevailing emotions are CONFUSSION, ANGUISH, SADNESS, FEAR, ANXIETY, NERVOUSNESS.  You can have still experience some good moments but they will be much less than the negatives ones.  The relationship can affects other aspects of your daily life and you can even get depressed and don’t be able to find any sense in waking up or living.

Are there any usual behaviors or statements to recognize a P.A.R.?

YES. Here are just some (not all!) of the most frequent habits and statements used by an abuser.

  • MANIPULATION

There are so many ways to manipulate but, in an abusive relationship, they will all have one purpose: to make you feel insecure and, therefore, to make you do what she/he wants you to do.

  • Your partner constantly tells you about the horde of people who are attracted to her/him.
  • Another typical situation is that he tells you he’s going to call you today at 6 pm. It’s 6 pm, 6.30, 7, 8, 9 and know nothing about her/him.  You send a text but there’s no answer back.  When you finally get to talk, she/he plays mysterious.

What do you think happened?  She / He did that on purpose to have you thinking about that all the time and to make you imagine all the possibilities why she/he is not calling you.

  • Verbal manipulation has a central role in this kind of relationships. As we all know, the meaning of a sentence is given not only by the words used, but also by the tone of voice, the emphasis and the gestures that come with it.

Listen to the difference in this sentence:

“I can’t concentrate at work because of you” (I’m thinking about you, I’m in love with you?

““I can’t concentrate at work because of you” (you’re driving me mad, you’re responsible if I make a mistake in my job)

Do you see?  The words are exactly the same but the meaning of the sentence is totally different.  The first one intends to make you happy and the second one tries to make you feel guilty and sad.  The last one is manipulative.

The problem with all of this is that, over time, confusion arises and you can begin doubting about yourself and have trouble at differentiating if what he/she tells you is right or wrong.

  • INTIMIDATION

This is the best to create dependency because intimidation causes fear.  And fear causes submission.  So, if you begin feeling threatened by your couple, you should be careful because that means the relationship is coming to another new (and dangerous) level.

Some usual statements:

  • We do what I say we do
  • You don’t know what can happen to you if you do that…
  • I’ll kill myself if you leave me
  • You can’t leave me alone
  • I’m doing this for your own good
  • You’re misunderstanding everything!

 

  • JEALOUSY

The lack of trust in you and the possibility of you being unfaithful are always there, even if it’s her/him who behaves suspiciously or lies.

Some usual statements:

  • Why is that girl/guy looking at you?
  • What have you done to provoke her/him?
  • You’re dressed like a whore
  • Stop seducing everyone
  • You should wear less provocative clothes

 

  • HUMILIATION AND DEPRECIATION

This is one of the worst things about abusive relationships because it points straightly to your self-esteem.  If the person who is supposed to love you more keeps telling you how little you’re worth, you’ll probably end up believing that sooner or later.  And, once you have such a low concept of yourself, you’ll feel too weak and fragile to stand strong and defend your beliefs:

Some examples of daily life humiliation are:

  • She / He calls you names and say hurtful things
  • Your partner constantly criticizes what you do, emphasizes your “mistakes”, and makes you feel useless and worthless
  • She / He depreciate you in front of other

Some usual statements:

  • You’re so stupid!
  • You’re nothing without me
  • You can’t’ think by yourself
  • You embarrass me
  • Shut up. What do you know about that?!
  • You’re such a disappointment
  • What makes you think you know?
  • Don’t pay attention to him/her
  • He / She’s kind of slow/ too dramatic / too sensitive
  • At least I have a serious job

This can lead you to become too confuse to distinguish what is right or wrong.  You’ll probably be mistaken anyway according to your partner’s point of view!

  • CONTROL 24/7

Your partner tries to be in control of your whole life.  This is probably happening in a progressive way, beginning with small and apparently inoffensive questions until you’re supposed to ask for permission or have his/her approval before doing anything.

Remember that control can even get private things like managing your finances, telling what to do with your money or how to spend it.

Some usual sentences:

  • Where have you been all this long?
  • Has anyone called you?
  • Why didn’t you ask me before taking that decision?
  • You should ask me first
  • Send me a photo of where you are
  • Why did you buy that?
  • You should ask me before spending your money

You’re the guilty one!

You become responsible for all of your partners failures, mistakes and, basically, anything that goes wrong, whether you’re there or not.  You are accused of things that are out of your control and you’ll be guilty for his changes of mood of everyday problems.

  • You made me do it
  • You make me angry
  • I didn’t get the promotion because of you

You’re better alone!

Family, friends and, of course, a therapist become new enemies to your pal.  People that surrounds you will listen to you, give you advice and they’ll certainly try to protect you and make you feel strong enough to leave your partner. He or she may try to cut you off from social supports, accusing the people who act as your support network of “causing trouble” in the relationship.

The lonelier you’re, the more you will need her/him.

FRIENDS + FAMILY = MENACE

ISOLATION = MORE POWER FOR THE ABUSER

So, these are only a few examples of what are common behaviors in an abuser but the list is longer and there can be many other different ways of mistreating you.

The Top 10 Practical Tips to the Best Morning Routine

Most people or everyone wants to be one of those people that wake up in the morning motivated and ready for the day, but most of us don’t think it’s possible or are too lazy to do it. People say things like “I went to bed late last night so I can’t get up early” or “I was thinking about waking up this morning but once morning came I couldn’t do it” Over the last year I’ve come to realize that a morning routine can drastically help your day and really have an impact on your life. Some of the benefits of a morning routine are stress and anxiety levels lower, feeling more energetic and strong, more time for yourself, a more self-aware mind, and these are just some of the benefits of having a morning routine. In this video, I will be explaining to you the top 10 practical tips to having the best morning routine.

