How to Get Out of the Friendzone – 6 FoolProof Strategies
Getting stuck in the friendzone is certainly no fun. Whether you have to hear your friend complain about the lack of good guys in the dating scene, or you are just too nervous to make a move, staying in the friendzone can feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment.
Making the transition from friends to something more isn’t as easy as it looks, especially in today’s dating scene. There are many different types of relationships outside of platonic friendship and monogamous partnership. Getting out of the friendzone to a place where you want to be requires patience, persistence, and vulnerability.
Read the following suggestions for how to get out of the friendzone below:
Find out what she is looking for in a relationship.
Want to know how to get out of the friendzone? Ask her how to get out of the friendzone!
Ask your friend what she is looking for in a relationship. You probably know the basic answers to this question, but dive deeper. An interest in punk music or a dry sense of humor is not going to get you out of the friendzone. Ask about her needs and the qualities she is looking for in someone that appeals to her as a lover and a partner. Her answers will show you what is holding her back. She may not see these qualities in you, or you may not be able to currently provide what she is looking for. If you can show her that you can give her what she wants in a partner, then you are more likely to get out of the friendzone.
In addition to asking her what she is looking for, you should ask her if she is looking for a relationship. If she needs time to get over a bad breakup or focus on her career, the best thing you can do is respect her boundaries and wishes. She will remember that respect when she is finally ready to enter a relationship.
Ask the 36 questions that lead to love.
Looking for questions that will get you out of the friendzone? Here are 36. Psychologist Arthur Aron developed a list of questions, broken up into three parts, that can bring two strangers together and make them lovers. And it’s worked! The questions from Aron’s study is not just appropriate for how to get out of the friendzone; it was used on how to get two strangers to fall in love.
These questions aren’t magic, and require both parties to be vulnerable and open to answer honestly. Sneaking these questions into a conversation will not flip the switch and get you out of the friendzone. If you are genuinely curious about the study, even bringing up the idea of these questions could spark a conversation about what it takes to fall in love, and whether or not your friend is ready for a relationship.
Assess how you talk about relationships.
If you want to know how to get out of the friendzone, you have to look beyond your friend’s signals and actions. You may be stuck in the friendzone because you friend thinks that you are not looking for a relationship. Are you telling her about girls that you are seeing? Have you mentioned that you are not looking for a girlfriend (even if you were not telling the truth?) Does she see you approaching women while you are out? Whether this information is coming from you or other friends, stories about other potential dates may lead her to think that you are not interested.
Start to change the way you discuss dating and relationships. Be open and honest about the fact that you want to be in a relationship, even if you do not express interest in her right off the bat. Vulnerability is key to getting out of the friendzone; closing yourself up will not allow your friend to let you into her life.
Do not be passive or gossip about your relationship.
Be careful about asking her friends about her feelings. It may seem wise to ask her friends about how to get out of the friendzone, but before you know it, her friends will let her know that you were asking. Even if she has similar feelings, hearing about you from a third party might make her feel uncomfortable, or that you are too nervous to make a move. Ultimately, getting out of the friendzone is a conversation that should happen between you and her…not you, her, and all of her friends.
Sometimes, all it takes to get out of the friendzone is honesty. Hiding your feelings due to fear will only send mixed messages. If you are upfront with her about your feelings, you are more likely to get a response about what she is looking for in a partner, and how you fit into the equation.
Make sure you are of sound mind when you talk about these feelings. Professing your love after a few drinks or during a moment of frustration will make your feelings appear less legitimate. Making someone feel uncomfortable is not a good way to start a potential relationship.
Taking the next step doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, either. Your relationship isn’t a romantic comedy; it’s real life. Simply asking your friend out to dinner can get the ball rolling. If you do want to take her on a unique date and get out of the friendzone, do not head to the same bar or restaurant that you visit with all of your friends. Make a little extra effort to have a nice evening with her, and only her. If she brings along her friends, you are no longer on a special date. If she wants to bring her friends, be honest about your intentions right off the bat. She will only know that you want to take her on a date if you let her know that the evening is a date. No one likes to be tricked or fooled.
Be patient and respect her feelings.
The age of Tinder and instant messages moves relationships along faster than ever, but you must remember that not all relationships develop overnight. No matter how hard you try to get out of the friendzone, you cannot force someone into a relationship. Being too aggressive or impatient will only strain your relationship, or end it altogether. If you are persistent, you must also be patient.
In the end, the best advice on how to get out of the friendzone is be honest and open about your feelings. Listening to your friend about what they want, and responding with patience and understanding, is the best way to show that you are making a genuine effort to move the relationship further.