How To Ask A Girl Out (Walkthrough + 29 Example Texts)

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Practical Psychology

So, you've got your eyes on someone special, huh? First off, kudos to you for wanting to take that brave step. Now, I might have a few fancy tricks up my sleeve, but trust me, when it comes to the matters of the heart, we're all in the same boat. And guess what? I've been in your shoes, and I've got some insights that might just help you navigate these exciting (and sometimes nerve-wracking) waters.

Before you even think about popping that big question, let's get one thing straight: understanding your feelings and hers is crucial. Ever wondered why you like her? Or looked for those little signs that she might be into you too? Yep, that's where we start. And timing? Oh boy, it's more crucial than you think. But don't sweat it... I've got you covered.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Dive in, and let's explore this journey together. And remember, while I'll share some common pitfalls to watch out for, this journey is uniquely yours. Ready to get started?

Know Why You Like Her

a guy asking a girl out

Hey, let's kick things off with a bit of introspection, shall we? Before you even think about asking her out, it's essential to understand your feelings.

I mean, have you ever stopped to think about why you like her? And no, "because she's cute" isn't the full answer (though it's a start!).

Beyond Physical Attraction

Sure, her smile might light up a room, and those eyes? Absolutely captivating. But genuine attraction goes beyond just looks.

Maybe it's the way she laughs at your jokes, her passion for things she loves, or how she treats others with kindness. Dive deep into those feelings and recognize the qualities that truly draw you to her.

Shared Interests

Remember that time you both geeked out over that movie or bonded over a shared hobby? Common interests can be a strong foundation for any relationship. It's those shared moments and passions that can make your connection even more special.

Emotional Connection

Ever felt that you can talk to her about anything and everything? That's an emotional connection right there. It's when you feel understood, valued, and heard. If you find comfort in her presence and feel a sense of trust, that's a sign of a deeper bond.

What Are Her Feelings?

While it's essential to know why you're drawn to her, it's equally important to consider her feelings and well-being. Relationships are a two-way street, after all. So, think about what you can bring to the table and how you can contribute to her happiness.

In the grand scheme of things, understanding why you like someone is more than just a checklist. It's about genuine appreciation, respect, and connection. And trust me, when you're clear about your feelings, it not only boosts your confidence but also helps in building a meaningful relationship.

Signs She Likes You

a couple flirting

Alright, now that you've done some soul-searching and figured out your feelings, it's time to play a bit of detective. You see, while we humans are complex creatures, there are some universal signs that hint someone might be into you. Let's decode them together, shall we?

This is a very complicated section, we even have an whole article on signs that a girl likes you, so it's okay to feel overwhelmed here. Here is a quick summary:

  1. She Initiates Conversations: If she's reaching out to chat, whether it's a simple "Hey!" or sharing something she thought you'd like, it's a good sign. It means you're on her mind, and she values your connection.
  2. Body Language Clues: Ever noticed her mirroring your actions or leaning in when you talk? These subtle body language cues can speak volumes. Oh, and if she's making prolonged eye contact or playing with her hair, those are classic signs of interest.
  3. She Remembers Little Details: Remember that random story you shared about your childhood pet or your favorite ice cream flavor? If she brings it up later, it means she's genuinely listening and cares about getting to know you.
  4. She Finds Reasons to Spend Time with You: Whether it's studying together, grabbing a coffee, or just hanging out, if she's making an effort to spend time with you, it's a pretty clear indicator she enjoys your company.
  5. Compliments and Teasing: A compliment here and there, or playful teasing, can be her way of showing affection. If she notices and appreciates your new haircut or the way you handled a situation, it's a sign she's paying attention.
  6. She Introduces You to Her Friends: Being introduced to her inner circle? That's a big deal! It means she's proud to know you and wants her friends to get to know you too.
  7. She's Engaged in Your Conversations: You know that feeling when someone is genuinely interested in what you're saying? If she's asking follow-up questions, reacting to your stories, and genuinely engaging in the conversation, it's a sign she's truly invested in getting to know you better. In fact, in our article about asking a guy out, we mention continuously having engaging conversations.
  8. She Finds Excuses to Touch You: Subtle touches can be a significant indicator of interest. Whether it's a light pat on the back, brushing off lint from your shirt, or a playful nudge, these small gestures can hint at a deeper connection. Physical touch, even in the most innocent sense, often indicates comfort and familiarity.
  9. She's Open About Her Personal Life: If she's sharing personal stories, dreams, or even her fears with you, it means she trusts you and sees you as someone she can confide in. Opening up about personal matters isn't something we do with just anyone, so if she's letting you in, it's a sign she values your bond.