The first step to the best morning routine is actually waking up at a time that is good for you. If your thinking to yourself “I should wake up at 3:30 am to get a head start on my day” you shouldn’t be because your body and mind aren’t getting enough rest for you to effectively do activities for the rest of the day. I personally recommend waking up at 5:30 am and this allows you to get enough sleep plus enough time for you to get the things you want to be done during your morning routine. Also, keep in mind that if you pick an unrealistic time that you’re not gonna get into a good habit of having a morning routine. You will most likely quit or give up and go back to your old ways of sleeping in and not getting anything done.

The second step goes with the first step and that is getting a good night sleep. If you go to sleep at 12:00 am then it’s going to be hard for you to wake up at 5,6 or even 7 am. The human body is most effective and feels better with 7-9 hours of sleep. Now, I know everybody thinks that they’re immortal and they will never get tired, but you need to be looking forward to what’s happening tomorrow and think of how much sleep you need to stay effective. My goal bedtime is going to bed at 10 or 10:30 and when I wake up I feel fresh and ready to do my morning routine.

The third step to a successful morning routine is eliminating decision making in the morning. Sometimes the best way to have a productive morning is to get a head start on the night before. Many productivity experts and successful people prepare their schedule for the next day and it makes their mornings and days that much easier. There’s some science behind this that says that making decisions in the morning slows you down and drains your power to do anything and that eliminating decisions in the morning will make you way more productive throughout the day. You can execute on this by planning your lunch or work bag the night before. Plus, if you want to work out or exercise you can sleep in your clothes that you exercise in.

The fourth step to the greatest morning routine is drinking 1-2 cups of water. So I know that almost everybody loves drinking coffee in the morning, but drinking coffee dehydrates you. On the other hand, when you drink water after you wake up this immediately rehydrates you from those 8-9 hours without water, and that is a long time. Additionally, drinking water fuels your brain. Your brain is made of 73% water so drinking water is essential for maintaining high brain activity. Finally, drinking water boosts your metabolism for the day, and this helps with keeping a healthy diet.

The fifth step practical step is to get up and move. Some people won’t be excited about getting up and exercising, but you actually don’t have to go on a 2-mile run or do 90 push ups. All you have to do is literally get out of your bed and start walking around a little bit. Personally, I get up stretch and then I walk around but whatever is good for you is what matters here. Doing either of the things that I mentioned above will get your blood flow started and get your day going the right direction. Here is a couple of other examples of what some successful people do moving in the morning. Gary Vaynerchuk, a social media agency CEO, works out with his trainer every morning. With this, Howard Schulz, Starbucks CEO, bikes every morning before heading to work. There are many activities you can do to get up and moving the morning but it all depends on what you want to do.

The sixth step is to meditate in the morning. I can’t say this enough, when you meditate in the morning it gives you a safe place and happy place to go to when you’re stressed or confused. Another benefit to meditating in the morning you will start to notice when something little happens you won’t even think about it and this will lead to you feeling less stressed or irritated during the day. This benefits you because when something major happens then your there with self-awareness ready to face the task at hand. Oprah Winfrey said this about meditation ,” I walked away feeling fuller than when I’d come in.” Many successful people do this because it causes peace throughout their day so meditating is crucial to add to your morning routine.

The seventh action leading you to the best morning routine is reviewing what your goals and affirmations are. Everybody has long term goals and short term goals, but sadly our days can become so busy that we never actually have time to review our goals or what we want in life. Reviewing your goals during your morning routine will allow you to create plans to accomplish those goals, and will keep you informed about what’s important to accomplish. Now, if you were to think of things you would do to accomplish those goals for today, do small goals and write them down because your brain will get overwhelmed and you won’t do any of them. This will allow you to use every minute of your day to completing those goals that you want in life.

The eighth step you should add to your morning routine is to eat a healthy breakfast. Eating something is something great to add to your routine. Don’t be that person to say “I’m a breakfast person I don’t need to eat” because you’re wrong.” There are a million studies showing the benefits how eating something in the morning can instantly increase your energy levels. More specifically, a study performed by Kamada showed that higher protein foods led to higher metabolism levels than other kinds of foods. To end this, evidence shows that kids who eat a healthy breakfast have higher school grades and test scores. Eating a breakfast is a must in anyone’s morning routine.

The ninth practical way to build a morning routine is building a music playlist. This step is very personalized and you can do it to whatever kind of music makes you positive or energetic. Something I do is listen to motivational speakers like Les Brown talk and it really motivates me for the rest of the day. You should always keep the music upbeat and nothing too long that will make you tired and make you want to go back to sleep. For example, in my opinion, I wouldn’t listen to the genre of music Opera because it would make me really tired, but on the contrary, maybe you like Opera music and it really gets you fired up and ready for the day, then you should listen to Opera music. The point of listening to music is to stimulate your emotions to make you feel and think a certain way to get things done.

The tenth and final step is to write down what you’re thankful for. This step can be done by writing in a journal about anything you show gratitude for in your life, but it should be very specific to you. Some things you can write about are why you’re thankful for your family, how good the breakfast you just ate was, and maybe even how beautiful the sunrise was. This keeps you in a positive mood in the morning and will certainly keep you happy and appreciative during the day.

Reviewing the best ways to your morning routine are waking up at a time that is good for you, getting a good night sleep, eliminating decision making, drinking water, moving around, meditating, reviewing your goals and affirmations, eating a healthy breakfast, making a music playlist, and writing down what you’re thankful for. Thanks for watching practitioners and have a great day!