How to tell a girl that you like her

Making the transition from friend to girlfriend can be a frustrating and confusing process. Movies make relationships look easy, even when they are dramatic and the characters are clumsy. Whether you feel like a leading man or the shy underdog, being vulnerable and expressing your feelings can take a lot of work.

Whether or not you are comfortable with being vulnerable and honest, these are the keys to not only telling a girl that you like her, but getting her to reciprocate your feelings. Women appreciate vulnerability, and unless you can give her a mind-reading device, you may be waiting years before she brings up the conversation.

Ready to learn how to tell a girl that you like her? Read on.


Show and tell a girl that you like her.

Sweet messages or kind words are not the only way to express how you feel. Use your actions to tell a girl that you like her. Small gestures and actions can help to “give her a hint” as you get ready to tell her your feelings directly. Even something simple, like buying her a coffee or giving her a compliment, will show her that in your mind, she is different from other girls.


Listen to her.

If you don’t know how to start showing a girl that you like her, listening is the best action you can take. The stories or things that she tells you will help you figure out what she is looking for in a partner and what you can do to make her like you. For example, if she is worried that she will do poorly on an upcoming exam, offer to help her study or send her a “good luck” text the day of the test. If she is feeling upset about her haircut, give her a compliment on her hair the next time you see her.

If you want to learn more about what she is looking for in a partner, ask…and listen to her response. When you find out what she is looking for, you can begin to show her that you fit that criteria. If she is looking for a partner that will make her laugh, amp up your joke-telling game or recommend some funny movies. If she wants someone who will be honest and vulnerable with her, know that you are doing the right thing by telling her that you like her.


Focus on the present moment rather than what could go wrong.

As humans, we tend to jump ahead and think about the future. In a situation like telling a girl that you like her, these future scenarios don’t always look so positive. You may be asking yourself, “What if she doesn’t like me?” or “What if this ruins our friendship?” Shutting off these thoughts can be hard, but will make your life a lot easier before and as you tell the girl that you like her.

In other words, relax! Remind yourself that you are not proposing, and that whether or not you start dating this girl, you will still be the same person.


Before you tell her, pump yourself up.

Vulnerability requires confidence, and nerves often get in the way. In order to give yourself the confidence to follow through with expressing your feelings, give yourself a little pep talk. It may seem silly to look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how cool you are, but hearing positive things can help to put your mind at ease. Affirmations can do wonders before any date.

Get your friends involved if you are struggling to give yourself a pep talk. A friend can tell you positive things and encourage you to be honest and open, no matter what the outcome. Even if you do not get the response that you want to hear, having positive thoughts in the back of your head will remind you that rejection does not make you any less of a person.


Be honest with her, not just her friends.

No one enjoys passive-aggressive behavior. Sharing your feelings directly with a girl can be intimidating, but is the best way to communicate. Without your honesty and openness, she may be getting mixed signals about how you feel and what you are looking for in your current relationship.

It may seem easier to gauge her response by asking for her friends’ opinions. Even if you get her friends to swear to secrecy, sooner or later, they will spill the beans and reveal your feelings. Giving her friends the control of this conversation may not work in your favor. You will not be able to hear her friends’ opinions on the situation and how they may influence her decisions. Expressing your feelings should not be done through a game of “whisper down the lane.”


Talk to her in an appropriate setting.

This is a conversation that should be had between you and her. Having the conversation at a party or big dinner with all of your friends will not only be awkward if things do not go well, but will decrease chances of getting a response in the first place. Friends can be distracting.

Ask her to get dinner, or even offer to cook for her at your house. Bring her to a place where the two of you can have a private conversation. She will not be distracted and will know that you are serious while you are being vulnerable. If you want to have some alcohol with your meal, limit yourself to two drinks. A little liquid courage may give you the confidence to finally tell her that you like her, but too much liquid courage will take away your control of the situation. Getting drunk will give her the impression that you are not serious about what you are saying, or that you are incapable of being vulnerable and honest in the first place.

Think about your body language throughout the conversation. Make eye contact to show that you are engaged in the conversation. Keep your hands and legs still; fidgeting will reveal that you are nervous and will make her nervous. Gently touching her leg or arm may be appropriate, if this is physical contact that both of you are used to and comfortable with. If you need to center yourself and take a deep breath in the bathroom before you talk to her, take this moment to relax.


Allow her to be open and honest about her feelings.

Your conversation will not end after you stop speaking. Part of talking to her in an appropriate setting is making sure the space is safe enough for her to express her feelings, no matter what they are. If you are putting a girl on the spot, you need to make sure she feels comfortable and can be open with you as well. She may not have a response for you at the moment, or may have to think about what you are telling her. As you are telling this girl that you like her, make sure you communicate that her feelings and opinions are important. Body language is important here as well. Uncross your arms; this will signal that you are open to hearing what she has to say.


Respect her response.

Even if you are “dropping hints” for a while before you tell a girl that you like her, she may be caught off-guard by your feelings at first. Give her space and time to think about her feelings toward you and what you have told her. If she feels pressured to answer you or make a decision about your relationship, she may not want to pursue you any further. The more comfortable she is, the more she is willing to listen to what you have to say.


Now that you have read how to tell a girl that you like her, what are you waiting for? Be honest, be open, and be vulnerable. Good luck!


Theodore created PracticalPsychology in his mother's basement after quitting university at age 19. From there, a dream was born to change lives by helping people understand how their brain works. By applying practical psychological principles to our lives, we can get a jumpstart on the path of self-improvement. 1,500,000 Youtube subscribers later, and that dream continues strong!

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