Timing The Question

Timing really is everything when it comes to asking someone out. Think of it like this: you wouldn't want to interrupt someone in the middle of a movie to ask them a question, right? The same goes for this special moment.

Firstly, pay attention to her mood. If she's relaxed and happy, it's a good sign. But if she seems stressed or distracted, maybe hold off for a bit.

Choose a setting where you both feel at ease, like during a casual chat or after a fun activity you both enjoyed. Avoid moments when she's under pressure or busy with something else.

And here's a golden tip: trust your instincts. If it feels right, go for it. If not, there's always tomorrow. Remember, it's not just about the perfect moment, but also about being genuine and sincere.

Direct Approach

Ah, the direct approach! It's bold, it's straightforward, and it's all about wearing your heart on your sleeve. Let's dive into what this means and how to go about it:

When we talk about the direct approach, we're referring to simply being open and honest about your feelings. No games, no roundabout ways, just pure, genuine expression.

Confidence is key. Stand tall, make eye contact, and speak clearly. Remember, it's okay to be nervous, but believing in yourself makes a world of difference.

You don't need a rehearsed speech. A simple "I've really enjoyed spending time with you, and I'd love to take you out on a date. What do you think?" can be more effective than you'd imagine.

Sincerity shines through. Let her know you value the time you've spent together and that you'd like to explore the possibility of something more.

Whether she says yes or no, respect her answer. Every individual has their feelings and reasons, and it's essential to understand and accept them.

The direct approach is all about authenticity. It's about showing her that you're genuine in your intentions and that you value the connection you've built. While it might seem daunting, remember that clarity and honesty often pave the way for deeper, more meaningful connections.

Using Notes

writing a love letter

In our digital age, the charm of handwritten notes can't be underestimated. It's personal, it's thoughtful, and it carries a touch of nostalgia. If you're considering using notes to ask her out, here's how to make it memorable:

Choose a nice piece of paper or a cute card. Your choice of stationery can say a lot about the effort you're putting in. If you score a date, or eventually get married, it'll be a wonderful timepiece to hang on a wall!

You don't need to write an essay. A simple message like, "I've really enjoyed our time together. Would you like to go out for coffee sometime?" can be heartwarming.

Mentioning a shared memory or an inside joke can make your note even more special. It shows you cherish the moments you've spent together. Don't just copy/paste something that any guy could use.

Take your time to write neatly. Your handwriting is a reflection of your effort and care. Practice, if you need to.

Slip the note into her book, leave it on her desk, or hand it to her directly. The element of surprise can add to the charm. Make sure she knows it's from you!

She might respond with a note of her own, a text, or even in person. Be ready to continue the conversation, no matter the medium.

Using notes to ask someone out is a classic, timeless gesture. It's intimate and shows that you've put thought into your approach. In a world of instant messages, a handwritten note stands out, making your intentions clear and heartfelt.

Using Gestures

Firstly, never underestimate the power of eye contact. A deep, lingering gaze can communicate volumes, hinting at the depth of your feelings. It's one of those age-old romantic gestures that, when done right, can create a moment of genuine connection.

Thoughtful gifts, no matter how small, can also make a big impression. Whether it's a book you believe she'd adore, a hand-curated playlist of songs, or even just her favorite snack, these gestures show that you've been paying attention to the little details.

But gestures aren't always about tangible items. Sometimes, the most meaningful gestures are acts of kindness. Simple actions, like helping her carry something, holding the door open, or just being there as a supportive friend, can speak volumes about your intentions.

Physical touch, when done respectfully and ensuring she's comfortable, can also be a way to express interest. A gentle touch, a comforting hug, or even just a playful nudge can convey warmth and affection.

