Reading Body Language – How to tell if a date is comfortable with you

It would be so convenient if we could know how our date feels at a given time, if they like us or not, whether they’re bored or they’re really into us, wouldn’t it? Well, fortunately, communication comes in many shapes and forms, and beside the usual talking, there is much more to a message than you can see at first glance – and by learning to observe the hints in your date’s posture, you can get a pretty good idea of what’s going on in their minds and how you can adjust to improve their thoughts about you.

In this first part, we will focus more on their nonverbal language, and what are the hints that you can follow. In the second part, I will give you tips on how to adjust your own nonverbal language in order to appear attractive and to raise your chances of having a successful date.

So how to tell if the person you’re out with is happy or bored, horny or nervous, or even upset? You can tell a lot by observing their body language: is their stance open or closed? Do they look expansive, or rather reserved and shy? Are they looking you in the eye or fidgeting with their phone or other objects? Here is what these mean:

 

Eye contact:

This may seem like a basic one, but the way your date looks at you and the amount of eye contact they make with you can tell a lot about their mood. If your date avoids eye contact but still makes it from time to time, chances are they are really into you but too shy to sustain a Ionger glance. A prolongued eye contact however, means they are really and openly interested in you, without trying to hide that in any way – almost like an invitation to get more intimate. However, if their eyes wander anywhere but your general direction, then they are really bored and their mind is far, away from your conversation.

 

Posture and space:

If your date is bent toward you and faces you with “open arms”, that’s a good sign! Because they’re interested, their unconscious mind is telling them to move closer, to better grasp all the information about you. An open and relaxed posture shows that your date is comfortable around you, curious to hear what you have to say, and they find you attractive. Men especially try to keep their spine straight to look taller, or spread their legs and flex muscles in an unconscious desire to show dominance and masculine power. Women on the other hand, try to bring their cleavage forward and and their spine curbed in the lower half – to increase sexiness and attractiveness.

When a person bends their body inwards instead, shoulders tucked in, that’s a sign of either low self-esteem, or they might be feeling awkward, guilty (depending on the subject) or just uncomfortable talking to you. If your date looks stiff, leans back, moves away or even “puts walls” between you (by placing their drink or other objects on the table between you), it means they’re not very comfortable with you and need to have some more personal space.

When your date touches you, that’s a huge plus! People don’t usually touch other people who they’re not interested in, so if someone lightly brushes against you or touches your arm (and not just once, by accident), that’s like an invitation to their personal space. Just be aware of the touchy-feely type, who might just need to touch people when talking to them, to feel a better understanding in the conversation – and in this case touches don’t neccessarily mean they have a special attraction toward you.

 

Mirroring:

Mirroring happens when one person unconsciously copies the stance of the person they are talking to. Usually this is a sign that they feel engaged and connected with the other, so for example if you are sitting with the elbows resting on the table and one hand on your drink, and the other person does the same, you can take that as a positive sign that they are attuned to the conversation.

 

Other phsyical cues:

Feet pointing – or general body position headed – toward you in a group, things are going well. Males generally do this, no matter how big the crowd or how places change during a casual meeting, he will always be facing towards the girl he likes.

 

Also: blushing, sweaty palms or accelerated breath are all hints that your date is either very attracted to you – or really scared – as all these are our bodies natural reactions to excitement and nervousness. So if you weren’t acting crazy around them and haven’t given them any reason to freak out, take these as good signs.

Also -this is one that women do more often- playing with hair, rubbing hands, constantly arranging one’s shirt, are all signs they are interested and it’s in their instinct to groom themselves in order to appear more attractive to you. But it could also mean they’re generally insecure so keep an eye for the other cues as well!

 

It’s important to look at these body language hints as a whole, and try to find a pattern in each particular situation. There are not many cases when a person who likes (or doesn’t like) someone will manifest only one of these behaviours. Usually it’s a combination, and you have to be careful not to get delusional by overinterpretting very little hints as “clear indicators” they like you, because you might end up with a huge disappointment (and vice-versa). Use your sixth sense and try to feel if they are really into you by observing more and thinking about the theory less. Also, take care of your own body language because who knows? They might read this article too, and might observe you just as well to see where they’re at in your interaction.

Theodore
 

Theodore created PracticalPsychology in his mother's basement after quitting university at age 19. From there, a dream was born to change lives by helping people understand how their brain works. By applying practical psychological principles to our lives, we can get a jumpstart on the path of self-improvement. 1,500,000 Youtube subscribers later, and that dream continues strong!

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