How to Seduce a Guy

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Practical Psychology

You see a handsome man at the gym working out beside you. Do you pretend you don’t know how to lift weights and ask for his help? Do you tell him if being sexy was a crime, he would be guilty? Or do you do your set of squats right in front of him so he can ASSess that body? 

You are on a first date with a fascinating fellow. Do you slowly lick your lips while eating the saucy ribs? Play footsie under the table? Or tell him what you want to do with him after dinner?

There are so many decisions that need to be made during the process of meeting a new partner, convincing them you are worth spending time with, and hopefully going on a first date. How do you create a connected and erotic environment with a new partner? How can we use an understanding of the science of arousal and seduction to our favor?

Women have a leg up when it comes to seduction because, at least in heterosexual relationships, it is often implied that the man will do most of the heavy lifting. A friend of mine who is bisexual just got Tinder, and she said that boys reach out to her all the time, but whenever she matches with a girl, neither of them makes the first move and starts the conversation. This may be because girls are often not raised to be sexually assertive. However, by understanding the science of seduction, and a bit about the male brain, you can up your seduction game!

What is Seduction?

Some folks think of seduction as a way to swindle someone into sex, but I prefer to think of seduction as a way to put forward the best parts of your personality that tap into your partner’s unique desires. Rather than lying or manipulating, consent and mutual desire are at its core. Folks of all genders are unique in terms of what they find exciting. However, there are some gender differences in seduction that are backed by science. This article will discuss some techniques to let a man see what I already see and how amazing, sexy, and fascinating you are. Let’s use science to create a scenario where your crush can’t stop replaying the magic that was last night.

How are Men and Women different?

Seduction can mean many things. However, when it comes to sexual seduction, men are generally not too hard to convince. Research shows that men are more open to having casual sex, take more sexual risks, and desire a larger number of sexual partners than women. As a result, men are more likely to overestimate potential partners’ sexual interest in them and assume that women are flirting with them when they are just being nice. What does this mean when it comes to seduction? If you are being nice, there is a fair chance that your crush already thinks you’re into him!

Visual Arousal

There is also a gender difference when it comes to what visual cues excite us. Research shows that overall, men are more visually aroused than women. For example, men tend to have a more significant genital response when watching erotic videos. A study showed that when watching an erotic film, women were more turned on when they could imagine themselves as one of the actors. On the other hand, men were more turned on when the actor was attractive, and they could observe their bodies. 

Men also tend to be less flexible in their sexual orientation. In a study, men and women viewed videos of two men and two women having sex, and their self-reported and physical arousal was measured. It was found that men’s responses were very orientation-specific, where straight men were aroused by the women, and gay men were aroused by the men. On the other hand, women were more likely to show arousal to both videos, regardless of their sexual orientation. This suggests that women are more likely to be aroused by the erotic context, and men may be more visually specific.  

One of the most potent examples of the sex difference in arousal can be seen when looking at drugs that increase genital response. Viagra is as prevalent as can be, but despite tons of funding and research, big pharma has been unable to create a drug that leads to a feeling of psychological arousal in women. For women, it is not as simple as bringing more blood flow to the genitals. Instead, we are more concerned with creating a sexually exciting environment. We can have blood pulsating on our genitals, but if something in the context is not right, we do not experience arousal.

What does this mean when it comes to seducing men? First of all, don’t worry too much if your house isn’t super clean - they are just interested in you! The research also suggests that when you are playing the seduction game, it may be helpful to show off a bit of that beautiful body for them to observe!  I don’t want to say that male sexuality is simple because it is not, but it seems that, at least on some level, creating an enticing visual atmosphere can be a powerful component to seducing men.

Seductive Smells

Your scent can have a large impact on attraction and arousal. Research shows that men are surprisingly skilled in their ability to smell womanly scents. For example, studies show that when men smell women’s tears it lowers their sexual arousal, compared to smelling saline solution. The teary scent also makes them judge the tearful scented women as less attractive.  