Creating special moments is another gesture that shouldn't be overlooked. Organizing a surprise picnic, planning a movie night with her favorite films, or even just taking a quiet walk together can be gestures in themselves. It's about the effort and thought you put into making her feel special.

Lastly, one of the most impactful gestures is active listening. In a world filled with distractions, giving her your undivided attention, being genuinely interested in her stories, and valuing her opinions can set you apart.

Here's a brief list of gestures to help you asking a girl you like on a date:

  1. Holding Eye Contact: A prolonged, meaningful gaze can convey interest and connection.
  2. Touching the Arm: A gentle touch or pat on the arm can be a sign of comfort and closeness.
  3. Offering a Warm Hug: A hug can express affection, comfort, and closeness.
  4. Holding Hands: This intimate gesture can signify a deep connection and mutual affection.
  5. Playful Teasing: Light, playful nudges or teasing can indicate a fun and flirty dynamic.
  6. Opening Doors: A classic gesture of politeness and consideration.
  7. Pulling Out a Chair: Another traditional gesture showing courtesy and respect.
  8. Handing Over a Jacket: Offering your jacket on a chilly day can be a protective and caring gesture.
  9. Walking Her Home: Ensuring her safety and spending extra time together.
  10. Surprise Gifts: Small tokens like flowers, chocolates, or something more personal that shows you've been paying attention to her likes.
  11. Listening Intently: Giving her your full attention when she speaks, nodding, and reacting appropriately.
  12. Protective Gestures: Like placing a hand on the small of her back in a crowd or guiding her through a busy area.
  13. Complimenting: Genuine compliments about her appearance, intelligence, or anything you genuinely admire.
  14. Sharing Personal Items: Offering her your earbuds to listen to a song or sharing a drink.
  15. Tilting Your Head: When listening or gazing at her, a slight tilt of the head can indicate interest and attentiveness.
  16. Smiling Genuinely: A warm, genuine smile can make someone feel appreciated and valued.
  17. Mirroring: Subconsciously mimicking her actions or posture, indicating a deep connection and rapport.

Ask A Girl Out Through Text

girl smiling at a text on her phone

Texting is convenient, but it also requires a bit of finesse. You see, without the nuances of face-to-face interaction, things can sometimes get lost in translation. But fear not! With a sprinkle of authenticity and a dash of creativity, you can craft the perfect message.

The most powerful and simplest tip to this step is easy: be yourself. Don't try to adopt a persona that isn't you. If you're naturally witty, let that shine. If you're more straightforward, that's perfectly fine too.

Just like in-person interactions, timing matters. If you know she's busy with work or school, maybe hold off until the evening. You want her to have a moment to process and reply without feeling rushed.

Emojis can add flavor to your texts, but don't overdo it. A smiley here or a wink there can convey tone, but you don't want your message to get lost in a sea of emojis.

While it's okay to be sincere, try to keep the mood light and playful. It takes the pressure off and makes the conversation more enjoyable.

Here's some you can choose from, honestly, you can copy/paste these, because the hardest part will be just sending the text, not choosing what to send.

