Charisma On Command: How to Be More Charismatic by Understanding It
The book Charisma On Command was written by Charlie Houpert, who has a very interesting story, owns and runs the Youtube channel Charisma On Command as well as a website where he sell his Charisma University. It’s like a $600 in-depth course, and if you enjoy this video, or his book, I suggest checking it out! Anyways, Charlie was voted “Most likely to break out of his shell in college” when he graduated high school, but he mentioned when he was in college that didn’t happen, in fact, it happened when he decided to go on a study abroad trip to Costa Rica.
He said it was there when he realized Charisma was like a muscle, that it could be developed and built over time with the right routine and perseverance, and I believe the same. He starts one chapter in the book off by stating that charisma is NEEDED. You know your friend in college who gets great grades, even though their academic passion is subpar? Or that coworker who isn’t as technically skilled as you, but still gets the promotion? Or even the guy who dropped out of high school yet still manages to get a date with, and eventually marries your dream girl? The simple fact is that nepotism and favoritism exist. You can say it isn’t fair all you want, but it’s easier to accept it and start understanding what it takes to get what the people we mentioned earlier had.
Charlie thinks charisma is an equation, and I think it’s a great idea to help us understand what charisma actually is. See, technically charisma is an outward expression of inward thoughts and thinking patterns. Stuff so small and quick you can’t even notice – like someone’s eyes squinting 25% more, holding eye contact for twice as long, head nods, and the positive energy boost you just feel after being with them. Our brain can’t process all this information so fast, so it just declares the state “I like this person, and want to be around them more”, which puts the person in your charismatic category.
Conviction + Energy + Presentation
So this is the basic equation for charisma, and I’ll go over each variable in detail so we can better understand charisma. Conviction is confidence in your beliefs. For example, the famous Steve Jobs was hiring a friend John Scully, and in the process, Steve looked his friend in the eyes, who was working at Pepsi at the time, and told him “Do you want to sell sugar water for the rest of your life, or do you want to come with me and change the world?” The conviction was so strong, and Steve had so much confidence in his conviction that he got his friend to believe in him too. That’s what leaders do, and that’s why most leader are charismatic.
One important thing about conviction is that someone with it cares more about their character than the opinions with others. That’s difficult if you struggle with the pressure of others, but it can be overcome with practice or a mental mindshift. For example, Charlie mentions when he was thinking about moving to South America, all of his friends and family were discouraging him and telling him he shouldn’t do it, but he went because he felt like he needed to and it was in his character to do so. Just because people don’t want you to do something doesn’t think they won’t respect you if you do it, or your charismatic past will go down the drain; in most cases you’ll be seen as even more charismatic as long as the thing you’re doing is in line with your character.
The second part of the equation is energy. What is energy? There are many things that make up a charismatic attitude and presence, but the first is high energy, not low energy. Take a look at MLK and Hitler. They both had high energy, to lead a large amount of people to follow their ideas, whether good or bad. Another example is the famous Oprah scene, where she screams “you get a car, you get a car, you get a car, everyone gets a car!”. That energy is contagious and people love to be around it!
Positivity is another part of the energy scene. You might be arguing, “Hitler wasn’t very positive” and you’d be wrong. While his ethical though process might not agree with yours, he was very positive in leading his people. For example, he didn’t lead with the thought his followers were going to lose the war, they were going to win it, and he believed it with all of his heart. Of course, on the other hand, the people who got a free car from Oprah saw her as pretty positive, as well as the people who watched that episode. If you want to be more charismatic, start by mastering positivity.
One thing Charlie hits pretty good in this book is that there is a common misconception among friends, “we are so close we can joke about it by being rude, sarcastic, and mean to each other”. He says this ruins relationships and that biting sarcasm should always be avoided. I believe this too, and behind every lie there is a bit of truth. When you call your large friend fat, you are labeling him and he might joke about it too, but deep down it really offends him on a psychological level. Avoid being mean to people and your friends, even on a joking level; just changing this can mean a lot on your charisma meter.
The last thing that can affect your energy is how passionate your are about something. Charlie says people are bored. They are bored at work, bored when they go to lunch, bored when they come home, bored when they turn on the TV, and bored when they scroll through social media. Give them something to be passionate about! It’s contagious, just be passionate about something and they’ll see it and want to be a part of it, just like John Scully and Steve Jobs.
The last part of the energy section, Charlie gives an awesome tip to choose any emotion you want, and how to instantly feel that emotion. I’m not going to tell you the tip, because I don’t want to ruin it, and you probably wouldn’t try it anyways.
Facial Feedback Hypothesis is the basic idea of the tip. I’ll explain this in a simple version. There was this experiment where scientists gave two people a pencil to hold in their mouth and one to write with their non-dominant hand. They told the participants they had to write with their non-dominant hand to distract them from the fact they were looking for something else. One group had to hold the pencil in their mouth with their teeth, causing them to smile, and the other had to use their lips, causing them to pucker without the pencil touching their teeth. After they were done writing a bit, they were told to leave, and write down on an exit survey how they felt. Those who were forced to smile, found that they were happier, which leads us to the conclusion of body language being one of the things you can fake until you make it. I’ll give you some body language tips to increase your charisma in a bit, but let’s get on to the Presentation part of the equation.
This part of the book was dedicated toward how charismatic people gave attention to other people and made them feel important.
Here are some tips to increase your charisma by upping your presentation game:
- Use their name and remember it
- Make jokes in favor of them to boost their self-esteem
- Give them genuine, non-reaction seeking compliments
- Ask for their opinion
- Look at the speaker when you are listening
- Look at the audience, all of them, when you are speaking
- Smile. For real. With your eyes.
- Pull your shoulders back
- Raise your chin
- Align your pelvis properly – check out Anterior Pelvic Tilt exercises if needed
- Use open body language and keep your body and chest pointed towards people
- Use gestures, Charlie says to use a lot of them!
- and touch other to build trust
There was a ton of information in Charisma on Command, and I really hope you guys enjoyed my review, if you want to check out this book, I’ll leave an Amazon link in the description. Also, if you want a free audiobook, I’ll leave a link in the description so you can sign up and get the audio version of this book from Audible. One more thing, remember at the beginning I said you could win $20? The best comment on my next video within 60 second of uploading will receive a $20 Amazon giftcard, so turn on that notification bell! Also, everyone who comments within 10 minutes, I’ll check out your channel and leave a comment on a video if you have any. Thanks for watching!