Some research shows that men can sense when a woman is ovulating and are ultra attracted to women when they are in a state of high fertility. Interacting with an ovulating woman has been shown to increase men’s testosterone levels, interest in sex, and thoughts around sex. Although this has not yet been measured with homosexual folks, I wonder how they would be impacted by their potential partners’ scents. 

Men can also sense when their partner is sexually aroused. A study found that straight men who smelled the sweat of an aroused woman rated them as more attractive than a non-aroused woman. They were also more likely to become aroused smelling the scent and have increased sexual motivation to make moves on the aroused woman than the non-aroused woman. This suggests that if you genuinely enjoy your encounter with someone and create an environment conducive to your arousal, it will lead your partner to become aroused. No faking necessary! What is the overall message of this scent research on straight folks? Perhaps, plan a date when you feel horny, happy, and are ovulating!

Add in the Fear

If you incorporate a healthy amount of fear into your date, this can amp up the attraction. In a study of attraction, straight men either crossed a rickety suspension bridge or a sturdy bridge and were greeted by an attractive research assistant at the other end. It was found that those who crossed the scary bridge were more attracted to the research assistant and were more likely to call her and ask her on a date. Perhaps because fear and arousal look similar in the brain. What does this mean in terms of seduction? Perhaps take your date to a scary movie, go on a steep hike, or find another way to induce some fear into your encounter.

Should ladies make the first move?

There was a recent viral Reddit discussion with over 10,000 comments about how men feel about women making the first move. The overwhelming response was that men love when women are able to make the first move. It shows confidence, allows men to feel what it is like to be chased, and men find it flattering (even if they are not interested). 

Having the confidence to put yourself out there and communicate your wants during any arousal phase can be very exciting. This means that if you approach a man at the gym and say that you think he’s cute and would like to take him out - that is likely to be perceived as sexy. If you go in for the first kiss - also sexy! It is prudent for you to read the room, and chances of success increase if your crush is giving non-verbal signals that he is interested.

Part of being assertive is accepting that rejection is always a possibility. The sexy man at the gym may have a partner, a different sexual orientation, or perhaps not be a good match with you. Women are not used to being rejected, but part of confidence-building is understanding that rejection is part of dating, and if you aren’t a good match with someone, that doesn’t make you any less incredible.

Ask real questions

A study brought together folks and got them to answer intimate questions about each other. After this communication, partners were more attracted to each other, and one pair actually began dating and got married later. The message? Ask your partner real exciting questions instead of surface-level stuff. You might as well get to know your date right away to assess if you are a good match.

Eye contact

A study found that when a psychologist got strangers to stare at each other for two minutes without saying a word, most participants said that they were very attracted to their partner. Like the study above, one of the couples felt such a strong attraction that they ended up getting married! So, in every stage of an encounter, work on having sustained eye contact - it is just about the sexiest thing.

The Nitty Gritty

Do you want some super-specific seduction techniques? Let’s go! A study found that the scent of pumpkin pie and lavender is related to increased blood flow to the penis. Perhaps the relaxation of family holidays gets them going? Also, women who engage in altruistic behavior appear more attractive to men and are more likely to have regular sex. Furthermore, it was found that women who wear red are also rated as more attractive than women who wear other colors. Red lipstick left men staring at women’s lips for 7.3 seconds, and pink lipstick only led to a 6.7-second stare. Finally, a study showed that men are more into women who laugh at their jokes. So to get a man, you have to bake some pie, help an old woman cross the street while wearing red, and giggling at their mediocre dad jokes!

Every man is unique, and there is no sure way to seduce anyone. However, hopefully, this research can give you some insight into gender differences in seduction and several seduction techniques that could work on men. It is helpful to understand and know about the psychology of seduction, but it is even more powerful to be true to yourself. If you feel uncomfortable showing skin, you can still seduce a man with your humor! You can create a genuine connection even if you just cried and don't smell like pie at all. A date can tell when you are honest, so if you lean into your positive qualities and let a partner see you - that is the most powerful. Finally, remember that this process is meant to be fun - try to take your seduction game too seriously and enjoy genuinely connecting and getting to know a new person.


Reference this article:

Practical Psychology. (2023, January). How to Seduce a Guy. Retrieved from

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