  • "Hey! I've had such a great time chatting with you. Fancy grabbing a coffee sometime? ☕"
  • "I just found this awesome [place/restaurant/cafe]. Fancy being my adventure buddy and checking it out together?"
  • "I've got two tickets to [movie/band/event]. Interested in joining me?"
  • "How about we take our digital fun to the real world? Dinner this weekend?"
  • "I've been craving some [food/drink]. Know any good places? Or want to explore some with me?"
  • "Our text banter is on point. Imagine how fun it'd be in person. Thoughts on a meet-up?"
  • "Hey, I've got a fun idea. How about a date? 😊"
  • "I've genuinely enjoyed our chats. How about we continue them over a meal?"
  • "You seem like a [coffee/tea] person. Am I right? How about we grab one together?"
  • "I'm planning to visit [place/park/museum]. Fancy joining me for a day out?"
  • "Our texts always make my day. How about we elevate that and meet up?"
  • "I've got a surprise idea for a fun outing. Up for a little adventure with me?"
  • "You've got to help me settle a debate. Best ice cream flavor? Let's find out together!"
  • "I've been looking for someone to try out this new [activity/place] with. Interested?"
  • "How about we make a fun memory this weekend? Up for a date?"
  • "Every moment with you feels like a scene from a movie. How about we make our next scene a dinner date?"
  • "The thought of you brightens my day. Would you grace me with the pleasure of your company for dinner?"
  • "I find myself lost in thoughts of you. How about we get lost together in a cozy café this weekend?"
  • "Every song I hear reminds me of you. Fancy a dance under the stars?"
  • "Your laughter is my favorite melody. Would you join me for a night out to create more harmonious memories?"
  • "How about we turn our flirty texts into flirty conversations over cocktails?"
  • "I've got a surprise that I think you'll love. Ready for a thrilling night out?"
  • "Our chemistry is undeniable. How about we test it out over dinner?"
  • "I've been thinking of ways to make you smile in person. Care to join me for a fun evening?"
  • "Every message from you adds a spark to my day. How about we ignite that spark over dinner?"
  • "I've truly enjoyed our conversations. Would you be interested in continuing them over a cup of coffee?"
  • "Your insights and stories have been delightful. I'd be honored to spend an evening getting to know you better."
  • "I hope this isn't too forward, but I'd love the opportunity to meet you in person. Perhaps a lunch or coffee?"
  • "Your company, even through texts, has been a pleasure. Would you consider joining me for a meal?"
  • "I've been looking for a companion to explore this new café in town. Would you be interested?"

If you're wanting to flirt a little before bed, check out our list of goodnight texts to send to a girl you like.

How To Handle Rejection

Listen, I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Rejection is hard. The solution is to have an understanding that it's a part of life.

Taking the leap and putting your feelings out there is a courageous act, and regardless of the outcome, you deserve recognition for that bravery. But like I said, rejection stings. It's a universal experience, one that everyone encounters at some point, whether in love, work, or other life scenarios. The key is to remember that rejection isn't a reflection of your worth or value.

Often, the reasons for rejection extend beyond you. The person you're interested in might be navigating personal challenges, processing past experiences, or perhaps they're not in a place for a relationship. It's essential to understand and respect their feelings without internalizing them as a critique of your character.

There's a silver lining to rejection: growth. While it's undoubtedly uncomfortable, these moments can offer profound insights and learning. Every 'no' you encounter is a step closer to your 'yes', a chance to reflect, adapt, and move forward with newfound wisdom.

It's natural to feel a pang of disappointment, but it's crucial to remain optimistic. Cherish the positive moments, learn from the experience, and keep your heart open to future possibilities.

If ever the weight feels too heavy, lean on friends or loved ones. Sharing your feelings and gaining a fresh perspective can be incredibly therapeutic. Honestly, even consider talking to a therapist - for men around the ages of 18-24, I've found it to be extremely beneficial.

In the vast journey of life, rejection is but a brief stop. It neither defines you nor diminishes your worth. So, with a resilient spirit, continue forward, knowing that your story is filled with endless opportunities and potential.

Common Mistakes

Whether it's the sting of an ill-timed comment or the awkwardness of a poorly chosen setting, these blunders can sometimes throw a wrench in our romantic plans. But fear not! By being aware of these common mistakes, you can navigate the dating maze with more confidence and grace. Let's dive into some of these pitfalls to help you steer clear and make your romantic endeavors smoother.

