How to be More Confident Talking to Girls

Humans are social animals. If they let their social skills rust, they are weeded out by the merciless laws of society. In life, everything is up for grabs, if you show the desire and will to go for it. Approaching a cute girl doesn’t require an advanced degree, yet guys always end up overcomplicating this simple encounter. They let brooding thoughts of social anxiety and rejection hammer their minds and let an opportunity to bond with a potential soul-mate just slide by. Why is that?

Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is one of the paramount culprits of a flailing confidence. Whenever you approach a girl of your liking, you rehearse the encounter multiple times in your mind. Every time you run a  particular social scenario inside your head, multiple outcomes ― most of which lead you to believe that it’s not going to well ― overcomplicate the whole process, decreasing your capacity to take “social risks “. “ Approach anxiety” and shyness hold you back from contributing to simple conversations. It’s impossible to eliminate social anxiety, but you can always learn how to control it and use it to your advantage. Confident guys who have experienced amazing success with girls are anxious, but they know how to tame their emotions.

How to cope with Social anxiety and elevate confidence?

  1. Developing social Curiosity

A study carried out by Kashdan and Roberts (2006) highlighted the importance of curiosity in social interactions. Social anxiety stimulated feelings that stopped individuals from being a part of social interactions. However, subjects who had social anxiety, but were curious about the girls they were interested in, were able to enjoy social interactions more than their counterparts who lacked this curiosity. This curiosity changed their mindset, diverting their focus to the positive aspects of a social meeting. Fear of rejection was replaced by the desire to discover new things about their crushes.

Here are some tips to help you develop curiosity and how to be more confident talking to girls.

  • Stop being presumptuous and let optimism lead the way. Understand that your power to control a social situation is limited. The best you can do is let events run their vital course. If you can’t help making assumptions, aim them at the girl, instead of yourself. Think of what she as a person can be. Forget if you have a chance with her ort not. Your sole purpose is to take the chance. One step at a time my friend!
  • Remember that you don’t necessarily have to be an orator to win the girl of your dreams. All you have to do is sit quietly, listen to what she has to say, and respond minimally. Guys who expect too much of themselves in social situations cower under the overwhelming pressure of their anxieties. What’s the worst she can say, “No”? Trust me, that’s still better than never knowing what it could’ve been if you would’ve actually said “hi”.


  1. Devising ways to preserve your influence and power

The reason why the first move is hard is because you give the girl the power validate or influence you. This puts you in a position of weakness and alleviates your attractiveness. Women like the thrill of chasing their potential lovers. And when something is just handed out to them on a silver platter, they lose interest in it. This doesn’t just go for females, but also for guys like us.

There are a number of sneaky conversation tactics that can keep the opposite gender guessing if you’re going Gaga for them or not.


  • Request a favor from the girl and let her work for you. According to the Ben Franklin effect, if a girl does a favor for you first, she will have a tendency to do a favor for you again in the future. However, if you do a favor for her first, she will not have the same propensity to do something in return for you. You can request her to “pass you the glass” or ask her to watch your stuff while you’re in the bathroom. It’s up to you. She won’t even get wind of your vulnerability this way. Not only, will this approach break the ice with her, it will also preserve your influence.
  • Seeking validation is the number one interest killer. In order to get a girl’s attention, you have to ask her a series of questions to let her know that you’re actually curious about her. Stop flaunting about yourself! It’s a huge turn off. Don’t let her evaluate you. Make her prove yourself to you. Going in with the assumption that she is a paragon of virtue will only hurt your chances of hitting it off with her. Be skeptical about what kind of person she is and approach her with the mindset of knowing more about her rather than worshipping her.
  • Refrain from asking excessive questions. After knowing something about her, tell a little something about yourself as well. Reciprocate! If you’re thinking about telling something personal about yourself, please stop in your tracks! Reserve your darkest and deepest secrets for a time when you’re really close with her. You never expose your emotional vulnerability on the first meet.
  • The final conversation tactic that you can employ to win her attention is to simply make a general statement that doesn’t necessarily require a response from her. It can be anything from, “I love the ambience of his restaurant “to “I love buying clothes from his place “. If she is in to you or likes what she sees, she‘ll try to drag on the conversation. If she replies, even though your statement doesn’t necessarily evoke a response, it means she is attracted towards you.


Employing the aforementioned conversation tactics bolster your confidence in social settings. Girls are sophisticated beings and breaking the ice with them is a sensitive process. You can’t just throw yourself out there and give them the power to steer the conversation to an unfavorable outcome. Remember, persuasion demands a position of strength!

How to be more confident talking to girls? Practice our proven and scientifically backed social tactics on a frequent basis. There’s no simpler way!


Theodore created PracticalPsychology in his mother's basement after quitting university at age 19. From there, a dream was born to change lives by helping people understand how their brain works. By applying practical psychological principles to our lives, we can get a jumpstart on the path of self-improvement. 1,500,000 Youtube subscribers later, and that dream continues strong!

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