  1. Not Being Genuine: Pretending to be someone you're not.
  2. Rushing Things: Not giving the relationship time to develop naturally.
  3. Overthinking: Analyzing every detail and not going with the flow.
  4. Being Too Pushy: Not respecting boundaries or pressuring for an answer.
  5. Not Listening: Ignoring or overlooking what the other person is saying.
  6. Choosing the Wrong Setting: Asking in an inappropriate or uncomfortable place.
  7. Being Overly Formal: Making the situation feel more like a business proposal.
  8. Not Being Clear: Being vague about intentions or plans.
  9. Ignoring Body Language: Not picking up on non-verbal cues of discomfort or interest.
  10. Relying Solely on Digital Communication: Not making an effort for face-to-face interactions.
  11. Not Being Prepared for Rejection: Taking a 'no' too personally.
  12. Overloading with Compliments: Making the conversation feel insincere.
  13. Discussing Past Relationships: Bringing up exes or past romantic failures.
  14. Not Respecting Their Time: Asking at an inconvenient moment.
  15. Making It Public: Asking in front of a large group, adding unnecessary pressure.
  16. Being Negative: Focusing on negative topics or self-deprecating too much.
  17. Not Following Up: Failing to plan or confirm after getting a positive response.
  18. Ignoring Mutual Interests: Not considering shared hobbies or likes when suggesting a date.
  19. Being Too Casual: Making the other person question your seriousness.
  20. Overloading with Information: Sharing too much, too soon.
  21. Not Considering Their Comfort: Proposing activities or places they might not enjoy.
  22. Failing to Show Genuine Interest: Making the conversation one-sided.
  23. Being Distracted: Not giving them your full attention during the conversation.
  24. Setting Unrealistic Expectations: Creating a fantasy scenario that's hard to live up to.
  25. Comparing to Others: Mentioning how they compare to past interests or other people.

The 100-Person Challenge 

The 100-Person challenge seems simple - until you start to do it. Basically, you try to talk to 100 random strangers in one month. That’s about three people each day.

You don’t have to ask the cashier about their hopes and dreams or try and pick up the first person you see on the bus. Just strike up a conversation with whoever you are next to and see where things go from there. 

How can this help you meet women?

The answer goes back to a psychological concept called mere-exposure effect. We are comfortable with people, things, and experiences that we are familiar with. The more often you experience something, the less likely you are to fear it. Part of the reason you are probably afraid of striking up a conversation with people is because it’s not something you do every day...until now. 

The more you think about your fear, the more intimidating it becomes.

The more you take action to conquer your fear, the easier it will be to diminish that fear. 

I’ll give you an example from my own life. I used to be afraid of people hearing my voice; it’s so weird to record your voice and then listen to it. Would people think I sounded weird? Would they judge my stories? But instead of harping on these questions, I started to record my voice and share my YouTube videos.

I’ve created almost 200 videos on Youtube so far, and with each upload, my fears shrank. Now I’m not afraid of people hearing my voice - thousands of people do every day, and I am living my best life.

The first few times that you strike up a conversation with people will probably be terrifying. But once you’ve got in the habit of introducing yourself to someone at the bus stop or asking the cashier how their day is going, it will become second nature.

Don’t let yourself coast once you’ve gotten over your fear of saying “hi” to the trainer at the gym. Challenge yourself as you reach the 50s and 60s. You will likely encounter more than three people in one day, but choose to approach the people that are less intimidating. Instead, start to strike up a conversation with the people that scare you the most.

Maybe it’s the CEO of your company. Maybe it’s the bartender that always scowls at customers. The more you challenge yourself to talk to people that scare you, the easier it will be to strike up a conversation with anyone.

ProTip: Once you talk to 100 strangers, then try to talk to 100 beautiful women. 

I guarantee your approach anxiety will be demolished, and your ability to ask a girl out will skyrocket.

The Push Pull Method

I don't want to go into too much detail here, but I did write an entire article on the Push Pull Technique

Basically, the push pull method is when you ask a girl out by making her feel good, then saying something to make her feel unsure about your feelings. So you essentially go back and forth from "hey I really like you" to "I'm not so sure about you", and this is supposed to create a magnetic interest. 

Asking a girl out with this method has it's faults though. I mean, in most cases, the girls you pick up with the push pull method usually have deep unresolved psychological issues. Think about the types of girls you'll be attracting by being nice, then mean to them. 

The HOTAPE Method

Hotape method

The HOTAPE Method is one of the best flirting methods out there if you want to learn how to ask a girl out. It's an acronym that stands for:

  • Humor: Every girl loves humor, and it's not that hard to be funny. If you need help, watch a wide array of comedy shows until you find a style of humor that you enjoy. 
  • Openness: Being open is twofold. First, you want your hands and body posture to signal that you're safe and not hostile. Secondly, you want your mind and headspace to be open. 
  • Touch: This can escalate things from being in a friendship to more. If you learn how to subtly touch a girl without being awkward, you can make her very attracted to you. 
  • Attention: Giving someone your full attention isn't that hard, but it's very powerful when you want someone to like you. 
  • Proximity: Take a look at how close you are to someone else. If you're more than an elbow's bump, they may enjoy spending time with you, which is a signal they may want more. 
  • Eye Contact: Eye contact is a delicate thing and can easy promote a friendship to a relationship if used right.

The HOTAPE method was developed by Jean Smith and is used by guys all over the world to get over their fear of rejection when flirting.

The 1, 2, 3 Method of Eliminating Fear

You might find yourself in a pinch right away. You want to reach your goal of talking to three people in one day, but time is running out and you see an attractive woman at the bar. You’re too nervous and haven’t managed to get over your fear just yet. In fact, many people have this fear of rejection when asking a girl out. 

1, 2, 3 - GO! 

That’s how the 1,2,3 method works. You tell yourself that by three, you’re going to start walking toward the person you want to talk to. Just do it! Think of all those times you were scared to dive or dunk your head into cold water. It was fine as soon as you stopped thinking and just did it. 

Your brain is a fascinating organ. When it’s forced to come up with solutions, it will amaze you. By forcing yourself to talk to intimidating people, you’ll get better at coming up with things to talk about. You won’t have to use this method every time to strike up a conversation, but it’s a good trick to keep in your back pocket for emergencies.

Frequently Asked Questions

When is the right time to ask someone out?

There's no one-size-fits-all answer. It depends on the rapport you've built and the vibes you're getting. Trust your instincts, consider the cues, and choose a moment when both of you are relaxed and comfortable.

What if I'm nervous?

It's natural to feel nervous! Remember, it's a sign that you care about the outcome. Take deep breaths, practice what you want to say, and remind yourself that regardless of the answer, you're taking a brave step.

How do I handle rejection?

Rejection is a part of life and doesn't reflect your worth. It's essential to respect the other person's feelings, give yourself time to process, and remember that every experience is a learning opportunity.

Should I ask in person or through text?

Both methods have their merits. In-person can be more personal and direct, while texting offers convenience and can be less intimidating. Consider what feels right for your relationship and the situation.

What should I do if I get a "maybe"?

A "maybe" can be tricky. Give them some time and space to think. It's essential to respect their need for time and not to pressure them for an immediate answer.

How can I ensure the date goes well?

Be genuine, listen actively, and choose an activity or place that allows for conversation and connection. Remember, it's about getting to know each other better.

What if they say they just want to be friends?

Friendship is a beautiful bond. If they prefer to remain friends, respect their decision. It's essential to value the connection you have, even if it's not romantic.

What if she's shy?

If she's shy, it's essential to approach the situation with extra sensitivity and patience. Choose a comfortable setting for her, keep the conversation light and reassuring, and give her the time she needs to open up. Remember, shy individuals might need a bit more time to process and respond, so be understanding and avoid rushing things.

How can I tell if she's interested before I ask?

While everyone is different, some common signs of interest include frequent eye contact, engaging in deep conversations, finding reasons to spend time together, and physical cues like playful touches or mirroring your actions.

Should I plan the date beforehand or ask for her suggestions?

It's a good idea to have a plan in mind, as it shows initiative. However, it's also considerate to ask for her input or preferences. This ensures the date is enjoyable for both parties and caters to shared interests.

What if I've been friend-zoned?

The "friend zone" can be a challenging place, but it's essential to respect her feelings and boundaries. If she sees the relationship as purely platonic, value the friendship you have. Over time, feelings can change, but it's crucial not to force or rush things.

The Psychology of Attraction

Psychology of attraction

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Asking a girl out is never easy. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there. Everyone gets nervous before asking out someone they like, but now that you have read these tips, hopefully you feel well prepared and confident. Now stop reading this article and ask her out already!

Reference this article:

Practical Psychology. (2023, September). How To Ask A Girl Out (Walkthrough + 29 Example Texts). Retrieved from

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